perspective

 

sometimes i get perturbed.

about silly things...

with the fact that he's never home,

with snoring,

with socks thrown all over the house.

and then i remember that year.

six deployments now, but i always think of that year.

the fear, the terror, the worry.

the 25 pounds i lost, the memorial services attended, listening to amazing grace and seeing the anguish and despair on the faces of the women left behind.

looking at my girls, and for the first time in my life not knowing whether their daddy would come home.

the lines on his face that he acquired over that year.

the churning stomach, nails bit to the quick, emotional phone calls.

i think about that,

and suddenly i don't give a damn that he didn't help me do the dishes. all i care about is that he is here. and how lucky i am that he came home.

s

 

Comments

[Dee]

Amen!!!

[Jenni Hufford]

oh stephanie. what you (and j) went through i could never imagine. such a great perspective on perspective :) thank you for reminding us what is TRULY important in life. thank you to you and J for your service to our country.

[Kirsteen]

Oh Stephanie, thank you for reminding us what is truly important in life xxx

[Amy Z]

and we think about how lucky we are to have people like you who give up your brave husband for years at a time so we can be free. Thank you to you!

[Jessica R.]

Beautiful post! It is such a wake up call to think of those times. Life gets in the way sometimes but the past needs to be remembered sometimes to put it all in perspective.

[Karen]

....it really is all that matters!
If we didn't have the snoring..
we would miss it!

[Liliana]

It's true that is all that matters, all the other little petty stuff doesn't. Life is too short to dwell on unimportant things.

[Andrea DuBois]

I too remember that horrible, scary, uncertain year. The good thing that came of it was that it made me appreciate and love my husband even more than I already did (and I didn't think that was possible). Thanks for this post. I completely agree and actually needed to hear this today from someone else! :) Smiles and have a great day!

[Melissa C]

Thanks Jimmy for all that you do. I appreciate you and all the hard working men and women that protect me and my family.

Thanks Stephanie for being a wonderful mom and sometimes single parent while Jimmy is away. You are also appreciated and loved.

Much Love!

[Jen]

i can only imagine!!! a little bit of perspective definitely helps a whole lot! for me, it takes the whole idea of self out!
so thankful for Jimmy and what he does!
hugs!

[Lina]

You both are wonderful human beings with a bigger purpose on this earth. God has protected him and will continue to do so. Have a beautiful day!!!!!

PS: need some nursing advice....going back to work on monday ;-( I am planning on pumping if I can but what have you done in the past to stop nursing the babies?? I've been crying myself to sleep everyday just dreading next week, but i have to keep thinking that it will be ok.
xoxo....Lina

[Pat]

Thanks to all for the sacrifice to keep us safe.

[Wendy McKee]

see..you have a way with words, so simple but you get the heart of it all in just a few simple sentences. You are a wonderful women...to look after your 4 children and have this hanging over you all the time is amazing...

I always thought he looks amazing in that photo...so strong and in control...have you scrapped this photo yet? I cannot remember but if you havent i would and then just print out these words that you have written...that would be an amazing page!

[Stephanie Howell]

Oh sweetie, im sure that is so hard. Wishing you a smooth transition. With h and s I just started dropping feedings one at a time until I was just nursing them first thing in the morning and then eventually we dropped that one, too. Xoxo

Sent from my iPhone

[Melissa]

Thanks, Stephanie, for a good dose of reality for me. Seriously THANK YOU. I am SO glad my guy is home right now too. We are getting ready for our 4th deployment in September. But you are so right. Who cares if he didn't help with the dishes or wipe down the counters, doesn't clean bathrooms, move his huge shoes, put away his clean laundry or make the bed. He's home right now and that's all that matters.

[Alissa]

Thank you to both of you for all that you do!!!

xox

[Misty]

thank you

[Amy]

Thank you for your insight, Stephanie! I hope you have a beautiful day!

[Kris]

Truly what is important....what a heartfelt reminder to us all...tears right now...

[katie squires]

thank-you :)

[Helen Tilbury]

You are not only a talented designer but also an emotional writer - you should write a book - just slowly - chapter by chapter in a private blog - the Life & Times of an Army Wife - something like that...It would make a great read! And with your cute photos it could be pictorial too!

[Pidgen]

Steph, your priorities are nothing out of the ordinary ... God, family, creativity ... but your perspective ... your perspective - brings me to tears. Thank you.

[Kristen]

I was just thinking about this the other day... when a very pregnant me tripped over one of his shoes on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I could have lost him so many times during that year... like the time he stood on an IED (actually he walked back and forth over it three times). Thank God the guy that was supposed to push the trigger had gotten scared and was hiding instead of doing his job. We are lucky girls!

[Carrielyn]

Perfectly said.

[slammie]

So true! Thank you to your family and all the other families out there with loved ones serving. However, 'thank you' doesn't seem enough.....

[sarah]

much love + thanks to you both. for that year...and for all the years to come. xx

[micheleomega]

you are a hero to have made it through that year, family intact. however, this is good advice for any marriage. there are things that will drive us nuts about our spouse no matter what, but just a trip to the grocery store or out to get the mail or, heck, going to sleep at night could be the last time we ever see them. when you love someone, you forgive the shortcomings, accept that you have your own, and love no matter what. your situation drove home how lucky it is to have a spouse not in a danger zone; your post drove home that there should always be patience, kindness and love.

[Wendy Goodman]

Wow Stephanie, You are such a brave woman. You don't have an easy life, but it seems so full of love and appreciation. God bless.

[Chris]

I hear you on the perspective. I hope that you and your husband can continue to weather the storm of life and parenting and moving and deployments and war and uncertainty. It is hard.

[Margaret]

You write so beautifully on this topic. We've had only two deployments so far (12 and 15 months) and that longer one was our "that year," as grueling as you describe, with way way way too many notifications. The memorials, the good friends we lost, the way as an Army wife you have to figure out just enough--but not too much--about how you will get by if the worst happens, just so you can endure the every day. This may sound kind of backwards, but I often feel blessed that I *do* have the perspective that comes from enduring times of deployment. I think it makes me a more forgiving wife and helps to strengthen our marriage because we really make the most of our time together. Thank you for this emotional and beautifully written reminder.

[Nicole]

amen ;-)

[MandyK]

Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing it!

[Kim Ryden]

I needed this today. Thanks! My husband just started a new job and he's going to be traveling now, which he didn't do at his old job. He left on his first business trip yesterday and won't be home for 9 days. 9 DAYS and here I am freaking out. He's in California...not war. I needed this today! It's just 7 more days...some women have to wait 7 more months. Thank you for all that you do.

[Sherri]

that's a healthy dose of perspective indeed.

[tara pakosta]

that's the attitude that will get you far and make you happier! good for yoU!
thank you again J for all you do for our country!!!

I said a long time ago that I would stop complaining about my hubby leaving socks ALLOVERTHE PLACE , and it's changed my heart in so many ways. it made me let go of the things that don't matter and focus on what really does!

xoxo
tara

[Natalie]

Amen!!

[Debby Schuh]

I say "AMEN!" too!

[Sar W]

Your way with words just brought me to tears. I love the emotion you share with us. Thank you Steph.

[Jonnelle]

Oh, so sweet! Yall are both blessed!
btw - sippin on a glass of Cupcake Red Velvet per your recommendation - YUM!!!!

[Margaret (wildcatmom)]

One of the blessings of deployment for me has been a greater appreciation of my husband and how the little things only become big things if I let them.
And I had to look for blessings during deployment or lose my mind!!

[Account Deleted]

yep, it is all about perspective, knowing they are here is enough sometimes. ((hugs)) mag

[lorry]

Stephanie, another amazing post! Thank you and all the service people who keep us safe, sacrificing their lives and everyday little things so the rest of us are Free to do what we want.. Definatley a great Perspective!

[wendy, NJ]

You have just made my heart skip a beat! Thank you for sharing...but more importantly...thank HIM for serving our country!

[JaYne]

Amen Stephanie, Amen!

[joanna]

Thank you Stephanie for your service and sacrifice. Thank you to your hubby for his service and sacrifice. Deployments do put things in perspective.

Thanks for the reminder to put things in perspective as we prepared for deployment #2 within a few months.

[Angie F]

I'm so glad he came home to you and the girlies too! WOW!! I really can't imagine what it's like! Take Care!

[AshleyC]

Thanks for the great post! It was a great reminder of what is REALLY important in life. Thank you all for your service and sacrifice.

[Michela S]

This is such a beautiful post...you have such an amazing way with words and you are so lucky to have such a wonderful family..the way you manage to put everything into perspective with so much going on around you is a very admirable quality :)

p.s- can the pictures of the girls get any cuter lately?!?!

[Mich]

Life has a way of giving us a reality check - of making us realise just how precious our loved ones are. And how we need to hold them close in our hearts everyday.
Yesterday a massive earthquake hit a major city here in New Zealand. Fortunately my friends and family are ok, but so many families have lost loved ones, and so many have no idea where there loved ones are ... heartbreaking.

[Stephanie Howell]

Im so sorry mich. Keeping you and your beautiful country in my prayers.

Sent from my iPhone

[Kathy Martin]

Love this photo Stephanie! You lead an amazing life and I enjoy the peak I get to have of it!

[Dawn W.]

So thankful for your words again Stephanie. I remember 7 years ago when my husband was diagnosed with cancer thinking the same things, remembering how all those silly little things I complained about didn't matter one bit. Seven years later (and in remission) this is a very good reminder. SO thank you very much.

[Dana Nichols]

I love, love, love this post! You are so right! We all could use a reminder that we need to keep things in perspective and not take a single moment for granted. I recently lost my mother very unexpectedly. Her loss has really made me think about the fact that we are not promised anything when it comes to this life, and we need to grab hold of every opportunity to love, to laugh, to LIVE! Thank you so much for sharing your life on your blog! Your readers love you!

[Nancy Watson]

Stephanie - from one military wife to another....thanks for saying what I try to remind myself of all the time. Thank God he is here to not do this or that. Your post made me cry thinking of it all, but a happy one that he is here and I, Thank God, got through it all and made it to retirement right along with him.

[HEATHER I.]

I can not imagine. You strong lady you - deserving of a strong man. I always like to think I dont take my hubby for granted, but I know, reading this post - that I absolutely do. Those little things... snoring, the way his jaw clicks when he eats sometimes (what IS that?!?), the fact that he's a City worker, not a Soldier. And there. Just there. God bless your family. I hope you have lots of great moments. Thank you hubby from some peeps over here in S. Florida who are very grateful for the sacrifice that he and you and your (and every military family) family has made so we can all be safe. Blessings!!

[Daniele Valois]

It is important to reflect on these things. Everything else is trivial! Thank you for this post!

[Michelle]

OMG....chillbumps!!! You are so blessed!

[Donna]

Such a lovely post! Brought tears To my eyes...makes me very thankful! X

[Karla]

I love your blog...I have said that before. But, honestly, I don't know how you do it. I worry if my hubby is 15 minutes late from work.

This morning I found dirty socks in among clean laundry and guess what...I actually smiled!

[Rachael]

The others above are right, it seemed like the irritating things were what I missed most when my husband was gone-- No boots in the middle of the floor to trip over, no dirty green socks strewn haphazardly around the house. Now that he's been back for a year, I really must remember that perspective when I'm about to throttle him for tracking red clay onto my white rug or unloading a ruck sack all over the freshly cleaned living room. :)