i know i've talked about this before, but it's something i think about pretty regularly.
how when you are a mother, a wife...it's easy to lose yourself in those roles.
sometimes when i am asked about who i am, i say i'm a mother to four girls, i'm an army wife...and i am those things. of course i am those things! that is my daily life right now. but who am i?
independent of jimmy, independent of harper, sadie, cate and lucy. what makes me me?
these days i feel like i'm mostly mommy. i hold babies, change diapers, change clothes, settle arguments, soothe the tears, bathe, clean up spit up, answer a million questions, clean, do dishes, pick up dirty clothes, do laundry, go grocery shopping, read, organize,pay bills,open mail,vacuum, wipe down counters,hang up clothes,make beds
on repeat.
i had someone email me and tell me i wasn't in enough of the pictures on my blog. and that i should take more pictures with me in them so that one day it didn't seem that i had an iphone/camera for half of my face.
and i had to laugh. not because it hurt my feelings. because it's true. but it's just the way it is.
because there is no one here to take my photo! i don't have the time to set up photo shoots or get someone to come over and take photos. i have a husband that is gone more often than not...so this is my reality.
i'm always holding someone. someone is always attached to me, part of me.
if i went out to have cocktails with my single friends, or my friends without children, could i be witty anymore?
could i talk about something other than my girls?
if i could actually have a real conversation, one that isn't interrupted every few sentences, could i form a coherent thought?
do i still have a sense of humor that doesn't stoop to the level of a four year old?
i think so.
i think i remember who i am under the mommy and wife suit of armor.
i'm the girl who got kicked out of her high school math class repeatedly for talking too much.
i'm the girl with two different color eyes.
i'm the girl who was the high school mascot. nerd alert!
i'm the girl who was in musicals and plays, because she is a huge extrovert.
i love jeans.
and reading. i can devour a book in one night. or i used to be able to, at least.
i have a size 10 foot thanks to my feet growing with each pregnancy!
i love flea markets
i hate cilantro.
i love hip hop, even though it's not half as good as it used to be.
i snort when i laugh and i have a scar between my eyes from when a boy threw me over his shoulder in college...and then proceeded to drop me on the concrete. drink much?
i love wine
i hate broccoli
i cry at the drop of a hat
and embarass myself entirely too much.
i make friends easily but have a hard time finding people to form friendships with.
i grew up baptist, and have visited all types of protestant churches as we move all over the country.
i'm HORRIBLE at math.
i talk quickly, read quickly, craft quickly, do everything much too fast.
i have met jenna bush. she was lovely.
i used to win contests all the time. especially on the radio.
i talk to everyone. i make friends on airplanes, in the elevator.
i laugh a lot. if you are funny, you will win me over.
i am loyal.
i am still that girl.
but better. because i have four little people in my life who are making me more joyful, less cynical.
and one day, i will be me again without all the other stuff. and i'll miss it. i'll miss the mundane.
so i try to remember that as i trip over the toys and catch myself. because when i look up, i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. and i'm still that girl.
happy friday!
xxo
