eight years ago,
if someone told me that
eight years later
we would have four girls under five
six deployments under our belts
if someone told me that we would have,by now, lived in four states
in seven houses
i would have laughed. and maybe there would have been a little bit of a tremor in my hand. a tiny falter in my smile. not visible or apparent to anyone, but there nonetheless.
my heart might have raced.
i might have thought...really? no. that can't be right! we are going to have TWO children! one boy and one girl!
he's not going to have to go away that many times. because i don't know how to do anything by myself! i can't live at fort drum because i don't know how to drive in the snow!
i can't have a baby without him there!
i know he's in the army, but west point isn't the same as the real thing. i'm scared. can i do this? am i meant to do this?
and if i could tell me back then what i know now i'd say
yes, you can do this.
because first of all it's not *you*.
it's *us*
with the love of a good man and our father above
you will have more than you have ever dreamed of.
you will learn to be independent.
you will fall in love with four little girls, each one of them very different. and all four of them incredible.
that first deployment? will be scary alright. as will all the ones that follow.
but you will do it. you will learn to dig your car out of snow, you will survive. and you will feel so much stronger because of it.
you will learn how to put your heart into all seven homes. how to make them "home". you will learn that pictures on the wall and books on the shelves don't define where home is. no, not at all.
home is where the two, three,four, six of you are (depending on the year). sometimes home may consist of some of you in one place, and one of you in a makeshift shelter in another country.
but you will ALWAYS be connected by love, respect, and commitment.
you will have a baby without him there.
but it's not as scary as it sounds. and he will walk in two hours later and you will be okay.
he will take care of you. and his girls.
always.
he will be honest, faithful, brave, strong,truthful,and protective.
oh, and really really funny. you will lose track of how many times he makes you laugh so hard you cry.
he will hold your hand, rub your back, or GIANT pregnancy feet. he will guide you into a room with his hand on the small of your back and never leave your side.
he will talk you through some of the most scary moments of your life.
whether it be first time labor, cutting your finger to the bone with a new chef's knife, or not knowing if he will come home to you alive.
all it will take from him will be an "i love you, it will be okay" to calm your heart.
also? he will be the best daddy EVER. ever. hands down. your little girls will grow up with their hero for their daddy.
sure, you will frustrate each other.
his tendency to justify the reason he did or say something instead of simply saying "i'm sorry" will anger you.
your tendency to say "NOTHING" when he asks what wrong will anger him.
but you will learn to talk through these things.accept them. and grow.
simply put?
today is the best thing you will ever do. best choice you will ever make. today starts a miracle.
and at that point eight years ago my heart would have calmed.
i would have looked into his brown eyes and smiled. and said "i do".
it was the beginning of a beautiful,crazy,scary,hilarious,terrifying ride.
and the Lord had (has) so much more in store for us that we could have ever imagined.
happy 8th anniversary, james carr howell.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
i love you.
s
Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: Ana F. | 03/29/2011 at 07:10 AM
happy anniversary! this is the best sentiment i have read.
thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Jen | 03/29/2011 at 07:15 AM
Totally made me tear up. and that last photo? *I* want that one framed on MY wall :)Happy Anny, Howells.
LOVE LOVE LOVE you
xoxoxo
Posted by: Kelly | 03/29/2011 at 07:24 AM
you made me teary!!! So so sweet. Happy Anniversary sweet Steph and to you James!! May your lives together be filled wtih love, laughter and hopefully, lots and LOTS of togetherness :)
x
Posted by: Linda Trace | 03/29/2011 at 07:25 AM
Thanks for the cry this morning! Happy Anniversary sweet Friend!!!
Posted by: Shara | 03/29/2011 at 07:26 AM
Usually your blog makes me smile, giggle & often laugh out loud, but today you made me tear up. What a beautiful post. You are one amazing lady, Mrs Howell. Happy anniversary!
Posted by: Ginny | 03/29/2011 at 07:33 AM
Beautiful tribute that should be required reading for every military wife. Happy Anniversary to both of you!
Posted by: sherryg | 03/29/2011 at 07:37 AM
Sweet post.. Happy 8th Anniversary to both of you!!
thank for sharing.
Love snapshots!!
Posted by: Jennifer Camplin | 03/29/2011 at 07:53 AM
Beautifully written. A very happy anniversary and wishes for many more to come! :)
Posted by: Sarah @ 2paws Designs | 03/29/2011 at 08:08 AM
so beautiful...you rock stephanie and you both are lucky to have each other!
Posted by: Jill | 03/29/2011 at 08:08 AM
Happy Anniversary! Hope you both have a great day! Thanks for sharing your life with us!
Posted by: Sherried | 03/29/2011 at 08:09 AM
Happy Anniversary to you guys.
Posted by: Account Deleted | 03/29/2011 at 08:19 AM
Happy Anniversary...may God continue to bless you and your family for MANY years to come!!!
Posted by: Misty | 03/29/2011 at 08:19 AM
ok that had the tears flowing.......glad I didnt put mascara on! you have a talent with heart felt words :) happy anniversary xx
Posted by: mandy ni bhraonain | 03/29/2011 at 08:20 AM
awwwww.....happy anniversary s & j!!!
Posted by: taniawillis | 03/29/2011 at 08:25 AM
Happy Anniversary! We will be celebrating our 8th next tuesday. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I always love your anniversary posts :)
Posted by: Kristyn G | 03/29/2011 at 08:26 AM
Congrats on 8 Mrs. Howell!
You have such a beautiful way with words...
Posted by: Carrie K | 03/29/2011 at 08:40 AM
Happy Anniversary!! :)
Posted by: Jennifer | 03/29/2011 at 08:45 AM
Happy Anniversary! May all your future years together be just as blessed...
Posted by: Jill | 03/29/2011 at 08:48 AM
Happy anniversary to you both!! This is just beautiful. Love you, Steph!! :)
Jennifer
Posted by: Jennifer Stewart | 03/29/2011 at 08:50 AM
Happy Anniversary to both of you :)
Posted by: Mary Jo | 03/29/2011 at 08:54 AM
happy anniversary! may you have many, many more!! thanks for sharing a little slice of your sweet life!
Posted by: kim smart | 03/29/2011 at 08:58 AM
"Today is the best thing you will ever do."
Amazing!! I'm just sitting here with tears in my eyes. I love how honest this was -- it's not about marrying a "perfect" man ... it's building a perfect trust in where you are. From a single girl -- this was just an amazing post. Really challenged me to find that peace where I am. Thank you.
Posted by: Pidgen | 03/29/2011 at 09:00 AM
incredibly beautiful post. your love for each other and for the Lord is so apparent!!!! happy anniversary!
Posted by: Jenni Hufford | 03/29/2011 at 09:03 AM
Happy anniversary to both of you. I wish you many more joyful & healthy years ahead of you both.
Posted by: caroline | 03/29/2011 at 09:08 AM
Beautiful! Happy 8th Anniversary and many many more. It's obvious that you are so in love with your husband and your family and that is truly truly wonderful!
P.S. I've been reading your blog since Sadie was a baby, and I feel as though I know you....but I can't find you on Facebook?
Posted by: Jackee | 03/29/2011 at 09:08 AM
you are too sweet!!
here you go:
http://www.facebook.com/stephanie.howell
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 03/29/2011 at 09:13 AM
Beautifully written, as always. Happy 8th anniversary!!!
Posted by: MilliD | 03/29/2011 at 09:25 AM
COngrats on 8 years, he is a wonderful man & you are a really special woman!!! you guys make a wonderful couple and I don't even have to mention you make beautiful babies!
have a great anniversary! much love always!
tara
Posted by: tara pollard pakosta | 03/29/2011 at 09:34 AM
Congratulations to you and your hubby!
Posted by: courtney | 03/29/2011 at 09:55 AM
happy anniversary!!! you brought tears to my eyes with your post...because you reminded me that it really is all about love. love can get us through anything. thank you stephanie! lots of hugs to all of you.
Posted by: jackie | 03/29/2011 at 10:16 AM
beautiful. happy anniversary!
Posted by: sarah | 03/29/2011 at 10:29 AM
WOW! your writing is simply beautiful as is your love of family. I got the ole goose bumps reading this, you love jumps off of the screen! Happy 8th Anniversary to you and your man, hope it's the best ever!
Posted by: Kat Layton | 03/29/2011 at 10:35 AM
Great post! Our 9th anniversary is on Thursday! :D
Posted by: Kristy | 03/29/2011 at 10:45 AM
Happy anniversary, Stephanie and James. God bless and I wish you many many more.
Posted by: Beth Ann | 03/29/2011 at 10:52 AM
That brought tears to my eyes. Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: Laurie | 03/29/2011 at 11:09 AM
Happy Anniversary!!! :):):)
Posted by: Marla | 03/29/2011 at 11:14 AM
¡Feliz, feliz aniversario, Stephanie and Jimmy! Hope there'll be many more! X
Posted by: Mariana | 03/29/2011 at 11:20 AM
Happy Day to you both as you celebrate 8 yrs. The last picture is so beautiful it brings me to tears :-).
Posted by: Lisa | 03/29/2011 at 11:23 AM
This is beautiful.
Posted by: JoLynn | 03/29/2011 at 11:24 AM
Love this! Happy, happy anniversary!!!
Posted by: AnitaP | 03/29/2011 at 11:28 AM
Happy Anniversary. Your post made me cry. I wish you and J many many many many more beautiful years together!
Posted by: April C | 03/29/2011 at 11:35 AM
Happy Anniversary!!!!!
Posted by: Lissa | 03/29/2011 at 11:35 AM
You've got me all teary! Congratulations on eight years. I wish you many, many more wonderful, magical, amazing years together.
Posted by: Sarah | 03/29/2011 at 11:53 AM
This....
"you will have a baby without him there.
but it's not as scary as it sounds. and he will walk in two hours later and you will be okay."
is the one that REALLY got me. I truly can't imagine anything much more difficult than that. My eyes are flooded with tears, imagining that moment for you, and all the other military families that have to experience that.
You are a STRONG woman, mother, and wife. Happy Anniversary :)
Posted by: sarah savage | 03/29/2011 at 12:36 PM
Beautiful! Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: Carrielyn | 03/29/2011 at 12:50 PM
I'm sitting here with tears running down my face! Happy Anniversary! God has truly blessed you and your husband! Congrats on 8 years!
Posted by: Corey Brock | 03/29/2011 at 01:14 PM
beautiful! happy 8th!
Posted by: amy tangerine | 03/29/2011 at 01:21 PM
happy anniversary, you two! love those pictures of you...hope you have a special day together!
Posted by: Kimber-Leigh | 03/29/2011 at 01:47 PM
Happy Anniversary Stephanie and J!!!
Posted by: Maeghan M. | 03/29/2011 at 02:07 PM
{teary eyes and lump in throat} that was beautiful-Happy anniversary, and here's to many, many more blessing filled years!!
Posted by: Jennifer Henson | 03/29/2011 at 02:18 PM
Happy Anniversary! My husband and I are celebrating our third wedding anniversary today! In three years we have had 2 girls, lived in 4 houses and 2 different states!
Congratulations on 8 years- I hope you have a beautiful day celebrating!
Posted by: Justine | 03/29/2011 at 02:19 PM
What an incredibly beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your anniversary day, Stephanie. Congratulations to you and Jimmy!! :)
Carmen.
Posted by: northcarmen | 03/29/2011 at 02:44 PM
I'm reading your blog at work and you made me cry (& get a few strange looks). ;-) That was lovely. Happy 8th anniversary!
Posted by: diana | 03/29/2011 at 02:52 PM
CONGRATS on 8 years! BEAUTIFUL post--and yes you have a beautiful family too! :)
Posted by: Diana Waite | 03/29/2011 at 02:55 PM
Happy Anniversary!!
You made me teary-eyed!
Posted by: Michelle Tan | 03/29/2011 at 03:45 PM
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY STEPHANIE AND JIMMY!!!!!! sniff...you made me cry...someday...someday...I hope...I cling to the hope that I too, will find the love that exists between you and Jimmy - you Steph, YOU give me hope that I will find it...thank you!!
Posted by: Christine Campbell | 03/29/2011 at 03:46 PM
Happy Anniversary! You totally made me cry. Isn't it amazing the strength we find in ourselves, especially when we are truly, truly loved.
Posted by: ArlaMo | 03/29/2011 at 04:04 PM
Well, put me in the 'sitting here sniffling' group. That was beautiful. I hope you guys have 100 more, filled with just as much love and happiness.
Happy Anniverary.
Posted by: Tracy L. | 03/29/2011 at 04:13 PM
So beautiful Stephanie! Your words that you put out there are amazing. I can't imagine how much more amazing it all is in your head.
Posted by: Krista Nash | 03/29/2011 at 04:25 PM
Happy Anniversary!
that was so touching and heartfelt.
Thanks for sharing:)
Posted by: france | 03/29/2011 at 05:28 PM
Hands down one of the most beautiful blog posts I have ever read... Happy Anniversary to the two of you!
Posted by: Shannon Z | 03/29/2011 at 05:36 PM
Happy anniversary. Beautiful post - beautiful pictures - beautiful couple.
Posted by: Pat | 03/29/2011 at 06:10 PM
Happy Anniversary to you both - a wonderful couple.
Posted by: Linda J | 03/29/2011 at 06:43 PM
A Very Happy Anniversary to you and your hubs.... just think how many beautiful things you two have accomplished in just 8 years... and you have your whole lifetime to enjoy and inspire each other more... wow, what a great future you will have!
All the best!
Kim
Posted by: Kim FAucher | 03/29/2011 at 07:04 PM
Thank you for putting that out for all of us to read. What a beautiful sentiment and Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: Karen B | 03/29/2011 at 07:10 PM
happy anniversary, sweets. hope you have been enjoying your day. xoxo
Posted by: Karen Malloy | 03/29/2011 at 07:17 PM
Awwwww :)
Posted by: Jennifer Sanborn | 03/29/2011 at 07:20 PM
Is anyone else sniffling?
Happy Anniversary.
Posted by: Shereen | 03/29/2011 at 07:27 PM
What a beautiful tribute to your husband. Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: Linda E | 03/29/2011 at 07:58 PM
Happy Anniversary! Beautiful post.
Posted by: Valerie | 03/29/2011 at 08:05 PM
happy Anniversary!!!This is a beautiful blog. You are a very talented writer!!!!! Everything you wrote is so wonderfully said. may you have many many more years together!
Posted by: Jersey Girl Anne | 03/29/2011 at 08:11 PM
Have a wonderful anniversary and may God bless you with many, many more! Your blog made me tear up :) My H and I are getting ready for his first deployment and our second baby is due while he will be gone, it is so, so, so scary! I am encouraged by reading your blog and seeing how you have made it through so many deployments with your beautiful girls. Thank you for writing!
Posted by: Jen | 03/29/2011 at 08:35 PM
Happy Anniversary! tears sting my eyes. beautiful.
Posted by: SAMANTHA | 03/29/2011 at 08:36 PM
simply pure...thank you for honoring your husband...thank you for your heart...simply pure
Posted by: Sharon Osborn | 03/29/2011 at 08:45 PM
Beautiful, Congratulations!
Posted by: Julie Jacobs | 03/29/2011 at 08:59 PM
Happy Happy Anniversary!!! What a great way of putting your thoughts into words! Thanks so much for all you share with us :) love it!!!!
Posted by: Angiecmt | 03/29/2011 at 09:13 PM
Sigh. Love. Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: kristen | 03/29/2011 at 09:56 PM
That was beautifully written Steph, you have a way with words! Makes me so optomistic about finding MY mister "right" down the road. :)
Posted by: Lynnae | 03/29/2011 at 10:32 PM
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!! you weren't able to say those words to yourself from the past but you have spoken into my life in my present situation so thank you and God Bless.
Posted by: ScrappinA | 03/29/2011 at 10:39 PM
First, Happy Anniversary! I just recently found your blog, and I instantly felt comfortable here :) So you are now saved in my favorites :)
I used to write...used to, as in, before I was a wife and mom. I enjoy reading your writing and this post (well, what I could read through the tears!) has made me want to write again :) Thank you for that. I have been scrapping for years and over and over have heard people say to make sure to include the journaling....and I did, sometimes, a little.
Now, now I want to tell my story too :) Thank you for THAT.
I look forward to getting to "know" you better and I love seeing your work. I can only imagine how busy you are, so to spend your spare moments with "us" is appreciated! May the next eight years be better than the first eight!
Posted by: Angelica | 03/29/2011 at 11:12 PM
Happy Anniversary Howell's.
Now Steph has found a new job, it is a joint venture with Hallmark and Kleenex.
Thank you for sharing us your love Steph, this is why you have to be the coolest person I don't know.
Posted by: Linda | 03/29/2011 at 11:18 PM
WOW! I just had to comment since unfortunately I rarely ever do (SORRY!) Those were some amazing words! I love that you write from the heart on each and every blog post. Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby. You have a beautiful family!
Posted by: Isabel Shaw | 03/30/2011 at 12:51 AM
Oh my goodness, I don't tear up easily, but this one really got to me - it was beautifully written! Happy Anniversary! (Love that last photo too.) xx
Posted by: Amanda | 03/30/2011 at 01:15 AM
Happy Anniversary!! Your nourishing is always from the heart and such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: KATHY (kathyb) | 03/30/2011 at 01:43 AM
Steph - you have such a wonderful way with words - so honest and real and touching and beautifully written. I love your posts like this - thank you for sharing so much of your life with us! Happy Anniversary to you and J and thanks for making me teary!!!
Posted by: Patty W | 03/30/2011 at 02:07 AM
Woman, you are the post-est with the mostest. The bestest, even. :) Happy anniversary!
Posted by: Jill Sprott | 03/30/2011 at 02:40 AM
This is such a beautiful post. Happy anniversary!
Posted by: Geralyn | 03/30/2011 at 02:56 AM
this made me cry. madelyns looking at me like a psychopath. happy happy happy anniversary to the two of you!
Posted by: breanne | 03/30/2011 at 06:08 AM
Beautifully Said girlfriend! Happy Anniversary to you and J and many many more. I love you and your beautiful family!!!!!!
Hugs to all of you.
Posted by: Claudia | 03/30/2011 at 06:22 AM
Happy anniversary! It's amazing what you both have packed into eight years! Enjoy!
Posted by: Kathy Martin | 03/30/2011 at 06:53 AM
Happy Anniversary! Mine and my husbands was the 22nd- 8 yrs also!
What an amazing look into your love and life! Thank you for always being honest and willing to share your experiences.
Blessings to you and your family!
Posted by: Sarah Stegall | 03/30/2011 at 06:59 AM
Happy Anniversary!!! and many many many more my friend!
Posted by: Alissa | 03/30/2011 at 08:01 AM
So beautifully written. Happy Anniversary to both of you.
Posted by: Jo | 03/30/2011 at 08:25 AM
Happy Anniversary to you both! This was beautiful!!!!
Posted by: Lara | 03/30/2011 at 08:58 AM
Congratulations!Beautiful post!
Posted by: tam | 03/30/2011 at 10:03 AM
It's so beautifully written..Happy Anniversary to you both!
Posted by: Ririn | 03/30/2011 at 11:34 AM
Breathing deeply as I swipe the tears - this is so beautiful. You are a gifted writer to be able to relay everything so beautiful. Amazing. Happy Anniversary!
Posted by: Vickie Lee | 03/30/2011 at 11:36 AM
This is such a beautifully written post! So touching! Happy, happy Anniversary to you both! I wish you many, many more wonderful years!!
Posted by: Michelle | 03/30/2011 at 11:44 AM
happy, happy, happy anniversary! Another beautiful heartfelt post! You and J are so lucky to have found each other!
Posted by: Berta | 03/30/2011 at 02:30 PM