on the subject of being kind.

first, i wanted to say i'm SO sorry i forgot about scrappy Sunday! it completely slipped my mind. i actually didn't have anything at all to share, but i'm sorry i forgot anyway. ack. scatterbrained mcgee over here!!

the studio calico february reveal is in a few days and i'll have lots to share then!!

so there's something that's been on my mind, that's always been on my mind,

and i wanted to talk about it today.

being kind.

i want to point out that there is a difference between being a kind, nice person...and being a pushover. i'm not suggesting it's a good thing to be a door mat.

anyone who knows me knows i have a sassy side. i can be snarky with the best of them. i have to watch myself. i don't like hurting anyone's feelings and one of my resolutions this year is to not gossip. at all. i've been hurt by it too many times and i shouldn't be doing it. at all.

let me backtrack here for a moment. i'm sure lots of you have seen the video of conan o'brien's goodbye speech. it's circulating all over the internet. a friend sent it to me yesterday.

i am going to show you the short clip b/c what he says is something i believe with all of my heart and soul. and they are words i try to live by. this is the short version...tara whitney linked it on twitter and it cuts to the chase. so i'll share this one instead of the 4 minute version.

"If you work really hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen."

My favorite part? He included the word KIND. and i love this.

According to what you see on TV, it's not cool to be kind. You've got the Bad Girl's Club. The resident bully on every reality TV show. Dating shows on MTV where parents talk to their parents like they are you -know-what on the bottom of their shoe. You've got parents who let their kids do whatever they want, whenever they want. Girls gone Wild...Mean Girls.

And you know what? It's not okay.

Words you say to someone? They stay with them.

I still remember that boyfriend years ago that made me feel ugly. I still have to work to feel good enough some days. I still don't like what I see when I look in the mirror some days. And I STILL hear his words ten years later.

The girls that were too cool to be my friend in junior high? I still remember that.

You know what I also remember?

The man who carried all my packages into the post office when I was crying outside b/c my husband was deployed, I had two screaming little girls, and i couldn't get the STUPID boxes in the door.

I remember the counselor that held my hand the first day of camp when i ten and a little bit scared.

Kindness matters.

And if you think it doesn't you are wrong.

I know that there are days that everyone feels too busy. In a rush. You've got to answer that phone call, hurry out the door.

But smile at someone. Help a mom that looks frazzled. Teach your children to not be cynics. To be kind.

Because I really believe that kindness can change the world.

Whether it's the "in thing" or not.

Have a beautiful Tuesday, sweet friends. xoxo

Comments

[sharron]

So true.. spread the love..

[Becky]

Well said, sweet girl.
Well said :)

[Wendy H]

Very sweet Stephanie! I truly believe kindness is the key. My husband always says that most people believe respect should be earned, but he believes everyone deserves respect because they are human beings. So true and it goes right along with your belief that kindness is important! Thanks for the inspiration!
Wendy

[Holly]

I 100% agree!!

[Melinda]

Thanks for always being a reminder and inspiration to us, your readers...it is so true that it is important to be kind. Isn't it amazing how the little acts of kindness stay burned in our brain just as much as the awful, mean things that people say and do to us. So to me it makes it worth it to teach my children kindness matters and to try to live by example every day.

[Jill]

Thank you!

[Ginny C.]

I know exactly what you mean - I have a canvas in my kitchen over the stove that reads Nice Matters. It doesn't take any longer to smile & say something nice to someone. I hate it when people are in the check out line on their cell phone or when people are just rude. I try to be "nice"(but always succeed) everyday. I was so proud of my 11 year old grandson. We were shopping & he held the door open for an elderly lady - I haven't even noticed her. He's as cool as the rest of the boys, but he can still be nice. I think my daughter gets it & is raising him right!

[Abbey S.]

LOVED this post. Thank you.

[Jaime Warren]

You made me cry...you're so right. I still remember the ONE woman who stopped to help me in the middle of a crowded mall when Jillian was 2. She was having a complete meltdown...had kicked off her shoes and was trying to rip her clothes off and was just on sensory overload. Everyone else passed by and pointed and stared..one woman stopped and helped me. She handed me Jill's shoes and asked me what she could do to help. I think about that kind woman quite often. It doesn't take much to show kindness...and chances are you could turn someone's day around.

[rebecca shelor]

Stephanie...
I just spent the last 17 hours working.... actually I got home at around 7:30 this morning after going in to work at 3pm yesterday! I work at a police department. I am so glad that I read your blog before going to bed... so glad. It makes me happy. Kindness does matter, and I try to remember that every day... and sometimes where I work, it can be a struggle...I'm not gonna lie, so it's good to be reminded!
Peace to you and all you love!

[Janaina]

So true !

[Jeannie]

very cool!

[Gina]

You are absolutely right Stephanie! :)

[tara pakosta]

i COULDN'T AGREE with you more! This is something I try to tell and work on with my girls, daily. I want them to be aware of how they are, how they talk, act, think , feel and are towards others. I think it could change the world, it really could. I just wish so many others could see that too and change their ways. The world would be a much prettier place, if people were just kind.
lots of love stephanie!
tara

[Ally]

Wow, I often need to be reminded of this. Thank you for taking the step (and other steps - which I DID notice). You are wonderful role model for your friends, your family, your girls. I 100% support and salute you and hope I can emanate some of what you are putting forth.

[Holly]

Amen sister!!! Kindness and a smile don't cost you a penny to share, but the value of both is priceless!

[Vanessa]

I totally agree! Kindness really matters. one of my goals for the year was to smile more. I really think it makes a difference. Like when I got pulled over the other night, I knew it was just cos my taillight was out but I shot the officer a nice friendly smile and he let me go with not even a paper warning just a "get it fixed, you might be able to find the part on ebay" haha. I told my good friend of this knew smile more goal and he said "but you smile so much already" and I told him it couldnt hurt to smile more cos maybe that one extra smile will cheer someone up or rub off on them. love this post Steph!!

[Allison Gottlieb]

no truer words have been spoken. I wish that everyone would read, understand, and LIVE a KIND life. Words, actions and gestures of kindness can stick with you forever. Thank YOU for reminding us all! You are an inspiration - really and truly.

[CathyR]

Well said. A little kindness goes a long way. I'm always amazed at the surprised looks on peoples faces when I do something kind for them. It takes so little time to be kind to someone and you both feel better for it.

[Kim]

I actually needed your words today. I have been dealing with some NOT nice people for the better part of a week and they are brining me down to their level. I am going to bring myself up and deal with them through kindness; so much so they won't know what to do. I did not like the person I was becoming because of them. I ALWAYS tell me son and hubby - it is not what you say, but how you say it that matters. Thanks again for an inspiring post!

[kristina]

Truer words were never spoken my friend.
Kindness IS cool.
Love you, sweet friend.

[Holly S]

Love this post-thank you for the gentle reminder to everyone.

[samantha]

So wise and true. What a great new years resolution!

[Pam k]

This so reminds me of Brene Brown and her insight about shame, courage, joy, and imperfection. Kindness is a way to heal and promote joy. Thanks for the reminder.

[Lori Renn]

Amen, girl. Kindness does matter. I drill this into my teenage boys every single day! :)

[Lee Currie]

Wonderful :)

[katrina h]

heck yeah kindness matters. :) i cried when i watched his last show and heard his speech. it was so refreshing to hear those words from a tv personality these days.

[Karen M]

amen sister! thanks for sharing that.

xoxo

[Kami]

I totally agree and you couldn't have said it better! I truly believe that if everyone followed the golden rule "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" our world would be a better place!!!!

[Lisa Dickinson]

these words you just wrote? they make me proud to be your friend. xo

[Chrissy]

Great post! My husband just deployed for the first time and I cry more over people's kindness than anything else. I have experienced pure kindness more in the last two weeks than ever in my life. And from people I never expected.

Some people have no idea how a kind word can change a persons whole day.

:)

[QSOgirl]

thank you for this reminder, stephanie...

[Lynn]

What a heartwarming post!
I used to feel ugly with an ex-boyfriend too and those words still resound till this day.

Thanks for making my day! :)

[Tilda]

You know Stephanie, I just love what you wrote here....I would like to elaborate just a little tinibit. My husband and I (married 22 years this past January 16th!) have two daughters (they are biologically ours) BOTH of them are Developmentally Delayed....Happened during both of their births. I can't tell you how many times they are looked at like they are wierd. How mean this world can be to them...ESPECIALLY Jr. High. Oh those kids are mean enough, but have them near special needs kids, you just don't know what mean is.......HOWEVER....I have to tell you, Special needs kids are AMAZING....they don't know what having a mean bone in their bodies are....they are always so KIND , so loving, so wonderful. I can't tell you that now that one is 21 and the other is 16 how many compliments I get from people that they are so KIND. That is the message......IF we could see through their eyes , they know nothing but KINDNESS.....I remember one time we were in line and someone made a stupid comment , mean one at that, and my 21 year old who was just 10 at the time turned to them and said, "It's okay, your having a hard day... I will pray for you" They just didn't know how to respond. And she truely meant to pray for them having a hard day! She didn't know the difference that they were just being plain mean! So I CHALLENGE EVERYONE...not only to head the words that both Stephanie and Conan have talked about here....but to look through the eyes of my daughter and be KIND....Teach your children to LOVE and be KIND to EVERYONE, even those that are a little bit different. Love everyone.

[Erin]

I wholeheartedly agree with you.

[Sandi]

Your post made me teary eyed. I also remember the hurtful comments from old boyfriends and those people that took a little time out of their day to help me. Great post.

[mary]

enough said. . . .I really liked that ending part on Conan as well. Keep teaching your girls this wonderful truth.

[melanie bauer]

such great words from you, wise girl. :)

[Stephanie Howell]

Oh tilda, this makes my heart happy and sad
all at once. You?? Are amazing. Strong. And incredible.
Thank you for sharing. Xoxo

Sent from my iPhone

[Virginia]

It's so funny you mention this (although I am starting to think you are inside of my head a lot of days). Kindness is HUGE at our house. It's a big rule that almost covers everything else we do here, if we ask ourselves: was that kind?

I had a friend mention to me that she was a little surprised to hear me say the word "kind" because it was something you don't hear a whole lot. I was like- YES! That is WHY it is my goal to teach my kiddos kindness. It covers a lot.

Thanks for your thought provoking words! :)

[Melissa Priest]

so true, so true. Stephanie, you are one of the kindest people I've met & I am so thankful for the kindest you have shown me.

[Beth]

So so true Steph, every word.

One thing we always made sure of with our boys was that we NEVER and I mean NEVER talked about anyone in a negative derogatory way in front of them. Yes, we might discuss that fact that what someone had done might have not been the right decision, but never used "mean" language or put downs...............

the result is that we have two amazing boys, 18 and 20, who accept and are kind to everyone. They don't hold grudges, don't gossip or talk badly of others.

Especially the 20 year old. I have heard so many times what a kind gentle accepting person he is (despite being a big strapping strong young lad) he just takes people as they are, doesn't pre-judge anyone....and tries to help people whenever he can.

I consider that one of our most proud accomplishments in raising these boys and I know that Harper and Sadie will be amazing young women!

[Jonnelle]

Such a wonderful reminder! It's easier to be kind than mean and it makes our hearts feel lighter!!
Have a wonderful day and enjoy hugging on your chickies!!

[Carrie]

Such a great post Steph! You've hit the nail on the head. It is so important to teach our children about kindness and to be a good role model. Thanks for the reminder!

[Jessica Larsen]

AMEN! I could not have said it better! And I loved Conan's speech as well. He did NOT have to say that on his last show, but he did, because he is a class act. And I think you are too ;) Have a great week!

[Rita]

Love your post today! I am a Family Practice PA, and I regularly hug my patients. Sometimes a hug & a smile can make a person feel much better than any pills!

[Brenda W.]

Thanks for this post, Stephanie. It bothers me that it seems like kindness is somehow being lost in our society. Kindness is something I'm trying hard to work at with our kids. To stand up for the kid who's getting teased. To befriend the child who feels left out. That if they have no kind words to say they should say nothing at all. Sometimes with siblings it's tough to get them to be kind to each other for some reason, but I believe that is where it starts.
It's true that unkind words often stay with us for a lifetime, but, fortunately, the kind deeds/words often do as well. I remember once when I was grocery shopping and my car wouldn't start. A kind man came out of nowhere and helped me get it started and when I turned around to thank him, he was gone. That's real kindness. The kind that expects nothing in return.
Spread the kindness!

[Laura]

AMEN! :)

[Melissa]

kindness matters is the #1 thing I teach to my kindergartners. It is so important and sadly, so undervalued these days.

Have you checked out any of the Mugglessam videos on youtube? She has a really cute kindness matters video, you should check it out.

[Keshet]

Beautiful post! I especially love the commitment not to gossip--it's so hurtful and unecessary. Orthodox Judaism actually places a huge emphasis on not gossiping since it's against Jewish law. I have a little book that includes daily messages about gossip and when I really want to focus on working on that, I read a lesson every night. It really helps keep it in the forefront of my mind throughout the day. Not sure why I'm writing this, I just love that you mentioned gossiping specifically because I think it's so overlooked!

[Tina Brown]

Very wonderful and very true post today...thank you so much for posting it!!!

[Becca]

Great post and I totally agree.

[mary from maine]

AMEN and AMEN! YOU are so KIND.

[Amy]

well said stephanie! it's something i believe whole heartedly in and i teach in my 5 year old. let's hope it works.

[cindy johnston]

What a wonderful reminder! I couldnt agree more!

[Diana Albright]

steph, i love this! you, my friend, make me very proud.

[emily]

So beautiful! And true. :)

[Jennifer.T]

thankyou for being there to remind us Steph. I think alot of people think it's often easier to be a cynic and mean then to be kind, which is so sad. But what's even worse they teach their children to be like that. I've seen it many times.
Your a wonderful role model to your girls and they are so very lucky to have you!

[Jill]

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I always tell my children the same thing: "Think before you respond because right now you are making a memory."

[Maryangella]

To Tilda, one day my sister in law ans I were at the scrapbook store 2 years ago with our then 4 year old daughters and there was a mom with her little girl who kept making loud sounds and our girls asked us what was wrong with her and we explained to them that some children are a little different than us but it is ok because we are all God's children and we are all different from one another but we are all good and it was ok to go talk to her and get to know her. Her mom said these words to us that will always stay in my heart "THANK YOU for for being so kind and for teaching you girls how to be nice, you have no idea how many people will just drag their kids away so that they do not have to be next to my daughter, people can be so cruel" it broke my heart to know that this poor little girls at such a young age has already had to learn about how mean people can be. Our children are our future and we MUCT teach them to be kind, respectful, honest and loving so that they can grow into the great leaders our world needs.
Sorry for the long post, but this subject touched my heart.
Have a wonderful day and thank you for the post.

[Lynn]

Agree with yu whole heartedly. It's always good to have a reminder though, to keep it fresh in our minds :)

[Brenda H]

just the reminder i need - like you said - we got lost in our everyday things that sometimes it does get lost - but is so important! :)

[Ami D]

I love that. I am always reminding my children to be kind to eachother. It encompasses so much. Kindness and gratitude at attributes that I must instill in their little beings.
Love it.

[Erika M]

Oh my goodness - this is so true! I wish there were more people out there who would share this with others. I'm a teacher and sometimes I feel like my students have no idea how to be kind.

[Kelsey]

Wel said. That was such a great post today. So true.

[Tilda]

Maryangella and Stephanie....Thank you so much for your kind words.....

This is so the picture of my life everyday. My kids were always picked last, but because the teacher made someone pick them...On fieldtrips , none of the kids wanted to be in mykids groups. It is HEARTBREAKING as a Mom to watch your child have to deal with this, but the thing is they find the beauty in EVERYONE, even the ones that are being mean to them....I have some wonderful stories as well!!! If you visit my blog and see my beautiful daughter going out to Prom (May 08) you'll see my daughter (in the purple) with her date, he totally wanted to make her night memorable (He is NOT special needs, just felt like he wanted to make my daughter happy) and my daughters two friends that took my daughter to the Prom (her prom they went to different schools but love my daughter) they went to a fancy restaurant for dinner, to the prom and out and around to show her an amazing date!!! There are kind people out there!

And here is the kicker....Special Olympics WORLD winter games was right here Boise Idaho USA where athletes from Around the WORLD came to participate, my daughter volunteered to serve her peers in the food tents , she came home and said, "Mom, Dad, when I grow up (she was 19 at the time) I want to work with people with Special needs, I think they need my help" Isn't that AMAZING???????? She doesn't see her disabilities! What a LUCKY Mom I am!!!!

When you look at her photo's she does not look like she is special needs....I had problems with both of our girls during their birthings and with blood sugars, I was also undetected gestational diabetes and Hypothyroid which they believe contributed to their disabilities, one will never know....it doesn't matter tho, they are here, they are healthy and they are a JOY!!!!

[Vivian]

Well said, Stephanie. Well said.

[Danielle (vtpuggirl)]

I haven't been online much, been busy with moving and unpacking. But what I read tonight here touched me. I've met more people in real life in my new neighborhood in 2 weeks than I did at my old address for 2 years! They have been so kind, and it's good to remember and celebrate it. We have a saying in medicine, people may not remember exactly what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. And this one I love-patients don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. :) Love the video clip too! Miss you, hope to chat with you soon sometime!

[Karen (kphike)]

Amen ...love this and loved listening to Conan say it the other night! Beautiful post!

[Kathryn Reynolds]

This could not have come at a better time! There are some issues at work & I was thinking today about how I shouldn't gossip, etc. Basically, I was convicted! And then to come to your blog and see this message (along w/ a video clip of Conan - love him!)so God knows I needed this. Thanks!

[amy]

LOVE this post.....so so true. I teach junior high and I am CONSTANTLY talking about this....because as you said.....words stick....words hurt....and you can't take them back. Thanks for this great post!

[Tracy Schmitt]

Well said and so needed in this world. My "trademark words" that my kids know are "BE KIND" and I have a pillow with the sewn on it in case we ever forget. Thanks for writing about this.

[Kellie Dugan]

My mother has told my brother and I to "Kill them with kindness" since we were little. If people were mean to us, we were to just be kind. Aparently they have issues my mom would say. Most that are mean are just not happy with themselves or just intimidated. My experiences using this practice has taught me a lot about myself and others. I was a customer service rep. and I promise it can do wonders to an individual. They go from irate to just plain apologetic. I tell my kids this all the time. Most of the time they finish my sentence for me. It is important to be kind and we can change the world one kind gesture at a time.
Thanks for the post. Great reminder for us all!!!!!

[Cari Skuse]

Amen to that, Steph. You are the best and thank you for the reminder. ;)

[Marianne]

Kindness is always "in"...but what a wonderful reminder.

[Kirsten]

Well said. I've always taught my kids...when they see someone looking at them in a not-quite-happy way, say at the grocery store someone like my grandma glowering at them, and they say, "Mom! She has an angry face...she gave me an angry look" I say, "give her a smile". And it's so counter-intuitive, but that's what I've tried to teach them, and that's what I do. I like being kind :)

[Stephanie Howell]

yes marianne...i was simply referring to how society seems at times.

[Jacqueline]

this is such a heartfelt post...thank you Stephanie!

[Stacy Aannestad]

Love this post, Stephanie! To me, when you're being kind, you're being Jesus to someone. I always make a huge effort (and some days the effort really is huge!) to smile at people, especially to the poor beleaguered store clerks at Christmas, but the rest of the year, too. This past week when I went to the grocery store I was TIRED and not feeling well and everybody and their dog was there, and I just couldn't summon up a smile or an "excuse me" or a kind word to anybody. And I felt so small and ugly because of that! I really hate being mean and petty, and by the grace of God I feel like I do a pretty good job at kind most of the time.

I still remember the boy in junior high who told me I had shoulders built like a football player. To this day there are times when I look in the mirror and think, "Lord, what linebacker shoulders I have!" My husband says that dude was crazy, but you're so right about how those things can stick with you. (And the boyfriend who said I didn't have any common sense comes to mind, too -- but he was just overall emotionally abusive). Anyway, thank you for taking a stand on this. I know God is smiling at you for it!

[Katrina Goodman]

I've recently started reading your blog and I love it! It is so funny that you posted this comment today! Saturday, my mom and I were having a long conversation about being kind. So many kids (and adults) are mean these days! Parents are becoming too busy to teach their children to be nice (it seems). Not all parents. I just believe kids are born innocent (and nice). I don't have kids, but I am a teacher and it is sad to see how kids act to each other these days! I loved today's blog! It gave me goosebumps because I feel the exact same way! The world would be a better place, if we could be kind to each other!

[Jenni Hufford]

Beautiful words, Stephanie. My pastor always teaches us that even though we all have our own daily needs (big and small) that we ask God to meet, we always have the opportunity to be someone else's miracle today. xoxo

[Michelle]

Amen, sister! Love this post, and love reading through people's comments. I always think that we are all in this thing called life together, and it makes the ride so much better when we can be kind (and compassionate) to one another. So thank you, kind girl (and yeah, gossip never did anybody any good!:)

[EvelynB]

Really lovely. Thank you.

[Tamara Nicole]

I Love love love this blog post! It's something that people forget too often these day with their busy lives, etc. I try to smile at everyone (not ignore them liek most people do). Thanks for doing your part to add to the kindness of the world!!!

[Angie F]

You are awesome!! Thanks for this post!! :)

[mara]

Great post. GREAT POST.
Loved Conan's speech - also been thinking about it since it aired.
Working hard is really important to be and often I feel like people get by on being "cool" and not being kind and working hard. So that resinated lots. Thanks for being you and sharing these thoughts.
xx.

[Tereazua]

Let me share this scripture... hope you don't mind:
"And be ye akind one to another, tenderhearted, bforgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. " Ephesians 4:32

I love today's post! Thank You!!!

[C. Rayevich]

ABSOLUTLY!!!! people need to realize the power of their words!!
xo

P.s I gave you a shout out over at http://thepinkninjas.blogspot.com/

=)
Happy Tuesday!!

[Lisa Risser]

I admit to tearing up a bit over Conans speech,,, and I admit to tearing up ALOT over your words here today. Being kind...it really is a simple thing!

[MichelleG]

Coming out of lurkdom to say thank you for this wonderful post. I believe in smiling at strangers and doing little things for others just because. People look at me weird when I'm in line at a store with a cart full of stuff and let those couple people who have just a couple things check out ahead of me. Little things can make someone's day...

[Claudia]

Oh, Darling Girl, you made me cry (it was a good cry)! I love what you have said and have tried to live "kind" all my life. I was a flight attendant for 35 years and experienced many "unkind" moments. I have always believed this world would be a better place if we all remember to be kind to one another. Thank you for your wisdom.

[Stephanie Howell]

thanks girl. you are too sweet!! xoxo

[Sarah]

Could not have said it better, Stephanie! Being kind is one of the main things I am trying to teach my children.

[Melanie]

Hi Stephanie, you are so right, kindness is such an important thing but unfortunately, a lot of people forget about it. We all rush through life without looking left or right or we are too scared to approach a stranger and offer help etc. It is so good of you to remind us of the importance of kindness and if we all try just a little we can make a big difference!
Hats off to you for trying not to gossip, sometimes that is really difficult. But I guess there is a difference between just gossiping in the sense of exchanging the news and talking other people down or talking maliciously about them. And I so get you when you say that you still remember those instances when somebody said something bad about you. It just sticks with us. I personally have broken ties with people that I have known to talk behind other 'friends' backs. What else can we do other than that and not doing it ourselves. Gosh, I am talkative today ;-). I hope you were able to understand what I was trying to say, my English still is not perfect. Have a lovely day! I would love to see some more pictures of your new home & cannot wait for those February SC layouts ;-)

[Stephanie Howell]

melanie- i absolutely understand what you are saying. thank you so much for your comment.
and let me make it clear that i am WORKING on not gossiping. its a struggle. ive done it in the past, its such a temptation. and im not proud of that. im trying to get better, though. xxoo

[Zarah]

Beautiful post - and oh so true! My mother always said that "If you have nothing nice to say, just be quiet. On the other hand, if you HAVE something nice to say, don't let anything stop you!" and I live by those words - because they're the truest words I know.
Thanks for posting this!

[Joan Umano]

Beautiful post! You brought me to tears about the post office & your husband deploying! If u don't mind I am going to post a "Being Kind" post and use the Conan video also...he said it so well!

[Stephanie Howell]

please do! thanks so much for your comment. have a lovely day! xoxo

[Erin B]

LOVE this post. so so true.

[steffogal1]

****** T H A N K Y O U *********
I love this post a zillion times to the moon and back!
YeA!!
with a grin,
steffogal1