so worth it.

pile of feet that was spotted at my latest ultrasound.

don't be grossed out by all the other blobby freaky looking stuff. hee!

apparently it's almost impossible to get a good 3D image with twins b/c of all of the shadows that they cast on each other.

but all of these feet piled together? they kill me.

i

can't

wait.

to see those feet snuggled together in the cradle.

to hold them both and smell their sweet baby smell. to hear those new baby noises.

the peeps. the squeaks.

the cries.

the swaddling. the teensy diapers.

the yawns and stretchy arms with wobbly fists.

the "frog" legs bent up against their little bodies.

the way their breath smells so sweet.

it's so worth it.

the fear, the pain, the notknowingwhatisnext

so worth it.

 

i'm doing this day by day.

yesterday was a hard day. i went to the hospital b/c i felt weird.

no other way to explain it. i was worried it was my blood pressure.

so they hooked me up to the fetal heartbeat monitors...

blood tests, urine test, pulse, blood pressure. and i was fine.

my heart rate was high, and the doctor said this to me.

are you stressed?

uh yes.

are you eating and drinking as much as you should be?

uh...i don't know.

and i realized i didn't.

i mean, no idea.

 

 

so i've decided. i am taking care of myself.

and by myself,

i mean cate and lucy.

and that means saying no to certain things. and letting go of other things.

and not feeling guilty. or like i'm a bad mommy.

 

a sweet friend (and fellow mama to twins!) told me about a verse in proverbs that says this:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body."

this is my new mantra. praying, resting, letting go. looking forward to the future and knowing...

it's so worth it.

i will think positively. i know what can happen. i've heard all of the worst case scenarios. read every book i can get my hands on. there are a lot of WONDERFUL scenarios too. i choose to focus on the positive.

i cannot control the way this is going to go. i simply can't.

but i can control how i handle it. and i want to do it with a smile on my face and hope in my heart.

i can't wait to meet these babies.

and kiss those little feet.♡♡

Comments

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1668443056]

Start my day reading you're blog,and i alway's feel better...:)..Make sure you take care of you and those baby's,you need to be healthy for all youre girl's...:)

[Lori in AZ]

((((hugs))) to you and your sweet 4 girls & J. You are right, think positive and eat well for these babies! Enjoy the time before they get here and not do too much while waiting but most of all...don't be afraid to ask for help!!

I am loving your sono pic! Wonderful feet!

[Jennifer Camplin]

awesome pix you have got.. can't wait..

Take care!!!!

[Jenni Hufford]

this is too precious stephanie. praying for you and your sweet girls! (this is almost making me want another one!!!:) My favorite verse: Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

[Ali]

I think that is the perfect mantra. I love it -

[breanne and madelyn]

what a BEAUTIFUL photo!!

[Ann]

I love it -- caring for yourself without guilt. Good for you! You'll need that one for a while...through the pregnancy and as you welcome these wonderful bundles of life into your life. Take care of you...

[Elizabeth]

Good for you! Take care of yourself and rest up when you can.

[Meghann]

Whee! I am so excited for you! Just focus on what is important & everything will be fine! Praying for you!

[kate nazif]

You are going to have to take a photo of their "pile of feet" after they are born and put it next to this. so adorable. You have to take care of yourself and keep reminding yourself to do it!

[Cari Skuse]

Always trust your body, especially with twins. I went into premature labor a few times with my twins and when I did I just felt off. So listen just like you did yesterday. Take it easy and take care of yourself just like you said. You'll make it till the end and those girls are gonna have a wonderful family where they will fit right in!
XO

[sharron]

yes i sooo agree.. always listen to that little voice in your head and in your heart...the pic is stunningly beautiful. modern technology..wow!!!
take care and know that we are all out here praying for your sweet li'l family.

[sarah]

what a LOVELY photo! when i first looked at it, i though: what an adorable pile of feet! and then i started reading your words - and you mentioned them "piled together". made me smile. this whole post makes me smile! YOU make me smile.

xx.

[Lisa Kisch]

I am so jealous of you in some ways-- getting to meet two new little people and getting to experience all that...newness. The whiff of a newborn is enough to make me tear up! (I keep telling my husband that one way I will catch the vasectomy not looking and baby three will be on the way. lol!)

I think the babysitter idea from last post is an AMAZING idea. Don't think of it as doing something for you, think of it as doing something to keep the babies inside for longer!!!

Lots of hugs for you, Lady!

[Lorrie kibler / dnksmommy]

another beautiful posts. I can't wait to see pics of your sweet babies and their little tootsies!!

[Peg]

Oh, my Stephanie. I'm so glad you went in and I hope you got some answers about what you need to be doing for food and hydration. It seems like J should be home soon. Sure hope so and hope you'll get someone to give you a hand until then. I know it's so hard to ask but as one who loves to be helpful, it feels so good to help and believe those that say they'd like to help. I promise they aren't just blowing smoke. :)

The feet are wonderful and make me smile. Those 2 girls all piled on each other! Sweet!

[Icecat62]

If you ever feel 'weird' again, go to the doctor. It's better to have a few people think you worry too much than to ignore something that may be a problem. I didn't ignore the weird feeling and my doctor found that I had low fluid and my DD was breech. Off to the hospital we went and the next day after being hooked up on monitors, she was delivered by c-section. You have mom-sense, so keep on using it! :-D

[carol]

pile of feet! i love it ;)
I know that feeling weird thing....it's justifiable. And it usually is blood pressure. Glad you are ok and that those sweet girls are doing well.

[Kathy R]

The best thing you can do for your children is take care of yourself. Never ignore a weird feeling either.
I love newborns too but my favorite "part" is their feet.Just love kissing those tiny toes. Great photo.

Take care.

[Colleen Sheehy]

My thoughts are with you. I hope the strange feeling has gone away. You are so right that new babies are so worth it. Hang in there and rest up.

[Christine Ousley]

Oh, so cool. I have never seen one of those 3D ultrasounds. I can't wait to see their little feet either. Thanks for you honest, heartfelt, uplifting post. You can do it Stephanie. Attitude is everything.
xoxo, Christine

[Keshet]

Take care of yourself and feel better soon!

[michelle tabb]

I'm usually a big lurker. I've been reading you for about two years and had to post tonight well, because I am a mom of twins too. My twins are 8 and they are fraternal boys. I just wanted to encourage you - you are doing so great and making it to 25 weeks is fantastic. I was on bedrest all but four weeks of my pg. so I know about that weird feeling. I'm SO glad you listened to it. Just remember to rest and hydrate. Your body is having to compensate so much for the extra burden. I am praying for you and can't wait to see Cate and Lucy (but not until they're fully cooked at least 36 weeks)!

[Lonely Scrapbooker]

Stephanie it IS so worth it. And the chronic sleep deprivation when they are here? Worth it too. I was terrified for my entire pregnancy once I found out I was having twins. High, high anxiety. And now they are one year old and I am the happiest mama on the planet.

[Kirsten J]

Ohhhhh I love baby toes - good nibbling. And then they're size 12.....wait, you're having girls :) I'm a dork. It is worth every single minute. Keep chanting. And those little noises? Waaaay back, probably before you were born, there was a movie....Gremlins....and 6 years later we had our baby, and we called him little Gizmo. Loved those squeaky sleepy noises. Ahhhh! I need a baby fix!

[jodie]

I love your blog. Never commented, but as a mother of three and a half year old twins, I know about the worry of carring them to term. I went to 34 weeks, (delivered mail in the snow and cold till 32 weeks)you can do this Stephanie! And yes get a sitter to help you at night. Four children to take care of is alot! Rest up, so you will have healthy babies and a healthier momma!

[kristen]

great snapshot of the cate and lucy!!! take care and keep up your great matra!!!! =) hugs to you.

[ady abreu]

I want you to know that I love your blog and when I read it, I pray that you have a healthy delivery when you carry the girls to term. Rest, Rest, Rest and get all the help you need or may not need for you, the girls, and the twins.

[Danielle]

Sweet baby girls! Yes! Take care of you. Slow down. I hope J is home soon! You need him now!!

[meg watwood]

you are right, i promise...SO WORTH IT!! but i also promise i know the point you are at...you feel full-term pregnant, yet you have so far to go...i remember nights of just crying, knowing i had 10 wks...70 days...left, thinking "i can't do 70 more days! i don't think i can do 20 more days!" but somehow...you can. it sounds cheesy...but 1 day at a time. each morning...that day was my goal. my dr told me that each day in the womb was equal to 2 days in the NICU, so every day i could bake them was 2 less days they would need NICU. it was such incentive to make it through that day!! a twin pregnancy is so so hard and i am proud you went to the hospital :). the majority of twin preg outcomes are wonderful and i know yours will be too! one day at a time...

[Christine Campbell]

I can't wait to see them too, but hopefully it won't be for a very very very long time!! All you can do is take it one...day...at...a...time. Eat, sleep, be a mama. That is all you have to do. Everything else is secondary. Everything else can wait. Dishes...who cares? Assignments...can wait...maybe that means cutting back, only you can decide. (Blogging of course, is not optional..LOL) :) I say to people all the time I'd love to have 2 sets of twins (because I want 4 kids and I'm running out of time and well, that would kill two birds with one stone, so to speak) and people think (and have no problem telling me) i'm nuts. But I would give my left arm to be pregnant RIGHT NOW with twins. Guess that requires a man first, huh... :)
Always go with your gut... good thing you got checked out just in case. Love the little feet shots.

[Kimberly Garofolo]

Love your sweet words...what fun to see those little feet! Thank you for being transperent through it all...you are real...genuine...one of a kind treasure! I love knowing you more and more!
xoxo
Loves,
K

[Stephanie]

Your words are always so strong, so sweet to read. And I always look forward to read your posts. So take care of you, Cate and Lucy. Harper and Sadie know you love them and, my god, they are already strong for this to continue their merry way with you, more in tune with yourself, with them.
Sorry for this English...

[Amy K]

Aren't babies' feet and fingers the most amazing things? I love your ultrasound photo.
I so admire you...you're strong, positive, and simply a wonderful mother & wife!
May God continue to bless you and guide you with His wisdom!
Take good care of yourself...

[Rhona]

I love that scan photo with the little feet - too cute! Take good care of yourself and your sweet babies, can't wait to see your little ones when they're born and really can't wait to meet my first grandchild around the same time :oD xx

[vanessa]

hang in there girl...you got this..or I should say you got these little ones :)

[Kathy Martin]

Stephanie...you have such a beautiful and positive way of looking at things! And you express them so eloquently! I enjoy reading your blog...thank you!

[Tracy]

keep up the good work of growing healthy babies and keeping a positive attitude :)
as for the hospital visit, GO, don't second guess yourself. be a frequent flier b/c peace of mind is worth it and as you know, multiple pgs can be more of a struggle so the sooner you catch something, the better for you and the babies. take care!

[Ana F.]

Steph, a have two boys 8 and 6 and if you keep talking about baby smell and tinny feet I might end up having another one! lol
I'm so happy for you and your family. Try to relax and breath.

[Dolly]

I am so glad that you went and got checked out..it is so easy to get fragmented with all that you have on your plate right now. Sit, breathe, drink water. I wish that I lived closer to you so I could run over and help! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

[Robin]

Today you have helped me see that it's okay to leave the dishes, vaccuum later and take care of myself, my little growing bean, my daughter and hubby. Sometimes, it's good to treat yourself the way a friend would want you to.

[Amy Coose]

Yes, you definitely need to make sure you are taking care of yourself, so those sweet peas can continue to just grow and grow! I'm with you, those little feet everywhere are too sweet!

[Ally White]

Listen up chicky.....you take care of yourself and never fell guilty about it. You and those little pile of feet are worth it!! :) Sending good positive thoughts your way.....did you get them yet? Hee Hee :)

[Marlene]

My ribs hurt just looking at those 4 little feet :)

[Roxanne]

Oh my goodness! What an absolutely priceless picture! Do take care of yourself, and let people help you! I would if I were closer!!!

[C. Rayevich]

Everything will be fine, just make sure you take care of yourself Steph!!
xo

[Beth Ann]

The ultrasound photo is amazing. Thank you for sharing it. I have you and Cate and Lucy in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and I wish you a relaxing peaceful weekend...

[Candy]

You are so perfect to be having these twins. I hope you are resting every second possible. I wish I could help out!

[Amanda]

Ahh big {HUGS} to mama! Hearing you describe it all just takes me back to those glorious days of my twin pregnancy. It is ALL SO WORTH IT! Drink lots of water, prop your feet up, eat little bits all day, and enjoy sleeping through the night. Sending prayers and thoughts for you and your precious family from Texas, Amanda

[Mary Rogers]

hugs Stephanie!! love those sweet baby feet!

[Rebecca]

Those little feet just gave me the chills! So amazing to see! I hope you know you are doing a great job. I can only imagine how tough it is doing all this without your husband there to help out. Having a little help sounds like a great idea. And don't forget, take it one day at a time!

[Natalie]

So glad to hear everything was okay! Love your perspective and outlook on all of it.
Take care,
Natalie

[tara pakosta]

Like I said before, "you are the luckiest girl I know! Identical twin girls, I can't think of a more lovely beautiful blessing in all this world"!!! take care of YOURSELF and ThOSE girlies!!! hugs!
tara

[Mary Ann]

What a sweet photo.
Can't wait to see pics of all 4 girlies together.

[Marti Richards]

Oh my!!! I LOVE that u/s pic! I adore baby toes- such an amazing picture!
(((HUGS))) You and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you have a great relaxing weekend!

[Brianaj]

I know you can do it, you are one tough mama raising the girls half the time by yourself. I really admire you for that. I can't even begin to imagine how strong you are from that. So I'm not thinking you can't do this one bit . . cause what other choice have you got, right ; )

I had a friend in HS who was having twins and I seriously wondered how she was ever going to manage. And she surprised the heck out of me and did a fantastic job and having an older daughter as well. She just went at one speed and stayed laid back cause she realized long ago that was the only way she was ever gonna make it when her mind still intact.

You chose names??? yeah! I love those names. They seem just like names you would pick - perfect with Harper and Sadie. Really super cute. I always wanted to use Lily but my little girl was my last.

So, didn't mean to talk your ear off, just wanted to tell you I appreciate your noticing my layout at SC. Your scrappy opinion means a lot to me.

[Brianaj]

oops, I meant she was a friend from high school - not a friend having twins in high school.

[jacqueline]

stephanie...just know that we all love you and that are in our prayers. just, take it easy. stay hydrated and get that sitter. if i lived nearby, i would help! but, since i am many, many hours away...my good thoughts will travel your way! have a good weekend...relax!

[Betsy G]

So glad you are having a better day. Half of the battle is mental. God is good and he has a plan for your family, and he will only give you what you can handle, even if it doesn't seem like it some days. Love the US pic

[Ginny C.]

What an adorable photo of those sweet little feet. I'm so glad you're feeling better. You need to put yourself at the top of the list & don't feel guilty about it.You could never be a bad mama, the love you have for your children is amazing.

[kate blue]

follow your gut...no feeling is too weird when you are pregnant; trust me I know from experience...I just wanted to also let you know that I am always inspired by you as a scrapper and wanted to give u credit..I lifted one of your 2008 layouts today!! I know, I had too much time on my hands....kids were entertained so I had free time :) take care of yourself!
KB

http://kateblue.blogspot.com/2010/09/scraplift-of-day.html

[Tinka]

Love the pictuere of their feet! And, you are an awesome mother...no way could you ever be a bad one! Please do take care of yourself. Not just for the sake of Lucy and Cate, but Harper, Sadie and Jimmy need you to be healthy as well! Never ignore your feelings about your pregnancy or let anyone discourage you from having something checked out if you feel it's not right or weird. It's your body, you know it best. Continued prayers for a problem free pregnancy and birth.

[Abby]

What a precious picture! I can't wait to see more layouts of your sweet babies and the whole girlie group! :0)

[Janna]

I love this post!! Thank you. For sharing this kind of stuff with the world at large...me! Love reading your blog:) Take care of you! And your sweet family.

[Dasa]

You are such a wonderful mama! Hugs to you & hope you feel better