dealing

it's funny how we deal with things, isn't it?

for example...we spend a year being scared for our husband's life. for what he is seeing. we cry for the men lost. for their families at home. we watch them on the news, with white knuckles and tears in our eyes. we see them in the papers...we hear about how they are in "death valley".

we go to eight memorial services over that year. each time, losing a little piece of our heart.we hear them call that soldier's name, and we know that that boy will never be able to answer back. we hear amazing grace and we wonder if that will be us standing there without a husband next time.

and then he was home.

and i treasured it. but felt guilty that so many weren't.

and then i pushed it in a little box in a back of my  heart and smiled.

didn't think much about that year i spent with the blinds always open in my living room. you see, i didn't want to be surprised when they pulled up and told me J was gone.

i wanted to be ready.

nothing prepared any of us for this year. nothing. not all of our previous deployments, not our strength or our faith. nothing could have prepared us for this.

but i put it in a box with a yellow bow on it. and pushed the box into the back of my  heart.

and then a couple of months ago, we had our very first FRG meeting here at fort benning. the commander started talking about casualty notifications, and protocol..

and i came the closest i'd ever come to a panic attack.

i had to make myself breathe. i had to count. pray.

and then i thought "where in the world did that come from???".

it was remnants of that year. they will be there for a long time.

i've allowed myself to slowly start looking at photos from that year.

 

 

 

 

 

all photos by adam ferguson.

and my heart broke in a million little pieces. and that box with the yellow bow came out of my heart, and opened up.

for what all of those guys did that year in the valley. they are the strongest men i will ever have the privilege of knowing. and for the ones that didn't make it home...my heart will mourn and remember them always.

i think we need to not grow numb and immune to things that are happening this very moment. this is going on every day. 

it's like life is a bubble. and if you don't have a loved one serving, it's hard to "get it". i know that. i know that it's a whole different way of life that is foreign to many people.i understand sometimes it's easier just not to think about certain things, especially things that don't really enter your inner circle...

but please

please pray for these guys/women and their families.

support them in any way you can.

don't just say "i support the troops"...do something to prove it. write a letter. send a package. say thank you to someone you see in uniform.

b/c what they go through, though it is "what they signed up for", is harder and more vivid than you could ever imagine.

even when they come home. especially when they come home.

as for me...i'm going to stop trying to forget that year, and start remembering it instead. it made me a better person, a better believer. and it happened. trying to forget it won't help.

sorry for the serious post, it was just something that was on my heart.

hope you all have a beautiful Tuesday. xo

Comments

[[email protected]]

S-
Beautiful, and much needed for me this a.m. thank you for opening the box and not only that but sharing what is inside. blessings to you as you start to unwrap and unpack it, may you know more of Christ and his goodness in the midst of a shattered world.
Kellie (Ott) Bullinger

[Sasha Farina]

such a beautiful post, steph. thank you for sharing your 'heart' and your family with us. Thank you J.

[Ally's Corner]

It is hard for people to understand to get it if they don't have a loved one serving. I get it had a loved one serve in a war before. Thanks for sharing your heart we all need to do that !!!

[lisa]

I've been reading your blog forever - it all started over scrapbooking, but throughout that year, your blog 'put me in my place' many times. i can't fuss about the things that my husband does that drive me nuts, because i know you would have given anything for J to be driving you nuts!! It changed my perspective! Thank you for that. I would have no clue what the life of a military family would be like, without you and J. I still can't imagine how hard it truly is, but I'm so thankful I've gotten a glimpse. Tell J thank you from my family!!

[Barb]

Steph, I watched the news story that J was featured on, and I was so touched... so scared and so sad and so proud (and I'm not even American!). Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for all that you do as an army wife. It's every bit as important a job as the one that J has. (((hugs))) to you. xoxo

[cindy tobey]

Wow. So beautifully stated. Thanks for sharing your heart. Thank you Steph and thank you J. I am so grateful for your service.

[Julie Ann]

This was such a beautiful, heartfelt post. We all have so much to be thankful for, and those serving our country, keeping us safe so that we are no longer worrying about our lives being taken on a day to day basis, should always be in our hearts and minds. I hope that you find healing and comfort in dealing with the past year... *Hugs*

[krys72599]

Thanks, Stephanie.
Now, THIS is a scrapbook page!
It's full of heart, and pain, and fear, and love, and respect - and all those feelings are welling up inside of me, too, for J and for all his colleagues and friends and the men he knew and didn't know during his tour(s) and for their families and friends.
I have "starred" this entry 'cause it's one I don't want to forget...
I've been so darn lucky - not to have lost anyone in this war, no one close to me, or even far removed from me. But that's just darn luck - and so many others are suffering each and every day...
Thanks for giving me something to remember and pray for today.

[karen]

Thank you. The reality of this war gets pushed aside as we continue with our daily lives. Thank you for giving it the life it deserves with your beautiful, honest words.

[Annie Cox]

Steph,

I live with all of this every day. There are men from viper company that are struggling, and suffering with what happend in the Korengahl Valley. Some are Nathans Soldiers, some are friends. I feel helpless and my heart aches for them. I pray for them to be able to cope with the life that they endured. I fear that those who are getting out with PTSD will get lost in the civilian world. If the Army could make change when these men come home and keep them together for 1 year and give them the counseling that they really need, it would be beneficial for all. Now they have decided the Korengahl is to dangerous?? Comes a year and a half too late for me and Sophie. So now I really feel the sacrifice was for what? Seems all I do is pray for us and his men whos lives are forever changed.

[Stephanie Howell]

i know annie. i cant even begin to explain my complicated feelings on them getting out.
i have to tell you that you, by far, are the strongest most amazing woman ive ever met. you have made an imprint on my heart that will last until the day i die.
i worry so much about these boys who have come back who are drinking their lives away, losing all of their money, losing their families...i worry so much.

[Latisha]

Your post made me a little teary. It also made me feel not so crazy about my blinds being open, or hysterically cleaning, because God forbid I have a dirty house if they ever pull up. My husband is a helo pilot (Navy) getting ready to deploy this year, so your post really pulled at my heart strings, but made me love you. I have never been to your blog before, but I will continue to come back. My year is about to begin, and only a military spouse can even comprehend what that means.
Thank you for this wonderful post.

[Stephanie Howell]

latisha-
sending you big hugs and so much love.
let me know if you need to talk...and the cleaning thing? that was what my best friend did. she said it was crazy, but helped her deal.
we are nuts, huh?
xoxo

[Laura]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I think you have a truly beautiful soul. You've inspired me to take a more active roll in supporting the troops. I would like to send letters or a care package, but I have no idea how to go about doing so. Do you have any sites that you could recommend that would point me in the right direction?

[Stephanie Howell]

hey laura!
thank you...ill make sure to link some places tomorrow.
a great place to start is anysoldier.com
xoxo

[tara pakosta]

YOu have been through so much. I can't even begin to imagine what your husband has gone through. That is a hard life but I am so thankful for those who do what they do to keep us safe. Thank you for this post!
Thanks for opening our eyes. I think it would be really neat if we could write letters to those men's families and let them know we care, as your readers, wouldn't that be kind of cooL? I would love to do that!
tara

[jenn shurkus]

well said!! thank you for reminding us...

{{hug}}

[missy j]

thanks for sharing. my prayers are with you, all the families that I am so grateful too, and the men and women serving our country.
thanks to all of you.
missy

[Kami]

Steph, I think we all need to hear that from time to time. I have to admit, I am one who does not fully understand what they go through over there, and I think part of me doesn't want to know because I am certain that it is horrible. I am thankful that my husband is here with me, but I also know that every single soldier who chose to enter the service is doing this for ALL of us!!1! I am thankful, I am grateful, I am fearful, and I am sad. But most importantly, I thank God. I trust in Him and believe and pray that He will lead us in the direction that he has chosen for us, whatever that may be. You are a sweet person, one of the sweetest that I have "met" in the online scrapbooking world. You are true to your feelings! I respect you for your opinions, your honesty, your creativity and your loyalty to your readers. You share so many personal details with us and I don't think most of us would do that. You have taught me to be ME and to live my life in the happiest way I know how. I hope YOU have a beautiful Tuesday!!! P.S. Hope Sadie feels better soon too, I saw on Facebook that she has croup. My dd, Kierra had that in January and for a few nights I slept with her and listened to her wheezing all night long, poor thing! Hugs to your family!!

[Kami]

Wow!! Sorry for the long post. I guess you sparked something in me today. hehehehehe

[Ana F.]

Stephanie, I don't have family or friends serving, so as you said it has always been so easy to forget certain things that don't belong to my inner circle. Reading your blog changed so much in me. You have no idea. Thank you for sharing your life.

[Cyn]

Unless you have personal ties to the military, I think most people forget that "our troops" are "our people".

I haven't been to your blog before today, but thank you for sharing your personal experience and those moving photos.

If any of your readers are looking for a small way to take action, check out http://operationwritehome.org/ which sends handmade blank cards overseas for our troops to keep in touch with home.

[mmullenix]

Beautifully said! Thank you for sharing your heart. My husband is in law enforcement, and every time I hear of a deputy getting killed in the line of duty my heart sinks b/c I know it is but by the grace of God that it isn't him.

[JosieK]

What a beautiful post. Thank you for reminding us because we easily forget if this war isn't immediately effecting our families. I have always prayed for an end to this war and will continue that it ends soon and these hero's can come home to us. Blessings to you and your family.

[Bree]

This is actually one of the main reasons I stuck around on your blog once I found it. I wanted a connection to the military life and you brought that reality a bit closer for me. I have two little ones like you and couldn't imagine going through the emotional turmoil you went through, but because of your blog I made myself imagine it along with you. It made me pray. It made me thankful. It made me aware. I cried when J came home. It truly is a miracle that he did. I'm glad you are finally ready to pull those difficult feelings to the front of your heart. I know I would be scared to feel it all over again, but you are a strong woman. Thanks for always sharing your life and heart on here with me :-)

[Sherry Cartwright]

Reading your post made me teary-eyed. So close to heart --- I don't have military in my family anymore, but live it day in and day out as I work for a government contractor and live soooooo close to Fort Hood. Thank you for your beautiful words and for sharing your soul. Hugs.

[Wendy]

Hi Stephanie - I'm a faithful blog "lurker" but decided to come out this one time and post. Your blog post opened up the tiny box in the back of my heart as well. I have never watched my husband go off to serve for our country but my husband's best friend and wife are in the military and each have been deployed to Afghanistan twice. I hold my breath when I hear on the news that we have lost a soldeier. I think about them constantly and pray that they are safe. Reading your post and seeing those pictures really sparked things for me again. You truly captured exactly what family of friends of these brave soldiers feel when our loved ones are off in such a dangerous environment. Thank you for that.....very cool.

[Holly S]

Beautifully written with such elegance and a touch of fear. I have no idea nor would I even try and know what you and other men/women and families of active soldiers go through during a deployment-the balance of worry and heartache verses the need to put on a good face for your children trying to fill his shoes and let life be some semblance of 'normality' for them. Your husband is a true American hero and you Stephanie are a hero too! Peace, hugs and kisses to you and your family XOXO

[Donna]

Thank you, Stephanie, for your honesty and for sharing such a deep part of you. Please give your husband a hug and tell him I said "Thank you, Soldier, for serving for me and our country. I appreciate you and what you do."

[Ginny C.]

Stephanie, what a beautiful & heart-felt post. I found your blog while Jimmy was deployed. At first it was just for scrapbooking inspiration, but as I checked in each day, it became more. Your family became a part of my family. I worried about you & your girls & everything you were going thru. I prayed everyday for Jimmy & his men. You became the inspiration, Stephanie. You are such a strong loving wife & mother & the photos of your girls prove it. I was an Army wife a long time ago & I hate to admit it but I wasn't very strong during those long 18 months apart. Thank you for sharing & reminding me how lucky I am to live in this wonderful country. My husband & I try to do RAK to our soldiers & their families whenever we can.
Hugs to you & your wonderful family - try to put those fears behind you & just love each day.

[pidgen]

Stephanie, you have brought so many of us along with you on this journey. Because you are so honest with us, it makes us want to stay and bear this burden with you (in some small way.) Even if you never scrapbooked, I know that many of us would still follow your blog and would still be moved to tears and to prayers for your family and the families who serve our country. Thank you for reminding us of the reality of day-to-day life in the midst of war. Praying for you as you deal with your yellow-ribbon box. Remember to always move forward with the lessons you gain from your past. {{hugs}}

[Samantha S]

Thank you Steph and thank you Major Howell.

[Grace]

Thank you for the reminder...Hugs Grace

[Mary]

Hey Lady! I read you every day but I haven't posted in a while. You always touch me but this posts of yours always pierce my soul! The truth is, I think people DO get it. But, I think it's hard for some people to "go there"; some of us are stronger than others. I think, as difficult as this is for you, you are one of the stonger ones. My father served in Vietnam...back when people used to SPIT on soldiers...we've come a long, long way as a nation. The citizens of this nation have learned much from their past and I think that, as much as they can, without having lived it, they do GET what these people (men and women) go through for US!! I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED Kathryn Bigelow's acceptance speach and how she paid tribute to all people in uniform both at home and abroad who unselfishly risk their lives for us everyday. You and yours are always in my heart and my prayers. Stay strong...but never feel bad about your weak moments...and don't worry about that box...it's how you stay sane. When you are ready you WILL be able "take it out" and "look at it".

[Jen Davis]

Hey Steph...I actually forwarded this to my FIL who was a drill Sargent back in the day...I know he (as I) will appreciate this thoughtful post.

Hugs to you and your family,

Jen

[Robin]

Thanks for the reminder. I just sent an email to the director of my daughter's preschool asking if we could have an adopt a soldier box at the school if I coordinate the collecting and shipping. I did something similar with a playgroup a few years ago. I NEED to do it more often! Thanks also to you for the sacrifices and struggles of you and your family during that time of deployment. While you're not putting your life on the line for your country you are giving deeply!

[Jennifer]

Thank you for this reminder. Not only to support the troops, but to remember them every day. And to remember their families and what they are hiding in their heart.

Thank you for this reminder. Thank you for the sacrafices you and your family have made for our country.

[summer]

Thank you so much for this post, it is so nice to be in the presence of someone who 'gets it'. I have pushed my box to the back for my husband's last deployment and have started tidying my box for his current deployment and there is a coping mechanism in that but also a huge sense of isolation (besides the obvious separation from him). Now, more than ever, I want my box open-I want to know what he is seeing, what he is going through, and how they are- my moment also came at a readiness meeting, the chaplain came in just as he would come up the drive way and knock on the door, so that we would know what to expect- wow, what a huge moment for me, for us. And thank you for reminding people that while this is 'what they signed up for' and 'what we signed up for' it does not make the sacrifice any easier, or any less worthy- they/we signed up for incredible reasons because that is what make them/us the people we couldn't live without- thank you so much for getting it and getting it today. just what i needed.

[Shannon]

This post really touched my heart, and brought tears to my eyes. I know all too well that fear of if "they" pull up. I shook every time the doorbell rang when my husband was gone. I was so scared he'd never meet his daughter, and he almost didn't. Many prayers for you as you deal with that yellow ribbon box.

[Kristen]

Stephanie--that was just so beautifully written!!! You should use one of those book services that will print your blog for you--you won't want to forget a single word of this post.

[Jenn C]

Your right... I hope your letter helps even more people understand what our troops do for us. I hope others start to take action and support our troops.

THANK YOU!

[Jenni Hufford]

oh my goodness steph, these words and images brought tears to my eyes. THANK YOU for the reminder to pray and support. THANK YOU to Jimmy and your whole family for the sacrifices you have made to protect each and every one of us and our freedoms.

[Diana]

Thank you! thank you for expressing yourself so BEAUTIFULLY. Thank you for giving us a view into what life is like on both sides. I am VERY grateful for the men and women who serve our country. My grandfather served in WWII and the Korean war. I think of him and how much he meant to me and what an example he was every time I see our Flag. Thank you to your husband for helping those that can't help themselves. thank you!

[Amy Coose]

Wow, Steph. That last pic just surprised me. The emotion that they go through each and every day must be unbearable. I often think how happy I am that Matt didn't stay in the military, how I never had to worry about him going into war, but it never crosses my mind how much they really deal with over there. Thanks so much for putting this into perspective for us. You are amazing, and I am blessed to call you my friend.

[Kim]

Steph, I'll admit I didn't "get it" until I discovered your blog a few years back. The anticipation of the Major being deployed, his deployment, coming home for R&R, having to go back then waiting for him to finally come home really gave me an inside into military life that I wouldn've never had otherwise. I've always appreciated our military and their families but after reading your posts I have a new sense of appreciation, respect and admiration. I am in awe and inspired not only by the strength of our men and women in uniform, but the strength in their loved ones waiting at home, trying to carry on with life as normal until their solider returns.

Thank you for opening my eyes and helping me to gain a better understanding. For teaching me to put my political views aside, to completely and whole-heartedly support our troops and their families while they are defending the liberties we hold so dear.

[Stacy Doolittle]

Very well said Stephanie. I know what you mean in a lot of ways. I was raised an army brat and both my brothers later joined the military. One is still in the army and in December returned from his second tour in Iraq. (I know it's a lot different when it's your husband, but...boy, the brother thing was pretty darn tough too.)

The picture of J covering his face broke my heart. I can't imagine what our soldiers have seen and dealt with. I look at my brother who has always been so kind, smart, funny, and about as close to perfect as a man can get in my opinion, and I see a difference in him sometimes- a sadness in his eyes. It kills me because he's so good and I don't want him to be any different than he's always been. Just like you, every time I think about it I just want to hug my brother and tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of him.

Anyway, I don't want to start crying. I just want to say thanks for this post.

Have a blessed day!

[Gioconda]

This was so touching. I think we forget when our going gets tough, to put it into prospective. Life is challenging for different people in different ways. But choosing to learn from it instead of feeling sorry for ourselves is what makes us better human beings. Thanks for the reminder.

[Dear Lizzy]

so beautiful stephanie!

i couldn't imagine that kind of fear looming over my head of loosing my husband or son or brother or dad...

YOU amaze me.

[Bethgholmes]

Thank you. This is so so beautiful and meaningful. My husband was deployed in what we call now "The First Gulf War". He was in the Navy on the USS Wisconsin and while I felt pretty sure he was physically safe on that huge Battleship with 16 inch steel plated hulls and still thought often about what he was seeing and how he felt about firing his big guns at actual people and not just target practice. I know I had a box like you did/do and it did take awhile to come out. I wish I could give you a real hug, but am sending a virtual one. I'm also going to pass this on to my husband.

[Nancy Barnes]

Thank you for sharing and God bless you and yours.

[Keshet]

I have to say, I never really understood it at all....but reading this goes a long way. Makes me feel more grateful to the troops than I have viscerally felt in a long time, possibly ever.

[mary]

Stephanie, what a powerful post. Thank you! I had some of those same feelings years ago when my husband was in Viet Nam. no email, no skype so everyday it was a run to the mailbox. in that year I think he called ship to shore once or twice. we do need to remember and to treasure each day.

thanks again for the reminder!

[Linda E]

I may not have a family member in the service but by reading your blog I have found such an appreciation for them and their families. So thank you, Stephanie, for sharing these serious posts among your scrappy goodies. This past Veterans Day, our church had a military honor guard carry the flag in and out of Mass. At the end of the celebration, our priest thanked them for taking time to do so and for serving our country. The applause were deafening and lasted minutes as if no one wanted to be the first to stop clapping for all of the selfless people who serve our country.

[Mustangkayla]

I had a high school friend who died in Iraq. Although its been a couple years, my heart still is sad over what he had to go through. Your such an inspiration...thank you for sharing your heart in such meaningful deep posts! You are truly a beautiful person!

[Leigh Erin]

Dang Ms. Howell! Well said. All of it. Makes my heart hurt, makes my stomach unsettled and makes my mind race (in that weird, unfocused sorta way). No doubt that J is a hero and you are a heroine. :)

[Shannon H.]

I truly appreciate your post today. My husband left yesterday for his 3rd deployment in 4 years. We have 4 kids under the age of 7. I will be all by myself with them for 6 months. Luckily, I will have them as a distraction. But it is so hard not to worry about him, to always be wondering if he is ok. I wish more people would take a minute and say thank you for everything the military is doing to protect us.

[Jen]

This made me cry. It's beautifully written. It's truthful and heartfelt. It brought back memories I wish I could forget. I grew up in a military family. I know the unspoken fear of "what if Daddy doesn't walk off the plane." Only I feared for both my father and mother. My dad came home a changed man, but he was still my father. My mother came back injuried. At the age of 39 she was medically released due to her injuries and was declared a war veteran.
I swore I wouldn't marry military because I didn't want to feel that fear again. Only I still do. I friends who joined the military, or married military personnel. I still worry for them.

Thank you for sharing.

[Becca Sutton]

I worry for our soldiers.
For their families.
I worry for you.

And I pray.

This post, this deeply personal peek into your soul, is the most powerful set of words I've ever had the privilege to read. Thank you, my friend.

Love you.

[Laurie Ann]

Wow! I don't know anyone in the military right now. I just want to say thank you for reminding me of all that is sacrificed, so that my little family can feel safe! Thank you for sharing those amazing photos! Wow!
I dated a man years ago who was in the marines. He went to Iraq with Desert Storm and came back a changed man. I can only imagine the horrors our soldiers witness. And just the constant stress they carry being in a foreign land at war.
God Bless them all!

[Lee Currie]

So wonderfully expressed, Stephanie.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=555336753]

I'm truly at a loss of words.

Thank you so much for showing your heart in so many of your posts, especially this one.

Reading through this left me with tears streaming, and a headache that only comes from that.

My whole heart goes out to these unbelievably brave soldiers, and their equally unbelievably brave families. Though, as you say, that's not all that we can do. I've made it a goal that when I get myself a job (hopefully soon) I'll be doing all I can to really support our troops. There will never be a limit to what we can do for them.

Thank you so much for this post. God Bless you and your family. All military families, and their brave soldiers away from home.

[jacqueline]

thank you for your post stephanie. i will be back tomorrow to see the sites you list...for us to send care packages. you have inspired me to become more involved. thank you for being such a wonderful army wife! and thank j for all of us!

[EvelynB]

Thank you for your beautiful post and constant reminder to be a compassionate, caring person, to acknowledge the difficult, emotional feelings that surround us everyday instead of trying to insulate ourselves from what is real and happening every day.

[Jill S.]

Thank you for making me feel. For making this real for me. I needed this.

[Katherine]

Yet again you have touched my heart with such true words - over here in the UK too many people ignore the fact - as ex-forces family we strive to remember and support where we can. One place in particular is the Help for Heroes charity. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. K x

[Account Deleted]

Thank you for your post. So often when I'm traveling and in-between in those connecting airports, I see all these young men and women. They seem SO young. And every time I run across a group of them having lunch at the same place I am, I pick up their tab. I tell the wait staff to do it in private. And I know it is a small, small thing. But I hope it means something. Whether they are sitting down to have a meal, or even if it's just a couple young guys in line at McDonald's I pick up the tab. Order what you want folks. This meal's on me...

[Debra Jenkinson]

Thanks, Steph. I, too, have those flashbacks, as does Brett. Twenty-one Blue Spaders, gone from this earth but never forgotten. Godspeed.

[Sumsmom528]

Your words are beautiful. It's so sad that reality is not so much. Up until almost a year ago, I didn't to hear about, read about, think about what was going on over there, that there was a war over there, and then my nephew graduated from high school, turned 18, and joined the Army. He graduated in December from Fort Benning and I drove many miles to attend that, to tell him how proud I am of him, to tell him how scared I am for him. I live my life now thinking of how he will be going there soon and thinking of all the men and women who are already there now, and it saddens me. You are so right. We shouldn't forget. We shouldn't ignore. Thanks for reminding people.

Corinna
www.myscrapbooklife.com

[melanie bauer]

thinking of you, steph. such a great post.

[Tiffany Johnson]

Great post... From one Army wife to another, BIG hugs.

[Lori Borntreger]

Such an amazig post,so beautiful! I'm teary eyed and have goosbumps. Thank you for the reminder that we can't ever forget!!!
xoxo

[Tere]

Hi Steph, I was thinking of you when I was watching the oscars :)!
This lady who won for best director and movie; she mention all the men and women serving the country... i was thinking if she really KNOW what she was talking about... I know her movie is about war and all the dangers the soldiers live with everyday (I haven't seen it ), but, I felt like, she just said that because of her movie... or maybe I'm a very bad person...I told my husband, "I know of a lady who would be perfect to talk and thank the troops, I know She has the right and sincere words to do it"

We recently welcomed back a member of our church congragation... when I saw him, I was shaking... and I shocked... I didn't know what to say... I just said THANK YOU, and give him a hug... the next sunday, I told the kids in my class (sunday school), that John, is a hero, and we need to be thankful to Heavenly Father that he was back with us. I also ask them to pray everyday for all of those who still serving and also pray for their families.

thanks for you always inspiring words!

[Amy A.]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! As a Mom who will be sending my son to Iraq in less than 60 days, this post touched a piece of my heart. And helped me realize that I have already started forming that little yellow box myself but didn't know how to say it. I hope to be as brave and strong as you and MANY other military wives and Mom's are. Our hearts are changed forever! Thank you J and all the soldiers who keep this war off of US soil.

[kelsey]

This was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I will never know what it feels like to be in your place, but I live in a military area and watch every day as families say goodbye to loved ones, never knowing if that will be it. You are so strong. You are a hero every bit as much as the soldiers.

[Nancy Wyatt]

WOW! You are so very right, we need to do so much more than what most of us have done. Which often times is nothing. Thank you so much for this!

[Mary Beth]

What a beautiful post! Stephanie, you don't know it... but every time I see your name under a published project of yours, I say a prayer for you, your hubby and your two precious babies. I really admire the person you are! ...and have a huge respect for your hubby and for your love and protection of him. You have always supported and lifted him up in your sweet journaling and posts. Keep it up, girl! Make us all realize and appreciate all that the service men and women and their families go through. ... great BIG hug withs lots of love and admiration...

your #1 fan at JLMS!

[Michelle Unruh]

Steph, this is such a beautiful entry. It made me all teary eyed.. especially that photo. I can't even begin to imagine all that you or they have gone thru. My husband is not in the military. I am so grateful for all that they (Jimmy) do to keep us safe here at home. I do worry for them and their families. I had a neighbor that was deployed to Iraq 8/08-8/09. He is in MN's Nat'l Guard... a door gunner. I was constantly asking his wife how he was, if he was ok. I am so happy he is home and safe. Thank you for a little dose of military life and for being so honest and real. Thank you to Jimmy and the rest of the military for keeping the US soil safe.

[Bre B.]

Thank you for this post. This made me cry because just the other day I was thinking about when my husband was deployed to Iraq and how I've almost forgotten how that time in my life felt and what we went through. You are right, it is so important to remember that at this very moment someone is missing their loved one who is deployed and is scared to death that they won't see them again. What a good reminder to pray for them all.

[Stacey]

Thank you for sharing what you go through. Thank you for reminding us. Thank you for being the wife that you are - to support the husband you have - who provides all of us our freedom and our safety. I will continue to pray for you and your man and your little ones - and all the service men and women and I will do more to support them. Thank you Stephanie!

[Jody]

:::sigh:::
You did it again...
it's 2:45 in the afternoon
and I hadn't cried once,
until now.
God Bless your husband
and the countless others
who put our safety before their own.
They are the true heroes in this world.

[Kathleen Loughran]

I am from a military family. My brother and BIL have 5 Iraqi tours between them. My husband honors WWII veterans by partaking in living history reenactments. I have wished that our gov't would require, like in WWII, some sort of sacrifice from all of us citizens for the war effort. Recycle certain items for supplies, ration certain foods, be surrounded by the posters that remind us that right now, right this moment some woman, some man are fighting for their lives to fight for ours and our American way of life. If we were were all invested on a day to day basis we would really never forget. We wouldn't take for granted our liberties.

I am grateful to my brother and BIL and so very proud of them both. I am just as grateful to my sister and SIL for taking care of home and family so they can focus without distraction on their jobs. That gratitude applies to every military family.

Thank you for opening yourself so completely, for being so raw and honest. You put into words what many families feel. Your words touch so many and remind us all what is at stake. Hugs to you, your girls and your Major.

[Kim]

Thank you for such a beautiful post. I needed the reminder. I can't begin to imagine what you and your girls go through on a daily basis. God bless you and your family.

[Patricia]

You will never forget that year. (And you really do not want to--it is part of who you've become.) You can put it aside until you can deal with it, but there will be something...a picture, a song, a smell, something...that will snap you right back to that year. It's kind of PTSD for wives. But you will also remember what you already know...you are a better, stronger person because of it. My husband flew in and out of Southeast Asia for 3 to 6 months at a time for five years during the Vietnam war. I never forget that time. And I'm so grateful he came home when so many did not.

[Betsy Gourley]

You have such a gifted way for "getting it out" in words and pictures and layouts. What a great talent God has given you. Thanks for sharing.

[Jen White]

This is such a beautiful post, thank you. We send a package out today to my cousin stationed outside of Basrah, Iraq. Please keep him in your prayers, he was on pins and needles to get home and get married in June (he has served 2 years in Iraq), just recently he received an email from his fiance dumping him with no explanation and will not respond to his attempts to contact her.

I hope that some cigars, magazines and cookies will put a smile on his face because I know he is hurting right now. I can't imagine what you and your family has experienced over the years and it is so important these guys/gals get thought of.

Much love--Jen

[Kimberly]

Oh you have me in tears. I was with my mother in Fort Benning, Georgia. Where you are now. I was on the other side of the door behind my mother when she heard the news (or better yet, fell to the floor) I just remember the chaplain picking me up and holding me as the Officer picked my mother up off the floor. That was 1968.

Fast forward,

I know how you feel. For I am now a mother of a soldier that has already been to Iraq. Now, I wait for him to deploy again in August to Afghanistan. I know he is training, he is ready, and continues to go to the field and prepare. But nothing, nothing can prepare one for when the knock comes to the door. That memory is vivid. That memory overwhelms me at times to this day.

Blessings to you Stephanie. Prayer, hobbies, and yes...the box with the little yellow ribbon are how it is dealt with in anticipation, not knowing, waiting, and then once again touching.

You are an honorable woman to stand beside your "J."

[Stephanie]

You just wrote my heart...my exact heart. My husband was deployed the first time for 15 months and is about to be gone again...for longer. This was beautifully written.

[Kirsty]

((((hugs)))) to all...

[marlene]

My brother is heading out with his Navy ship for the Middle East soon, and while it isn't as dangerous as the men on the front lines, we will still worry.

As for us at home, my dad saves all the funny pages from our Sunday papers and mails them off to the soldiers. Seems like a small thing, but we know those little reminders of home are special :)

[stephanie o.]

Stephanie, what a beautiful heartfelt post. My brother serves in the Marines, and has been to Iraq 3 times and is getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan in a few months. I passed along your post to my sister in-law, I know that she will appreciate it. Your words have touched me to the deepest part of my heart. I have followed your blog for a while, and only occasionally do I stop to comment, I could not pass up this post today. You have given so much of yourself over the years, your heart, your mind, your soul. You lay it all out, and you always do it so eloquently. Thank you, and thank you to Major Howell for all that he sacrifices each and everyday to protect our freedoms.

[summer]

oops, that was supposed to be in response to Stephanie, although your comment was nice too Grace :)

[Chrissy]

Yes. Amen. Thank you. I don't blame people for not getting it, because so many unfortunately DO. When I get antsy, I tell myself I'm not the only one. It's tough to comprehend 70,000+ troops and every single life attached to that one Soldier, Airman, Marine, Seaman, etc etc. The spouses, the parents, the kids and friends...it baffles me sometimes. I just keep praying. Great post.

[Jennifer Henson]

Wow. Wonderful post-we all need the reminders. Hugs, prayers and thanks to you both-and those who serve on our behalf.

[JaYne]

I read you every day, but you touch my heart the most when you post like this. You are right, we do put that in the back of our head, in that little box. Even when we've been through it.
Thanks for the reminder. We shouldn't forget, ever.

[Colleen Sheehy]

Stephanie - I know I am a stranger to your J, but please thank him for all he has done , is doing and will do for our nation.
I look forward to seeing those links on our blog tomorrow. I'd like to send some letters to our boys and thank them too!

[Angie F]

It is a serious post, but I appreciate all you shared! It's hard for us civilians to understand it all. I have family in the military, but not my husband...not my brother, etc. so it's a distanced worrying that I do. It's not the same. Thank you.

[Lynn]

Stephanie,
You are an amazing woman. You and J are so blessed to have each other. I can't even begin to tell you how much you have touched our lives. I talk with my husband about you all the time and what inspiration you give us all to be better mothers and parents.

I am so thankful for J and all of those that serve for us to have our freedom. Thank you for the reminder of how important it is for us to thank those that serve our country and for us to offer constant prayers of support and safety for our troops.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are a truly beautiful person and although I have never met you in person, I feel very blessed to know you.

Love, Lynn

[Tina B.]

That was a beautiful post. Thank you for reminding us every day to be grateful for what we have because of the men and women who are protecting us. We all should never ever forget them. Every time I see military men and women I walk up shake their hand and tell them thank you from the bottom of my heart. My daughter does it too!!! Thank you again for a beautiful heart felt post today.

[Lisa]

As always, an eloquent, beautiful and heartfelt post. We have a friend in Iraq and I will go tomorrow to send him a box (he's home on leave right now but it can be waiting for him!).

Thank you for sharing.

[Mariah]

A million thanks to the men and women who served our country, and to the many family members who stood behind them at home while they did.
Your sacrifice is not unappreciated.