mama musings

Three years ago:

 

Two years ago:

 

 

One year ago:

 

Now:

 

edited to add: hats from heartsmiles

And we know we want more. Well, one more.

A boy? Maybe. Or maybe we are destined to a lifetime of tears, pink, tulle, theatrics, high heels, broken hearts, dancing, tea parties, emotions...and we are more than fine with that.

we love having little girls. part of me longs to be a mama to a boy. part of jimmy yearns to have a boy.

but if that isn't what we are given, we will be just fine. we LOVE little girls.

so i've been thinking. and we've been talking. is it time?

sadie just turned two...we want to be young enough when they leave the house to be able to enjoy and explore, and have dates again....

we want them to be close in age.

but sadie has done me in. a tiny bit. i kind of feel like she needs to be ohhhh, 16 or so? before we have another. just kidding. kinda.

it's a back and forth.

i love being able to give them the attention they so crave. i love feeling good. i'm not looking forward to the barfing. i am just NOW starting to really believe in myself as a mama. believe that i'm actually good at it (most days). able to have fun, laugh, not take everything so seriously. feeling good about myself, how clothes fit. we are sleeping at night (all of us!!). not locking myself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and crying. not saying NEVER, just not much. ;)

i know i...WE...want another baby with all of our hearts. i love being pregnant. i love being a mother. i love babies, children, i even love changing diapers. i love snuggles. and feeding my babies. and nurturing them. and teaching them how to be kind, and love the Lord. my children make me laugh. and cry. and praise the Lord.

will i ever be "ready"?

i certainly wasn't ready when harper was 12 months old and we found out about sweet sadie bug.

but oh, what a wonderful maddening trip it's been.

and i 'm so glad she happened the way she did. b/c i very well may have never felt ready.

i might just have to jump in.

fingers crossed, praying, holding on...letting go

of my fears and worries. 

and trusting that my future is already chosen and designed. and handing over my anxieties.

and concentrating on being happy...and believing.

xoxo

a small addendum (if you will). i am super sensitive to all of my beautiful, amazing friends who have fertility struggles. i would never want to seem callous or insensitive to their problems at all. i always measure my words very carefully when i'm speaking about motherhood, pregnancy, etc. on this blog. b/c the last thing i would ever intend would be to hurt feelings. regardless, this is a struggle i'm having right now.

i am soooo aware of the fact that it's a blessing to have ANY children. let alone to debate whether to have more than we have already been blessed with. i know i'm lucky to have a choice, but i still want to be responsible with that choice. i think a lot of it has to do with what J does, how often he is gone, the fears i have for his safety and how i feel like his mortality is SO fragile sometimes.

and i wanted to share my thoughts. i hope you will take them as they are intended...honest thoughts.

love you all.

Comments

[lisa truesdell]

((hugs)) my bigs are close in age - 25 mos - and um, yeah. it does you in. ben was my mellowest baby and it still did me in. and when we realized sam would be 4 and 6 years younger than his brothers, i worried. i worried about going back to babyland. i worried about how they'd get along. but it's been perfect.

no matter when howell baby #3 decides to come along, it will be perfect. scary. but perfect. =)

[Tiffany Johnson]

Thank you for posting this. My two boys are 3&2 and they're 14 months apart. As an Army wife/mom, we'd also like our kids to be close in age, so that they leave the nest around the same time ;) The thought of having a girl makes us excited, but the thought of another boy ages me 10 years! Like you, I'm just now starting to feel confident as a mom and I'm not going to lie, I like having my body back to normal. My soldier and I are going to wait another year and see if we want to try again then. I hope you both come to a solution that best for you and your family!

[Briana]

How exciting! I so remember the feeling of not feeling like our family was "complete" yet. We had 2 boys ages 5 and 3 when we got pregnant for our third and final time and were blessed with our precious pink bundle. And that bit of pink was just what was missing and filled the hole I felt I had in my heart and the space in our family.

Here's hoping that there's a little bit of blue (or even more pink!) to fill yours when the time is right.

[Holly S]

It is funny-no matter how many children you have, there is always 'enough' love and time for all of them. My dad always said that if you wait until the 'right time', that time will never come...something always comes up and pushes your baby dreams further away. I have a 19 yo and she's our only one-we had fertility issues-and we are great with just her...it has always hurt me when I hear people say something like this-"I will have as many children as God gives to me"-it makes me feel like God didn't want me to have more children-and I know that is not the case. Diverted, sorry! You will know deep down inside if and when you are ready-I have no doubt when ever it happens, it is supposed to happen right then and there. Have lots of fun trying (that was my favorite part!)

[Stephanie Howell]

Oh Holly, Im sorry you had to feel that way. I am always very sensitive to all of my beautiful friends with fertility issues. It breaks my heart that so many of you have had to experience such a hard time with your precious children. Hope you have a wonderful day!

[Amy]

oh sweetie you will be ready for whatever God brings your way whenever He does!!! and you will both be wonderful at it!

[Rita]

What a cute post......I have 2 boys that are 26 months apart. After we had them so close I teased my husband that it was halftime........well I guess the game ended at halftime for us & we never looked back!!! The boys are now 14 & almost 12, and there is NEVER a dull moment around here. I cherish every moment with them.......even those moments when they drive me nuts! Good luck with whatever you decided to do!!!

[Steph H]

The ready and not ready at the same time totally resonates with me. Add in the whole infertility mess and I have *no clue* what we're going to do. Part of me feels like I'd need a padded cell if we get pregnant any time before A.J. is two, but then the other part of me knows it took us THREE YEARS to get him and what happens if I wait until he's two to start trying and it take THREE MORE YEARS to get pregnant after that?

You'd think after all we went through I would be able to remember God is in control and it's pointless for me to worry about the timing, but I'll tell you the planner in me holds on tight to my idea of the way it's supposed to be.

[Stephanie Howell]

you are amazing and im so glad you are my friend! xoxo

[Janet]

My two boys were 10 and 11 and I was so looking forward to being able to lay out at the pool or the beach all day long without hearing "mama, look at me!, mama, watch this! mama...mama...mama!" Then I got remarried and got pregnant right away. And when my older boys left the nest, I still had (and have) one at home. The difference in their ages was quite a bit...but my youngest looks up to them even today. I'm not really sure that any of US decides WHEN we will bring a new child into the world. I think God has already chosen the day. It's all in HIS timing and when it happens, it will be PERFECT! My boys are my life...and I wouldn't have cared one little bit when they came...just that they did. eventually. BTW, love your blog layout. cute...cute...cute! <3<3<3

[Jennifer McGuire]

totally in the same boat. big time. lots of talking going on here. ken is older and we want him to retire early (by 50) so we have a lot of thinking to do...
hugs.

[Laura]

Give that man of yours a boy. ;)

[Jill]

You should totally get pregnant now so we can be pregnant at the same time again! That settles it! haha. But really, it is SUCh a personal decision. Edie and Lia are 2 yrs 8 months apart and I wished I had them closer together...but they get along beautifully now. But you already had two so close together so I totally can understand feeling the need for more time just the way things are. AND I know what you're saying about the boy thing. Exactly how we feel. Love you Steph!

[Carrie]

Going through the same here. I just went through all our old baby clothes & packed them up to donate a few weeks ago. Part of me wants to go through it all over again - night time feedings, spit up, diapers, etc. My kids are old enough to help - esp. my daughter who would be such a mother hen! The other part of me feels like I am gaining me time, the baby weight is gone - completely selfish reasons. At 35, I feel like I am running out of time. Isn't that an odd notion? ;) You are such a good mama. I'm sure whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for you & your family. xo

[Bree]

I agree totally that most of us are never really READY for a baby. It changes everything... but so wonderfully. You are such an amazing mama and I know your heart has room for more :-)

[Leslie M]

Same here, Stephanie. We have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. My husband is ever so ready for baby number 3, and me...well, I'm not so sure yet. My second child is wonderful and I love her to pieces, but I was SO EXHAUSTED with her since she NEVER slept. Having a third would be wonderful, so maybe I just need to block out the 10 months with no sleep from my memory and just see where the Lord leads.

[Danielle Calhoun]

I know how you feel, Stephanie. After our first 2 girls being 16 months apart....whew. that did me in. and my second was a lot of work! LOL it took us 5 years to have another. hehe. so, our youngest is 5 years younger than the older 2. and 3 girls is oh so much fun! we love it! but, oh am I ever tired. they wear me out!! I am excited to see what your future holds!

[Gina]

How exciting . . . another Howell in the near future! Sending those Baby Boy vibes your way . . . little boys are so much FUN!!! :) My kiddos are just about five years apart, when I was pregnant with #2 we found out that it was going to be triplets and then I ended up losing two of them . . . my son is a pure Blessing and I couldn't imagine life without him. After him we just knew our family was complete.

[hanna]

I agree Steph, don't know that you are ever truly ready for the commitment, work, stress of a baby, but then they get here and you fall in love and hold them and your heart just can't ever imagine your life w/o them. There is a great book from Max Lacado out call "Fearlessness" you may like. I'm sure whatever happens will work out for the best and I know God wouldn't give you more than you could handle.

[Mary]

You are such a smart lady! You know you'll be happy no matter what you have and you know that God will send the next precious bundle when it's time!

I had three boys in three years and it has been so awesome! The first year of "three" was the hardest (two in diapers; everyone still needs help dressing and feeding themselves; everyone shares their illnesses; you know, pulled in three directions) but it has been so worth that maddening ONE year to have them so close together. Everything's easy now because they are all "into" the same stuff (e.g. don't have to go to festivals and worry about the big one being bored with the baby rides) and two of them are always on the same team in sports at any given time. They are all "best buds" and they say so all the time!

People always see us and suggest that we were "going for" the girl; but we really weren't...we were "going for" THREE! A little girl WOULD HAVE been nice and certainly would have been welcome, but I am so happy I have three boys and have never been sad about not having a girl. Having said that, check back when they are grown and married...I might say otherwise! LOL!!!

[Megan]

I was exactly in your shoes a few years ago. My boys are 27 months apart, and I always knew we wanted at least one more, but it took me a LONG time to feel ready. I worried that the age gap between number 2 and 3 would be too big...it just seems like 2 years is the "normal" or the "perfect" age gap. Once I did feel ready, it took another 6 months to get pregnant. There are almost 3.5 years between my middle boy and my baby girl, and it is perfect. They are seriously the best of friends (probably closer than my boys that are 2 years apart!) My oldest adores his baby sister, too. They are 7, almost 5, and 19 months now. It's been so amazing to see how their relationships develop, and one thing I've learned is that 2, 3, 4, 5, whatever years apart is the "perfect" age gap. God knows better than we do, and I am so thankful that I waited a bit to have number 3. I feel like I was truly able to enjoy her newborn-ness instead of just going into survival mode like you have to with a closer age gap. Good luck! You will be an amazing mom to 3 kids (and the wine and crying in the bathroom thing...yeah, that happens to me, too! I can so relate!)

[Jen]

My oh my how motherhood changes us. my littlest is 8 months and I am sad that we are not having anymore babies. So please have another so I can live vicariously through you ;)

P.S. Boys rock!

[Kelly]

You know how I feel about this...and how things always work out to the greatest good. Have faith, my sweet friend. Three is quite a ride ;)

[Vanessa]

This is beautiful Stephanie :) I hope you and J are blessed with another baby soon... I also pray that God gives me at least one and maybe even two if I am lucky. My hubby and I are starting a bit later in life... please wish us luck, too!!! Thanks! xoxo

[Stephanie Howell]

absolutely, vanessa. sending you baby wishes and prayers! xoxo

[Lee Currie]

I embraced the crazy and had all of my four kids in five years. It was an insane time - especially with a husband on the road for 7 years! - but we've managed and they're turning into great young people now that they're 14, 13, almost 11 and almost 10. Mind you, we've entered puberty, so I might have to jump back into crazy. LOVE every minute of it. Embracing everything that comes our way! Good luck to you all in your adventure :)

[Laurie Ann]

My girls are 25 months apart. They are 3 years and 15 months. God-willing, my husband and I would love to have another. It would be wonderful to have the chance to experience raising a little boy. But if we are meant to have 3 girls that would be amazing too! Imagine all the drama when boys come into the picture! Ha ha ha! I can laugh about it now while they are little. : )

I wish you lots of FUN and good luck in your baby making endeavors! ; )

[Mustangkayla]

What sweet sweet photos! I love how honest you are! Ya know, I was not ready for #2. My first pregnancy was extremely rough and expensive. We weren't sure we could afford or emotionally take a second one. It took us 3 years to get pregnant with #1. I went off birth control for 2 weeks and went into get a IUD...low and behold...I was pregnant. I'm glad it happened that way though, cause we might still have one if it weren't for that accident!

[Deana Boston]

They are just too cute & I am LOVING those hats! :-)

[Kimberly]

Actually, it will not be as hard as you think to dive in and go ahead for another baby. You will be amazed how easier it is when they are close in age vs. not. I know, I have 5! 4 boys all close in age and our last little MIRACLE SURPRISE, a girl. She is 14 years different in the youngest son. So, go ahead. Enjoy being a young mother. I am 45 now, our youngest is 7. I must say...I was more patient when I was younger and our house was more maddening. But oh, it was fun.

Wishing you much love in this blissful time in the making.

[allison Gottlieb]

JUMP!! If you are even thinking about it just a little bit, you must be ready. I wish I could have had mine closer together - they are 4 years apart. I wish I could have had more, but it just wasn't in the cards for us. Happy Baby Thoughts to you!

[Jennifer]

As someone who is struggling with infertility and has less "control" (although none of us really have that) of when another baby comes, I say go for it now! If you have no problems getting pregnant and can have them all close together...what a blessing. Go for it!

Still trying...doing shots now...still praying and hoping for a sibling! :)

Love,
Jennifer

[Stephanie Howell]

thanks for your insight, jen. i hope you didnt find my post to be callous. i think you are such a beautiful woman and mother. praying and hoping for you, too. xoxo

[Ami]

Being a mother is wonderful. I am not but I'm looking forward to.
I am a teacher of infants and children are great.
That so beautiful photos.
Kisses

[Jennifer]

By the way....I wanted to add that we are 100% BLESSED with Noah and if I never have another one...that is totally ok with me. Honestly. His name means "comforter" and that's exactly what he brought us. Comfort, knowing that God had answered our prayer for him. :)

Jennifer

[Janell]

My oldest two boys were 16 months apart. Then, we waited 4 years to have another (we moved overseas for awhile, built a home, etc.) I have to say I'm another one who loved still having one at home for awhile when the first two graduated and moved out.

They are all VERY close, even with the youngest almost 5 years younger. They took him everywhere and he thought it was so cool to hang out with his older brothers.

Now, at ages 24, 23 and 18, they even travel together and have a great time.

It all works out for each unique family. Thanks for sharing bits of yours with us!

[Jennifer]

No, Steph....I don't get offended at all by the talk or get sad when others are pregnant. I really, really don't. Like I said, I feel completely happy with Noah...would just love to have another and for him to have a sibling. But if that's not what God wants, He knows best! :)

Sorry, didn't mean to turn it on me like that! lol

Jen

[Stephanie Howell]

Dont be sorry!! Not one little bit! I love and adore you and
Im so glad you shared your thoughts!! Xoxo

Sent from my iPhone

[katrina h]

i hear ya, after our second (a very high maintenance little girl), i questioned whether we should have a 3rd or not. but 3 yrs after she was born we had our third who was/is the sweetest, most easy going little girl. you will never be 100% ready. so i say, even if you're just 30% ready then go for it.

[Erin B]

I am hoping this is the year for my first. I desperately want to be a mother. I think you should follow your heart, Miss Steph. If you want one now, go for it, if you need more time, that's totally too. No matter what, you and J will make it work and your family will always be beautiful and well loved.

[MandyK]

When the time comes that ya'll are blessed with sweet baby Howell #3 it will be the right time whether you/life thinks so or not the Lord knows and all will work out.Someday you'll look back thinking yeah that was perfect timing.It seems like the best things in life happen when we least expect or plan them.That has been the case for us when we wanted/planned we were met with heartbreak we lost 3 babies trying to have the ones we do have.Our 3 blessings were wow how'd that happen??Thank the Lord suprise babies. especially #3 I had given up was happy with what I had, we were making plans and changes in our life then she showed up the whole pregnancy was hard and scary but she made it.We have 2 girls and a boy.Having a family of 5 is awesome it hasn't been easy but it's a fun adventure, I've grown into who I am today and I just love it!5's a good number too.
Wishing you all the best!!Sending baby vibes especially boy vibes your way!So excited for you!~xxx

[Michelle Whitlow]

ya know, I don't think you're ever "ready". When I finally decided that I was ready for #3, God had different plans. 2 years later and still, no baby and discovered 1 blocked tube. Soooo, we wait, and pray, and pray some more. I've learned the hard way that it was never up to "me". So jump in!

[Carol]

howz this for a thought...if you wait tooooo long, then that 3rd will feel like a stragler and THEN you'll have to have another so he has a little buddy too!!!! tee hee hee! on another note...in my experience we don't often "feel ready" and end up just jumping in head first to really beautiful blessings you could never imagine life without! and we survive!
My 3rd did me in but I KNEW there was a 4th! And I finally just said ok and did it and OH what a ride! Good luck in your decisions, it's always exciting!

[AmySorensen]

I was terrified to have my third...but, you know, having three proved to be easier than having two. I didn't realize how much I'd found my groove as a mom until I brought that third one home, and then it hit me: I can totally do this! ;) You are a great mom and will totally do well with another one!

[Leah]

Best wishes as you contemplate this! My girls are 3 and 20 months. We just found out #3 is on the way.. HUGE HUGE surprise because we had to use fertility meds with both the girls. We wanted a 3rd, but weren't really thinking about it now.. God took care of that for us! :)
I ditto what some others have already said.. if you're even thinking about it a little you're most likely ready!

[Lisa Dickinson]

if anyone can handle three {now or whenever it may happen!}, it's you my sweet friend! you have set a amazing example of mothering with grace, humor, and humility. hugs!

[Angie F]

Exciting possibilities!! We have 2 girls and I love them to pieces! I wanted one more and my husband was "done". I am mostly used to the idea now, but part of me STILL wants a 3rd. Good luck and HAVE FUN!! :) Thanks for sharing!

[Meghan]

well, no matter what you decide, you can come play with and snuggle our little boy (when he arrives, of course!) anytime you want!
-Meghan

[Mary Ann]

Hugs to you on this fine Winter day!
Love the pics of your sweet girlies.

[Beth]

Steph honey if you are thinking of it do it soon! My boys are 24 months apart and I wanted a little "break" before another one. Well as things got easier I decided I couldn't go back to pregnancy/infancy and never had another one. My youngest is 18 now and I still wish I had a third child in our family.

[young c-m]

Love your honesty about this topic as it's on my mind as well (though we're DEFINITELY not ready!). Thanks for sharing.

[Stephanie]

Stephanie, I just love coming and reading your blog posts each day. My husband and I had our first son when we were young and we thought we were done. Not that he was a handful, just the opposite He was the most kind and loving gentle soul. A great baby slept through the night at 4 weeks. Terrible two's were only a blip on the scene! Then the unthinkable after 14 years (2006) of being an only child we lost our son in a very tragic way. As parents it rocked our world, as a mother it crushed my heart. After two years we, my husband and I, just couldn't stand not having a house with children, we knew we had so much parenting and love left in us. We had a beautiful baby girl in 2008 and we can't wait to welcome another baby into the house...Hopefully sooner than later, as I am just a tad over 40! When you have the yearning to be a parent, a mother or a father, that just never goes away and the time will always be right.

[Mary Jo]

There is six years between my two. Not for lack of trying, and I had just about given up when I finally got pregnant with our sweet Erin. But let me tell you, I don't think I ever was "ready". Whether they would have been 15 months apart like my sister's two oldest or ten years apart!
We just jumped in with both feet and prayed for the best :0). And let me tell you, I was thrilled when I found out we were pregnant with a girl after having one boy. Because I knew two was all we were going to have given my pregnancy complications.
I told myself that I would be happy with two boys, and that's the truth! But deep down inside I was doing the happy dance when I got my little girl :0)
That being said, I know several mamas of three girls and they love it!

[Kimberly S]

I say have another one if you can. I would love to have one more but two is it for us. I still feel there is one more out there for me but it's just not going to happen. Be blessed that you can yes or no because some of us don't have that choice.

[Stephanie Howell]

Oh Stephanie... Im so very sorry for your loss. From the bottom
of my heart. You sound like such a beautiful person.
Thank you for sharing YOUR heart with me. :)
Xoxo

Sent from my iPhone

[Stephanie Howell]

Thanks for your insight Kimberly. I definitely appreciate and am very
grateful for the fact that I can have another baby. I just want to be responsible with
that choice!

Sent from my iPhone

[Elizabeth]

I feel what you're feeling....my boys are 10 and 8...I love watching them TOGETHER...I have been longing to have another baby for some time now, but the thought of such a huge age gap is what's holding me back...I always wanted to have at least 4 kids but circumstances stopped us after my second. Trying to be smart about it but if I were to follow my heart ONLY I would definitely jump right in...I kinda regret (I hardly ever use that word) but in this case...I wish I had another child or two earlier...I know I still can, I'm 35ish...LOL...and now reading your post brings it all back...it's always in the back of my mind...I wish you all the best and my advice to you...follow your heart! You and Jimmy seem like really super duper parents and the LOVE in your family is so evident, so strong from following your blog. All the best! HUGS.

[Stefanie]

Love that you share this with us all.
I trust that the next little baby will be a total bundle of joy to you and that he/she will be calm and complacent.
I have three and the third was the cherry on the top.
Two boys (now 17 and 14) with the little pink one (10) years old. She is such a delight to me.

On a side note though I am glad that there are no more dirty nappies & sleepless nights for me though.
I'll wait the 10-something years for grandkids.

[Virginia]

Steph- I am always so worried about coming across as ungrateful for the gift of children too. I worry about writing about it on my blog, but at the same time, I feel like I need to be honest, too. I love that you added that caveat at the bottom... I need to do that in case people don't realize.

Oh and my two cents: jump in. ;) As if you couldn't guess that would be what I would say.

[Katrina of Southern California]

I am now in my late 40's and went through the same feelings when my two boys were the girls age. This is a normal reaction it is so wonderful you are able to sit down and express your feelings. I was told due to all my female problems we could not have any more children. After being on all kinds of drugs including birth control to balance my hormones. I was seeing a Menopause Doctor at USC at the age of 43 I found out I was six month pregnant. My older boys were 16 and 13, shock was to say the least. We had just started enjoying date night again and here we started all over again. I thought to my self maybe God will grant me the girl I always wanted. He had other plans...my husband told me "You have been such a great Mom to two boys why would he want to change a good thing!" I have to say he has been with us now five years and we could not see our family any other way. He brings such joy and life to our home. Yes, Pat and I tease each other and say he will be pushing us in our wheel chairs when he graduates but we have learned just to live for today. Your a wonderful Mom Stephanie and it shows smile and just enjoy the ride.

[Keshet]

I love how honest this post is....I'm trying to figure out myself if I should have baby #1 right now--I feel so ready (or at least as ready as I'll ever be) but the economy stresses me out...

[Finding Normal]

I know that debate. I do it all the time. To have another or not? (well, that's my debate). My 2 are 5 and 3, but the youngest has chromosomal issues that are hereditary (didn't know about them until her birth). The last 3 years have been so...difficult yet life changing. I can't imagine it any other way, but I also can't see myself going through it all again with another baby. I love where we're at now, and if I could have a guarantee that we'd get "normal" again (I use that word very loosely), then I'd jump in a heartbeat.
For now, the debate continues, almost every day!

[Kristen Welker Cox]

you make such pretty babies. you definitely need to bless us all with one more!! =)

i don't find it offensive at all that you would wantt to express your thoughts and concerns about having more in light of others fertilty issues. we each have our choices and paths and struggles. they may not all be the same though. eric and i said no more then changed our minds and we have been trying for almost a year now. it took 2 months with claire so it's discouraging but it is what it is. i take great joy in my friends who have babies or are having their 2nd or 3rd!! i guess it's easy for me not to feel jealous though b/c i have one child. i feel so blessed already. i can understand though why it hurts when people say certain things but you do it with tact.

I am so happy you are thinking of a 3rd. It's about time!!! =)

Love you,

KC

[tammy]

Steph,
After a failed relationship with my first child's father I decided to not have anymore children. I even went as far as going to see my Dr about permanent contraception I felt that strongly. Luckily my Dr told me I was too young for such a decision to be made(20). I met my Husband 2 years later and within 3 months I wsa pregnant. I was terrified that I would'nt have enough love for another child.God knew that I would and he blessed me with my baby girl who is now 10.We got married and I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd I couldn't believe it my baby was only 6 months old! So there is 14 months between them. I looked at my family it felt like something was missing. Yep I wanted another child my DH and I are both from families of 4. My dh and I talked about it and he said we would try just once and if it didn't happen that meant our family was complete. We were blessed to fall pregnant with our beautiful daughter. There is a 3 year gap between my last two and 4 year gap between my first two. I can't imagine life without my two little boys and two little girls.
Wow long winded huh LOL. I say go with what your heart is telling you. I found having my third was by far the easiest.

[breanne and madelyn]

it's amazing how quickly the time goes, huh? i have enjoyed watching your girls grow... and will love eventually meeting your new little one :)

[Kim Stewart]

Just do it! Are we ever really "ready"? My boys are almost 6 years apart...exactly the way God wanted it. No age difference is ideal! It just works out. And there's something about a mama's boy......Just do it!

[Jennifer.T]

Thankyou so much for sharing your thoughts with us. It's so exciting!
I think about having a baby alot lately, my struggle is not with fertilty (in fact I became pregnant with Ashleigh while I was using birth control!) but my problem is I'm missing the other half that it takes to make the baby LOL!!!

[Jonnelle]

Yep, totally aggree that yall make such pretty babies that you should have at least one more! :)
Thank you for being open, honest and always thinking of others - though I hate that you have walk on egg shells because people can be NOT nice. It's your blog and I wish you didn't have to get "those" kinds of comments, but you always handle it with style and grace!

[erin yamabe]

hi steph,
as a mommy of two sweet and sassy girls, and as a mommy who has lost 8 babies before we met them here on earth, i do not take any offense to anything you posted in here, didn't need to include the addendum. i respect you, your thoughts, this is your blog. your choices to share your life. i respect u even more for writing that extra section, as i believe u handle everything with God's grace, and this is just another shining example of how u do so.
i hope you embrace whatever He has in store for you and your family.
blessings,
erin

[mel brewin]

Steph you are one gorgeous girl. Your posts always resonate with me. All our girls are 22 months apart. I had a desire for a boy and we were deciding whether to have a third because of hubby's two jobs, when I fell pregnant with our third. (mind you he's not away away like J). We were so happy just to be able to have 3 beautiful healthy children. Having a third is very different. I sort of had life going on & then threw a third in the mix, you are outnumbered, tired (my husband was away too), sometimes think you aren't getting there, but it is soooo worth it!!! I am thinking that if I hadn't nearly died with her, once you have three you may as well keep going!! LOL
My hubby & I were the same, bring on the girls, even though there was a desire for a boy. You know God knows & I think he gives us just what we need!! I have had friends with fertility issues & I feel blessed that we were able to have any at all. You are always sensitive, I think to people, & their hurts/issues. I know you will embrace whatever God has for you and your beautiful family. Me xx

[Holly H.]

stephanie, your post is one I've been circling around for months. In our friend group, or 5 or 6 couples, we're the only couple with just one right now, everyone else has 2 or is expecting. We're just in such a different place than most of these couples, sometimes it's hard to seperate what's right for them and what's right for us. Bravo to you for saying it outloud.

on a totally unrelated note, I saw these skirts and thought of you. http://www.downeastbasics.com/skirts.aspx
have a lovely tuesday!

[Kathy]

My daughter is going through this same "thought Pattern" right now. She has 2, a 9 yr old girl and 2 year old boy. But still thinking about another one.
I tend to think if it's meant to be, it will be.

[Colleen S.]

What a fun time you must be having! My hubs and I are sorta in the same boat. Our one child is 17 months and I'm not sure when I'll ever be ready. We have decided to readdress the conversations when she turns two.
I also feel so lucky to have a baby girl. I thought we'd have trouble getting prego and felt so blessed when we found out we were expecting. The entire experience is so joyous... (except the morning sickness and labor of course.)

[Kimber-Leigh]

just love those big brown-eyed baby eyes of your girls :)
our three are all exactly two years apart (all their birthdays are within 12 days in october...crazy i know!) but i always knew i wanted ours close in age. and i wanted to be young when they were young and i wanted them to grow up together as close playmates. i absolutely adore seeing them play together and call one another their best friend. i know it's different for every family.
i'm not sure you ever "feel ready" as far as being prepared to actually be entrusted with a child...but i'm reminded that when God calls us to something, He has already equipped us for the task. i know He will equip you to be the mother He desires you to be in His time. :) love you!

[Kirsty]

Your girls are beautiful...I don't know if we are ever 'ready' to have another...I just know that you are an amazing mum who will shine no matter what is thrown at you!!!

[Jill]

I get what you are saying about J's mortality at times. My husband was ill with leukemia when we conceived our second child and the process to make that decision was rough. In the end we didn't want to be 80 and look at each other and say, 'we should have had that other kid.' I just had to trust. We didn't have the 3 we wanted because of his illness but we were sure to at least give our oldest a sibling. When he was well 6 years later we adopted a 4-year old. Now we have the 3. Just go for it.

[tara pakosta]

I definately would start thinking about it soon, or you won't want to go back to that stage! Just my thoughts! We have the two girls 19 months apart and I have not been able to get pregnant again since then. Ava is now 8.5 and I so badly wanted a 3rd child. It doesn't always come easy and I guess it wasn't meant to be, so you never know how many you will be given. I hope you can have one more or how many you want!!! go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to see you guys have a boy or another beautiful girlie! tara

[Erika M]

Your children are so beautiful. I think if God blesses you with another child then you are a lucky lady!

[Lynn]

Stephanie,
I am very blessed with four beautiful boys...no pink in this house! I'll have to trade you! Growing up, I never thought I'd have four children...but I can't imagine life without them all. My boys are 12, 9, 6 and 4. I love that the last two are really close in age and would love to have had the first two closer, but that wasn't in the plan (I had a miscarriage in between Ryan and Jonathon). When we had three, Pat and I went back and forth for a while about a fourth. We weren't doing anything to prevent it, but it had been about a year of "not officially preventing." My dad died unexpectedly of a stroke five years ago. When we came back from the hospital and told our oldest that his beloved grandaddy had passed away, he looked at us with his big green eyes, "Mommy, it's okay." Wondering what a seven year old had to say, I must have given him a strange look trying to hold it together for him. "Mommy, it's okay, God takes good people to heaven so that he can make new people." I'm not sure if this is something we taught him or not. But two weeks to the day my dad passed away I found out I was pregnant with my sweet little man Marcel. So, I'm a big believer that there is a plan out there, sometimes we know what it is sometimes we don't and God gives us the signs that everything is going to be okay. You're a wonderful mama and your heart grows bigger with each beautiful child brought into your home. May you and J continue to be blessed. Thank you for always sharing your thoughts with all of us. You are a wonderful person.

Lynn

[Amanda Newberry]

Janet-I needed to hear those words today-"I think God has already chosen the day." Thank you for the reminder!

[Kami]

Steph, you and J make beautiful babies so I say go for it!! I did struggle with infertility, hence our reason for having twins, via IVF. It was a long hard road that we went down, I don't wish it upon anyone, BUT if you have never had to deal with infertility, you shouldn't feel bad or have to be sensitive around "us". All children are a blessing and I am soooo thankful that it all worked out for us. Some days are so stinkin tough, SO many of them, but it is getting easier and even though I don't want them to grow up too quickly, I do look forward to the future years and seeing who they become, how they are special in the world and even becoming a grandparent!! Eeeek, I can't believe I said that. LOL!! But seriously, from what you wrote, it is obvious you want more so just let it now be in God's hands. Best wishes!!!

[Lara Barkley]

Steph, what a sweet post. I'm sure that no matter what happens, you will continue to shine as a strong, loving mama and wife.

Food for thought... my mom and dad had two girls 17 months apart. Four years later they had a boy. Then EIGHT years after that, they had another girl... me! Each of us has a special, unique relationship with our parents and with each other. You never know what's in store for you!

[lisa]

You are so thoughtful to worry about your friends/readers feelings. You have such a big heart. Someone above said they had fertility meds for 2 and then had a 3rd. same here. I felt guilty just going for #2 when friends were struggling and then POW. here comes 3. I have 2 girls and a boy. I think it was easier that they are all close in age (at one time, I had 3 under 4).

Its loud and sometimes crazy (like today) around my house but I can't imagine life with only 2. (tho getting a rental car or a table at a restaurant sure would be easier).

Good luck whatever you decide. I applaud your honesty for even blogging about it - I think so many of us worry about things like this but don't share.

[Mariah]

I have three boys...ages 2, 4, and 6. There is never a dull moment in my house. When it's quiet, I know there is someone up to no good. I mean just earlier this evening my two year old thought it would be fun to flush a roll of toilet paper down the toilet. I always wanted three kids. I'm from a family with three children. It is busy, busy, busy. Everyone I talk to says the third child is the hardest (this coming from a friend with 7 children). And it's true. My husband and I are outnumered. Three was our biggest adjustment. But, in all the craziness, noise, mess, and everything else, there is nothing more priceless than watching my three boys play together, and kissing each one good night. And so I say listen to your heart, because it probably knows what the answer is.

[Rachel]

I am not a momma, but I hope to be one in the next few years, and looking at your girls, and reading posts like this make me want to be a mom even more.

I love your blog. You are so honest and I love that. This is such a personal decision and a tough decision. You spoke from your heart, and I love that about you!

[Melanie]

God's timing really is perfect - you'll see after you have your 3rd. :) Seriously, I just had my 4th (starting over with a 5.5 year age difference from the 3rd) and even though it wasn't in my plans, I am so thankful for her. And I would have always wondered about having another, I'm sure of it. Of course it is hard when they are all little and needy, but then they get big and mouthy - also a treat! :) Prayers for your family as you make important decisions and for all the women in the comments who desire more babies.

[Chris]

Dh and I always said we wanted to have 3 children. (Of course we also said we reserved the right to re-asess that number after we had them, lol).

Anyway, but then after two, a boy and a girl, we then thought we were done. Working the timing around deployments, and dh being gone so much, horrible pregnancies, horrible post partum depression, and #2 was a horribly collicky baby.

But then a funny thing happened. Dh came home from deployment, and we had an oops. And then 2 days after the positive oops test we were stunned by, I lost the pregnancy. And we were devastated. And in that instant we knew we in fact weren't done!

It's been 2 years almost exactly since then, and #3 will be a year in March. He is the light of our family, and his 5 year old sister and 8 year old brother adore him. Going from 2-3 was easier for us than 1-2. He is a very mellow baby, and just goes with the flow, it's all he's ever known.

Dh will be deploying in a few weeks, and while I am scared and overwhelmed often, not a day goes by that I don't think "what if we had never had him"??

So my advice, is take a deep breath, and if your family doesn't feel complete, go for it!

[kelly noel]

i say go for it! i'd love to have another one, but tom is not so keen on the idea of having to go through my whole bed rest mess again (and neither am i really ;P). you guys would be awesome with a little man though...they are FUN! :)

[Steph H]

right back at ya babe :)

[Maryangella]

My husband and I were told we would never have children and after many years of trying and many tears we were blessed with our baby girl and 3 years later with another baby girl. I would have given anything to have a third but it was not in the cards for us and I am for ever thankful for them. I remember when all my friends and sisters in law were getting pregnant how happy I was for them and yet how sad I was for us so THANK YOU for being so sensitive to others feelings. I pray that in 3 years when our little one turns six we still have the energy for a third child because adoption is in my plans or maybe even fostering. Now that I have blabbed away I say....GO for it, there is no better time than right now! Have a wonderful week.

[Lisa]

I'm one of those "infertiles" out there. :O( It is just awful, honestly. But... I wanted you to know that I appreciate you including "us" in your post. It's nice to know that the "fertiles" think about "us" sometimes. :O)

Don't mean to make this an us against them thing, but sometimes, it just is.

Good thing is that I'm laughing as I type this.

Go forth and multiply. And let me know if you know of anyone needing an adoptive Mom and Dad. :O)

[Stephanie Howell]

lisa- ive never ever thought of it as us vs. them. im sorry you feel that way. ;( sending much love. xo

[Vivian]

My first two babes are 13 months apart. (and yes, I cried when I found out about babe #2 - I was NOT ready for that little surprise) After a 5 year break, we had baby #3. I would have loved to have baby #4, but hubby said no, so I'm learing to be happy with that. It helps that all the baby "stuff" has been passed on to those who really needed it. ;D
I will say that I didn't find three to be all that much more work than 2, but maybe that's because of the 5 year gap - my older two were already pretty independent by then.
I wasn't sure of myself either after being away from a newborn for so long, but honestly, I looked at her and it all came flooding back and then I wondered why I worried in the first place!
Blessings to you & yours!

[Olivia]

We are on the opposite side of girls....& I love mothering my sweet, stinky, rowdy boys. We have always said three and we tried last summer and fall for a third. It was a little disappointing for me because I had no problem getting pregnant with Carter who is 6 1/2 now and Ethan who is nearly 4. Our plan was to have them about 3 years apart and it just didn't happen. I was a little depressed in September when we decided to stop trying for a while. The first part of October we found out that my mother in law's cancer was not responding to chemo & that our time with her is limited. At that point I realized (not that I didn't already know it) that God knew exactly what he was doing. I knew that I could not throw a pregnancy or a newborn baby on my m-i-l and have her worry she would not get to see or spend enough time with a new baby. God always knows what is best and I have the upmost faith in him. Now if I can just locate my patience.... We will try again this summer.

[Eleni]

I have a boy 3 years old, a girl 22 months and I am pregnant again. I believe that children are the best blessing and the biggest responsibility at the same time!

[Tammy Graves]

I am so excited for you that you want to welcome another child into your lives! We have five and I wish we could have more. Of course, everyone has their opinions on the whole 'how many are enough' issue...but for us personally, we believed from the start that it is the Lord Who opens and closes a womb and gives the fruit, so we put our trust in Him as to the number of children He wanted us to have. I miss having little ones around (the youngest is seven now) and my heart seems so unfinished. I don't know what the means for us...adoption in the future? Of course we have always been open to more. If He chooses to give you more, He will certainly make you able to handle it. He is faithful! My advice, lovingly, would be to trust Him with the planning...after all, He knows way better than I do what I need! And He loves us so much that He knows what is best!! Of course, I am just giddy for you in this stage of your lives! It is so exhausting, yes, but so very exciting as well! Blessings on whatever you choose to do!

[Jill Sprott]

I vote for more Howell babies!

[Melanie]

Dear Stephanie, your addendum is lovely and I am one of those people who read your blog and still struggle with fertility. But you know, I believe we all have our different problems and challenges that we have to live with and just because your children came 'relatively easy' to you does not mean that it should make you hold back. It is very sweet of you to be sensitive about the issue but still if I had a problem with you having children then I could choose not to read your blog. There is no need for you to please everyone and that is impossible anyway. You tell us about your life and craft and we know that you are a sweet, kind and considerate person. Please enjoy your gifts ;-). And regarding your thoughts about the right time - I do not think that there ever is a right time or that we will ever be ready for a baby. I chose to have treatment and am now finally pregnant (fingers crossed) but still I am not ready and I am scared. I always hoped for a 'kinder surprise' and I hope you will get yours at the right time in your life!

[cedwards]

You're an amazing woman Stephanie! I know this is a sensitive issue for women but I feel bad you have to feel as though you're walking on eggshells every time you post your thoughts. You are gracious! Just plain gracious indeed!

[Ginny C.]

When the time is right, you will know. My girls are over 14 years apart. I had been told I would never have another baby & to be thankful I had my daughter. I would cry & be heartbroken every month - I needed more children. It would hurt so much when friends & family had more children. Then one day a miracle happened when we least expected it. I was in my last semester of college (I had decided to get on with my life) Was it convenient -no, was it wonderful-yes, beyond words. She is now 26 & the sunshine of my life. I believe God doesn't punish us by not giving us more children. He knows when the time is right & gives us exactly what we need.