need proof that i'm a little spazzy? a tad awkward?
i offer you the following scenarios.
warning: i've probably told some of these before, but the dang mushy brain i've got these days makes it hard to know for sure.
1. when you drive onto hunter army airfield, the security guards check your ID and greet you with this saying.
"Rock of the Marne". I'll spare you a long, drawn out history lesson. If you are curious what it means, you can click on the name and you can read up.
in any event...
i can never tell what they are saying and i always forget what it is supposed to be.
one time i thought they were saying "ROCKIN MORNIN'!!". and i thought it was cool that they were so excited.
but the best time?
is the time i thought the man said
"TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA!"
so i replied
"and the top of the mornin' to you, good sir!" (in a BAD irish accent) and did a little awkward half-bow and salute.
you should have seen jimmy's face. i'm still laughing just to think about it.
awkward.
♡
2. i am always getting the words to songs wrong. always.
beast of burden by rolling stones? i thought it said "i'll never be your big suburban".
with our without you by U2? "we flow without you".
awkward.
♡
3.in high school a friend told me that stop signs with white around them were "optional".
i rolled through stop signs for days until i figured it out.
thanks chris waters.
awkward.
♡
4. when i entered the room on Chi Omega acceptance day, my name was announced. i was then supposed to gracefully descend three stairs.
i bet you see where this is going...
i fell down the stairs.
then got up and bowed.
awkward.
♡
5. I can do the robot and the Charleston like nobody's business. my long limbs make this especially entertaining. and make jimmy especially embarrased for me.
awkward.
♡
6. in junior high louis macey asked me to "go with him". i told him i needed to think it over. the truth? i didn't know what it meant. i had to go home and ask my mom.
awkward.
♡
7. in fifth grade, sean mcbride kicked me in the shins on the way into class. i fell on the ground dramatically and moaned and cried.
the teacher? stepped over me and kept teaching.
awkward.
and with those seven stories, i don't blame you if you never return here again.
:) :)
xxo
s
Seriously, I never tire of your stories!
When I was younger, there were some songs I misheard as well: Beatles Paperback Writer, I thought they were singing Take The Back Right Turn. Eagles Witchy Woman, I thought it was Windshield Woman. Not sure if I was picturing a squeegee kid or not.
Posted by: Michelle S. | 01/20/2011 at 02:01 PM
The "Top of the Mornin' to ya" has me literally LOL'ing right now...
Posted by: Jessica | 01/20/2011 at 02:04 PM
Why is it I can see Harper doing number 7 in a few years? :)
Posted by: Steph H | 01/20/2011 at 02:05 PM
Oh, and my favorite song lyric mishap lately is my best friend thinks the words to Empire State of Mind are "In New York, I be come from where dreams are made of" instead of "concrete jungles where dreams are made of," and every single person on the dance floor at her wedding last summer belted out her version of the song when it came on. It was hysterical.
Posted by: Jessica | 01/20/2011 at 02:07 PM
Hmmmmm. When I was a senior in high school, I was crossing the school parking lot after band practice and fell into a manhole. I am so not kidding. The manhole was covered, but the cover was lose, I stepped on it, the cover tilted up and I slid right into the hole, up to my arm pits. My first reaction? To look around to see if anyone had seen me do it (despite the fact that both shins were now bloody and my elbows were bruised from trying to stop myself from falling all the way into the hole). Sadly, two drummers had seen the whole thing. It was all over the school the next day. I even went to the office to speak with the principal about the fact that this was a safety issue, and he LAUGHED me right out of his office (and not in a nice way, either). The episode even made it into "most embarrassing moments" in the yearbook. Lovely.
Posted by: Melissa | 01/20/2011 at 02:09 PM
You = funny!!!!
Posted by: tara pakosta | 01/20/2011 at 02:10 PM
HaHa!!! I too, get songs wrong all the time. Top O the morning to ya!!!
Posted by: Shara | 01/20/2011 at 02:13 PM
Oh, and "Spirits in the material world" by The Police? How about "I dropped my eye in my cereal bowl". I also had a student (air force brat) at Fort Campbell who couldn't understand the gate guards when they said, "AIR ASSAULT, SIR"!!!!! So, she asked her dad, "Dad, why did that guy just say, "I like your socks, sir"? So basically, you are in good company, and we love you EVEN MORE now! :)
Posted by: Melissa | 01/20/2011 at 02:14 PM
Love it and you! :)
Posted by: slammie | 01/20/2011 at 02:15 PM
crack me UP! don't worry...ur not the only one! for months i thought Jordin Sparks' song Battlefield had the words "get your mama" in the chorus instead of "get your armor"...couldn't figure that song out forever!!!
Posted by: Tammy Blalock | 01/20/2011 at 02:21 PM
I just almost peed my pants about the "top of the morning" one. And I REMEMBER the Chi O acceptance day entrance!! Lol
Thank you for the laughs!!!
Posted by: Melissa Allee | 01/20/2011 at 02:24 PM
Fun stories! I'm even more awkward than that but not brave enough to share any stories!
Posted by: Kelly Massman | 01/20/2011 at 02:28 PM
You are so not alone in your awkward moments. I have a lifetime of them as well, which I suppose means we are in good company. And for the record, remember the Lil' Kim song from 6 years ago, "Magic Stick?" I swore they were saying "Maggot Stick" and couldn't for the life of me figure out why something so gross was so popular. ;)
Posted by: Lora Oliver | 01/20/2011 at 02:29 PM
OH My GOSH.
HEEEEEEEEEEEE.
and by the way? i love that song.
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 01/20/2011 at 02:33 PM
and this is why the thousands of us come back daily...
Posted by: crystal johnson | 01/20/2011 at 02:35 PM
You are hilarious!!! Love it!
Posted by: Kate | 01/20/2011 at 02:35 PM
you are just too sweet :) never gets old reading your stories!
Posted by: ShellyJ | 01/20/2011 at 02:42 PM
HAHAHAHAHA....posts like this are precisely what keep me coming back to this blog every day. Your stories are too funny!!!! Love it : )
Posted by: Julianne | 01/20/2011 at 02:43 PM
I was laughin so hard that my boss wanted to know what was it... She can't stop laughin now! eeeeeh!
Posted by: Bea Monforte | 01/20/2011 at 02:46 PM
i should probably send this one to the writers of Modern family, when I first came here from Colombia, my second week in high school one of the boys in my calculus class said " Lina I love your nipples" I off course proceeded to slap him right in front of the entire class.....Then my friend said, why did you do that, he only said he liked your dimples!!!! Talk about awkward, I was humiliated for days, and needless to say the poor boy was too!!!!! I apologized to my him in class and blamed it all in english being my second language....poor thing!!!! I love reading your blog!!!! Keep the stories coming!!
Posted by: Lina | 01/20/2011 at 02:49 PM
LOL! I know the words to sing along to EVERY song, but they are my version of the words, and they are always wrong!
On time a girlfriend of mine was upset and called me ranting, and after like 2 minutes she took a breath and I told her, 'Becca, you know I don't speak spanish' (she was fluent in spanish) and she started cracking up and said, 'honey, that wasn't spanish that was southern!' (she was from alabama.
Posted by: Megan A | 01/20/2011 at 03:30 PM
Oh goodness! I laughed out loud from #1 on! I needed that...it's been a rough week, actually month, with my three trading off illness. Thanks for the medicine for the soul. ;)
Posted by: Kristen | 01/20/2011 at 03:36 PM
Those read to me like 7 reasons we read your blog - you make us all feel human, girl. Adore your spirit to laugh through it all...
Posted by: Jennifer | 01/20/2011 at 03:36 PM
seriously laughing while eating my breakfast...thanks for the giggle before work!!!!
Posted by: jody | 01/20/2011 at 03:37 PM
Thanks for sharing and giving me a chuckle at the end of the day....You're the best!
Posted by: Sherried | 01/20/2011 at 03:46 PM
LMBO! I cracked up from the beginning of this blog entry down to the comments! :D Except for the teacher stepping over you like you weren't there! lol! She could have helped you up, after all you were kicked!
Posted by: Raquel | 01/20/2011 at 03:51 PM
too funny!! Dirty knees and the thunder cheese, that is what my son sang instead of dirty deeds done dirt cheap. I could go on and on with all of the songs my kids have sung the wrong words to. I find it extremely entertaining. And as far as fallling, have you ever fallen and had grass stuck in your braces? I have!!
Posted by: Sheri Feypel | 01/20/2011 at 04:11 PM
Ok wow, that first story made me crack up out loud, that is sooo funny, I don't think I could ever recover from that one! Thanks for the much needed laugh!
Posted by: Brianne | 01/20/2011 at 04:26 PM
Love this post!!! Love coming to visit and read everyday! Thank you :)
Posted by: Berta | 01/20/2011 at 04:29 PM
Okay I am So with you on the songs. ALWAYS have them wrong. Remember Belinda Carlisle (yes BACK in the day) Oooh baby do you know what that's worth? Yeah I knew it as Oooh baby do you love the Smurf's! :) AHAHAHA That is the best one but honestly my husband is always correcting my lyrics. It's even worse since I LOVE to sing out loud a LOT.
Posted by: Monica | 01/20/2011 at 04:29 PM
enjoyed your post today and everyone's comments!
Posted by: samantha | 01/20/2011 at 04:50 PM
OMG! Steph! I return everyday! :) No worries here! :) Thanks for the smiles and chuckles today! <3
Posted by: Kathy Hoffman Floen | 01/20/2011 at 04:55 PM
i love visiting...and hearing your awkward moments, makes me feel better about the many awkward moments i have had. thanks for the laughs today.
Posted by: jackie | 01/20/2011 at 04:56 PM
Some of my very good friends were Chi-O's! I probably should have been but went Kappa Delta instead. No regrets, but I love that you were in a sorority! And I love that you share your awkward stories. It makes me feel more normal. :)
Posted by: Krista Nash | 01/20/2011 at 05:10 PM
you are amazing, lady! I love your sweet stories and wonderful sense of humor. thanks for my giggle of the day today
Posted by: Erika Bates | 01/20/2011 at 05:12 PM
If I ever go back to Stewart, I don't think I will be able to go through the gate with a strait face. That is priceless!!!
Posted by: Taylor | 01/20/2011 at 05:15 PM
too funny!
Posted by: Karen | 01/20/2011 at 05:32 PM
oh let me clarify....I am laughing with you, not at you.
Posted by: Karen | 01/20/2011 at 05:32 PM
these stories are the reason i come to your blog. that and your beautiful pages.
Posted by: Gioconda | 01/20/2011 at 05:41 PM
Thanks for the laugh, you know your screwed.....it's only gonna get worse with age ;)
Posted by: [email protected] | 01/20/2011 at 06:01 PM
Hysterical....thanks so much for a good laugh after a long day teaching squirrelly junior highers!
Posted by: amy | 01/20/2011 at 06:40 PM
Oh my goodness Stephanie! Those stories were great! I love that you shared them with us, because I still can't think about those kind of things in my past without blushing, much less tell anyone about them, and when I sat here and actually tried to think of things... well, I think I actually blocked them from my memory! And I KNEW there was a reason I liked you so much - WE are CHI-O SISTERS!!! (Alpha Alpha chapter, Univ. of North Texas!) AND I didn't know what the gate guards at Hunter were saying either.
Posted by: Sonya R | 01/20/2011 at 06:40 PM
You are so "NORMAL"!! whahaha number 1 was awesome I loved it to pieces. I guess it is something that I would do and say. whahaha You and your family are too stinkin adorable. Love it. Thanks for sharing. ANd Yes Harper sounds just like you! lol Grace xoox
Posted by: Grace P | 01/20/2011 at 06:41 PM
too funny - I never remember/know song lyrics either - and can never remember the title! too funny - you sound totally human and normal! and that sadie video is just precious - thanks for letting us enjoy "little ones" again for those of us with teenagers - it helps us to remember ours were sweet and little once too!
Posted by: Karen P (kphike) | 01/20/2011 at 06:42 PM
I am laughing so hard I have tears streaming. I just love your stories and the fact that you are so authentic. You are perfectly imperfect and that is why so many of us visit your blog daily. We just love you!
Posted by: Victoria | 01/20/2011 at 06:51 PM
We were stationed at Hunter too and for the longest time I did not know what they were saying when we checking ID :D
Posted by: Kristy | 01/20/2011 at 06:59 PM
thanks I needed that tonight! :) I've got a few stories of my own, it's ALL good! :)
Posted by: Diana | 01/20/2011 at 07:45 PM
Hilarious!!!
Posted by: Megan Renfree | 01/20/2011 at 07:51 PM
"SNORT"... No really I just did and Do when I laugh can't help it.Trust me I tried and that is not pretty .. YOU ROCK GIRL :) ((HUGS))
Posted by: Ellie | 01/20/2011 at 08:11 PM
Awesome. I don't feel so alone in my clumsiness, now!
Posted by: Linnea | 01/20/2011 at 08:12 PM
I'm rolling on the floor laughing, Stephanie. I get the words to songs wrong all of the time too and now I have a 13-year-old daughter who corrects me. Just wait! In the meantime, I thought this would make you laugh: http://www.ology.com/humor/watch-elton-johns-hold-me-closer-tony-danza. Have a great day!
Posted by: Linda E | 01/20/2011 at 08:14 PM
This was such a great read!! I could never be so brave.
One thing funny this past week, a little girl I watch {7} asked me in all seriousness "Does your dad's computer say "Toshiba"? I was happy about her reading {she really struggles} and I said, "Yes." I about died laughing when she said, "Why? Isn't that the lady with David?" She had just studied about David and Bathsheba in Bible class. I just about dies laughing inside ... but kept it together for her sake! :)
Posted by: Pidgen | 01/20/2011 at 08:19 PM
I could not tell what they were saying either, finally asked one of the guards and he told me Rock of the Marne and gave the history. I love some of their faces when we say it back, the kids really get a kick out of saying it back to the soldiers.
Posted by: Kim Sorensen | 01/20/2011 at 08:29 PM
I loved your stories. I literally laughed out loud at trying to imagine you doing an Irish accent and doing a little bow!
Posted by: Natalie Elphinstone | 01/20/2011 at 08:35 PM
When I went to college and we had freshman orientation, we had to assign an adjective to ourselves...like sassy sadie or whatever fit us best.
I picked Awkward Abby.
I knew my husband was "the one" when I realized that if we got married my new monogram would be aWk.
I like to think all of my awkwardness is endearing:) Especially my song lyrics...which I incorrectly teach my daughter.
My fav?
Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back: "Go 'head, big girl"
Posted by: Mrs. Inspired | 01/20/2011 at 08:35 PM
Steph---you and are such lost soul mates. I wished you lived closer to me so we could have you on our girl weekend scrapbooking retreats.
Posted by: Linda | 01/20/2011 at 08:48 PM
Thanks for the laugh! I could definitely see myself in MANY of these.
Posted by: Jill Sprott | 01/20/2011 at 09:02 PM
Thank you for sharing your awkward moments with us! This was fabulous...I needed a great laugh and this was it! (BTW -- i've experienced some of the same -- the stop signs in particular!)
Hugs
Posted by: wendy, NJ | 01/20/2011 at 09:08 PM
this made me love you more.
Posted by: Vanessa | 01/20/2011 at 09:12 PM
oh you are such a delight to follow...love that you shared those things!
Posted by: erin | 01/20/2011 at 09:28 PM
You have just endeared yourself to me! Thus says the girl who fell down the hill TWICE (while trying to sashay my hips cuz I knew that cute boy (i.e. now my husband) was behind me).
You girlfriend, are a hoot! Can I meet you face to face?
Posted by: Sharon Osborn | 01/20/2011 at 09:40 PM
i can totally relate to some of these stories
thank you for making me laugh out loud and realise i am not alone
Posted by: Mandy G | 01/20/2011 at 10:32 PM
omg, of course we will be back...you are a great storyteller and that is a lost art that we all need in our lives....
Posted by: nonnie | 01/20/2011 at 11:27 PM
Oh, I love it! I laughed out loud at the top of the morning one! Hilarious!
Posted by: nadine | 01/20/2011 at 11:31 PM
Thank you for making me laugh until I cried LMAO you nailed me at Top of The Mornin' LOL
In 7th grade I had to read out loud in front of the whole class. I read Maryland Compromise as Mary Land Com Promise. I just kept right on reading and the teacher was doubled over. Everyone else was howling and I could not figure out what was so funny LOL to this day I can't figure out why I said it like that LOL
Posted by: Noelle Reese | 01/20/2011 at 11:38 PM
LOL! Thanks for the laughs, I so need them! You are awesome!
Posted by: Carrielyn | 01/20/2011 at 11:55 PM
LOL I loved each and every one of this! Shows you have a great sense of humor and can laugh at yourself! What a gal!
Posted by: Kat Layton | 01/21/2011 at 12:36 AM
Stephanie, your stories make me smile and chuckle. LOL
Believe me I will be back again in case I miss out on any more funny stories.
;)
Posted by: Raewyn A | 01/21/2011 at 12:55 AM
You are way funny :-) And I love it that you can laugh at yourself! We may not all have THAT many awkward stories, but we all have SOME, so you aren't alone.
Posted by: Christina A. | 01/21/2011 at 02:51 AM
Oh my goodness you crack me up! Best of all, you can find humor in the awkward moments - love that!
Posted by: Amy K | 01/21/2011 at 04:23 AM
Thank you! I so needed to laugh today:) I love people that know how to laugh at themselves- what an awesome personality trait. I hope that is one of the characteristics that you can pass on to your girls because it will make them stronger women.Have a great day!
Posted by: Audrey | 01/21/2011 at 06:43 AM
Lol! My BIL used to think "Big ol jet liner" was "big ol Jed and the line up"!
Posted by: Kathy Martin | 01/21/2011 at 06:44 AM
Thank you for the morning laughter!
Posted by: Jen | 01/21/2011 at 08:06 AM
Top of the mornin to you, Stephanie. I love your stories! I'm right there with you, I'm forever embarrassing my family. But look at it this way - life is never dull around here!
Posted by: Ginny | 01/21/2011 at 08:07 AM
oh my word...the top of the mornin' story has me rolling. My co-workers think I'm nuts. I can't really say "oh this scrapbooker's blog I stalk etc..." lol Thanks for the Friday morning laugh, it will hopefully get me thru the day!
Posted by: Kelly | 01/21/2011 at 09:31 AM
oh no, it is BECAUSE of stories like this that make us come back! You are funny, sweet and awesome, Stephanie! Thanks for sharing with us.
Posted by: Dana | 01/21/2011 at 09:37 AM
HAHAHA - those stories make you even more endearing! :)
you're near Savannah, right? Who wouldn't think it was Top of the Mornin' to Ya? ;)
HAHA
Posted by: Christine F. | 01/21/2011 at 10:01 AM
girlfriend you are way too hard on yourself!!!!! some of us are even more clumsy!!
hugz,
mary t
Posted by: mary t | 01/21/2011 at 10:09 AM
Oh Im not hard on myself, I can make fun of myself. Theres a difference!! ;)
Sent from my iPhone
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 01/21/2011 at 10:16 AM
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!! You and I would be the best of buds. LOL
Posted by: Jenny Moore | 01/21/2011 at 10:24 AM
Your blog cracks me up! Have a wonderful weekend.
Posted by: Ally White | 01/21/2011 at 10:28 AM
Hilarious!
I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes.
I'm learning badminton now at nearly 40, and trust me, I feel AWKWARD. But I don't care!!!!!
Posted by: Lonely Scrapbooker | 01/21/2011 at 10:38 AM
I could match those..and in fact, I have to keep reminding myself, every time I get impatient with 10th grade son, that he is dealing with these issues every day, and we forget how hard it is to be a teenager...
Posted by: Candy | 01/21/2011 at 10:57 AM
You are such a hoot. I love reading your blog. I have been a blog stalker for awhile and have never dared comment (even when you asked us to - sorry). You are funny and real and downright great! Thanks for sharing your life with all of us and help in reminding us that we are all okay and aren't the only ones who have bad days, mishaps, embarassing moments, etc. You are real! Love that! What made me comment today, I saw for the first time that you are a Chi-O..... Me too! Keep on doing what you are doing! You are great!!!!
Posted by: [email protected]ail.com | 01/21/2011 at 11:31 AM
Awesome! Loved each one of those stories! :)
Posted by: natalie8817 | 01/21/2011 at 11:48 AM
I hope you see from these comments that we've all had mishaps of one kind or another... a few of my most awful moments in High School...
I'm usually pretty good with song lyrics but for some reason John Cougar Mellencamp's "I Fight Authority" sounded to me like he was singing "I dite a doh, ditty doh dee doo doo doo..." - and proceeded to sing along like an idiot with gusto in a car with a guy I liked. Who never asked me on a date after that. Hmmm.
I was on the pom pon squad - and we used to practice in the cafeteria after school. Our school was very oddly shaped (built during the sixties - think cafeteria as the center with a bunch of halls shooting off of it), and the football/wrestling guys and the runners would keep in shape by running in the school. I was coming around a blind corner and got knocked over by a runner who was really running hard - I heard my head go "CRACK" on the concrete floor - got a concussion. I was the laughing stock of the school.
And the last - I was in Toronto on vacation, in the underground shopping mall, and had been walking around for 15 or 20 minutes after going to the restroom when an elderly, proper gentleman approached me to say that I had something attached to my shoe - about 3 feet of toilet paper!
Ack! Add my overpermed hair and big 80s glasses and clothes and I think I could be a sit com!
God bless you and your family. I hope you enjoy your time with J while he's home. Your girls are absolutely gorgeous!
Posted by: Kelly | 01/21/2011 at 12:16 PM
Top of the morning to ya!! Oh man I needed that laugh this morning. Thanks for that. From one awkward lady to another, have a great day!
Posted by: April C | 01/21/2011 at 12:27 PM
I love it! You are so flippin funny!!!
Have a great day!
:0)Natalie
Posted by: Natalie | 01/21/2011 at 12:28 PM
you just make the rest of us feel 'normal'... smile..
i knew nothing...NOTHING about golf.. so when we passed a golf course and a guy leaned out the window and yelled "TWO" making everyone turn..well..i thought it would be equally funny to do so on the way back by but i yelled "ONE"! to this day i can't drive by a golf course without smiling... i bet he does too..
Posted by: kate | 01/21/2011 at 01:03 PM
Now we need a video of you doing the robot and the Charleston!
Posted by: Laney | 01/21/2011 at 02:49 PM
I have tears!! I'm laughing with you hun, really, I am...love ya!!
Posted by: Christine Campbell | 01/21/2011 at 08:19 PM
haha! That's awesome! I am laughing so hard...thanks! :-) Have a good weekend.
Posted by: Corey Brock | 01/21/2011 at 09:17 PM
STOP-tionals! wait, you mean they're not optional? ;)
These had me cracking up! My awkward moment for the day...after a week of lousy weather and not being able to get out walking, I decided to brave the ice today. I was so busy looking down at the ice patches, trying to avoid slipping that I walked smack into a sign...on a busy street during morning commute traffic. boom! LOL! Awkward!
Posted by: wendyp | 01/21/2011 at 09:52 PM
Just had to stop by and say tell you...what an awesome interview over at Ella! Congrats!
Everything was beautiful - glad to see your AWESOME red hutch/cabinet was included!
Posted by: Amy K | 01/22/2011 at 04:24 AM
You crack me up!! Too funny. And just so you don't feel like you are the only one, I have done some really awkward things like that too. :)
Posted by: Michelle Unruh | 01/22/2011 at 09:43 AM
Are you kidding? Your stories make me want to come back even more!
Love how you share all these things with us.
And the Rock of the Marne story is the BEST. Haaaaaa- I wish I coulda seen Jimmy's face after you said that and did your little bow...heeeeeee!
Posted by: Patty W | 01/22/2011 at 06:51 PM
I am laughing so hard, especially at the TOP OF THE MORNING ONE!
Here's one for you ...when I first got my period..I put pads on sticky side up...yep...and ouch.
Posted by: katie squires | 01/23/2011 at 06:22 AM
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ahahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaa
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 01/23/2011 at 06:39 AM
Being former Army and now and Army spouse, I especially enjoyed you "Rock of the Marne" story. I had to share it with my husband too. We both had a good laugh. Thanks!
Posted by: Benita | 01/24/2011 at 11:57 PM