pretty pretty please

pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel

like you're less than

less than perfect

pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel

like you're nothing

you are perfect to me.

 

i was listening to this song on the way home from harper's school this morning and it made me think.

about how sometimes i feel overwhelmed with the ENORMITY of raising four little women.

blessed and burdened all at once.

scared, hopeful, like i'm feeling my way down a path in the dark. and the path is HUGE and surrounded by complicated, twisted terrain.

and there are lots and lots of offshoots on this path. many branches. and i want so badly to get to the right place.

but i have NO idea where i'm going, and my flashlight is only casting a TINY beam into the pitch-darkness.

that's how i feel some days.

i have so much i want to teach them.

raising women is scary. as is raising men. whole other set of responsibilites there. but i have no knowledge in that area, what i worry about is raising strong, confident, virtuous women.

i know they are only four,three, and four months old.

i know this.

but how do i NOT think about the days to come? i must. i must start praying,learning, and preparing now.

much like major howell is already worried about the dating days. even though i say it's the BOYS that should be worried *wink*.

much like he fears those days, i think about the days ahead. the complicated days where everyone is NOT nice. where everyone is NOT kind. where others use words like weapons, thoughtlessly, not realizing the power words have.

**because even though sticks+stones can break our bones, we know that words can CRUSH sometimes**

the days where they might feel tempted to place their worth on what boys think of them, what others think of them...

the days where a single nasty remark from someone they thought was their friend might break their heart and send them home dejected and weary.

the days they feel they have to BE a certain girl, DO certain things to fit in...

oh yes i think about those days. when i'm smelling cate and lucy's baby smell, or holding sadie's hand, or watching harper learn to read, i think.

my goal is to be a safe place for them.

j and i talk about this all.the.time.

we want to teach them to be confident, graceful, kind...to realize their worth and that they are WORTH more than some boy.worth more than the perception of others.

to trust in the Lord with all of their hearts and lean not on their own understanding.

i could go on and on. and i can't believe some days i've been given this enormous gift. this enormous responsibility.

so i keep walking, feeling my way, praying.

confident i will get there, even though some days i make many wrong turns, some days i slip-up.

but my goal remains the same...to love them, protect them, teach them, catch them when they fall.

we'll get there.

xo

s

Comments

[Danna]

I feel the exact same way! My hubby & I have 3 girls and we often have this exact conversation. Praying praying praying :)

[Annie]

You will get there, no doubt! Your girls have some very amazing parents to lead them down the path God has chosen for them. You instill wonder, grace and love in their worlds. Just awesome to see! We all slip for we are only human. Thankfully God catches us and makes everything ok in His perfect time.

Keep up the great and amazing work remembering to lean on Him in your doubt and your wonder. God bless!

[dani rousseau]

Oh wow...I'm right there with you! My little one just turned 7 months...I'm freaking out..It's just her and I, her daddy isn't around much so am I able to teach her what she would learn from mom and dad? I've got it all on MY shoulders...who she is and will be is because of me. Am I gonna get it right...

only time will tell!

http://danirousseau.blogspot.com/

[Bea Monforte]

I think you have your own answers. The most important is to teach them to be themselves however they sare, and being loving, suporting and truly (I don't know how express it in english, being authentic) with them. I think you do all of this things. When some one tries to do something as much as you are doing with your girls, it's impossible not doing it. But all of we get wrong sometimes, and I thing all parents do, and it's important not blame yourself then, but see the mistake and go on again.
I wish you all the best!

[Laura]

Beautiful post, Stephanie. I have my own little woman to raise -- she says she is "six and a half and three quarters" (which actually means almost 7.) And I am consciously working to build pathways of communication and trust that I pray will remain open through the years to come. I am arming her with information whenever possible -- had a conversation with her in the grocery store yesterday when she asked about the coolers of beer and other alcoholic drinks. Here she is riding in a plastic car-cart and I'm telling her that alcohol is for grown-ups and could be harmful to health of children. She already hates cigarettes, so we're doing good. :-)

[Tricia Wilson]

I am here now with my "tween". She is such a good girl and makes smart choices in friends, etc... Even still it scared the bejeezus outta me! The fact that your heart so strongly wants to do right by your girls is proof enough you will be the safe place you desire to be. You are securing that place in their hearts every day that you remind them how very much they are loved and accepted for who they are; precious little gifts from God.

[Ruth]

I think that you're already on the right path, without doubt. You inspire me no end and I have only the one, and a boy at that! He's about the right age for little Miss S., if she'd like to date a British guy in about 20 years time?

[Jenni Hufford]

i feel as if you have written the hopes (and fears) that are in my own heart for my kids. teaching them to find their worth and identity in God has become so important me lately.

[Susanne]

how sweet and true. i only have one little woman to raise--i can't imagine how you must feel!
(on a side note...because i am so not tech savvy...how do you get instagram pictures on your blog? i downloaded the app--maybe i'm doing something wrong?)

[Stephanie Howell]

i upload them off of my phone into iphoto and then resize them for my blog. xo

[Lisa]

I could have written this post 14 years ago. Or yesterday. I made a decision to raise my daughter to be out-spoken. To say what she thinks. And she does. She is 14 and we are entering the trecherous zone of boys. She just broke up with her "boyfriend" (the text and FB and that's all) because he called her a not-so-nice name and had a short temper. She felt she deserved better than that!! And that right there is exactly why I let her be mouthy and sassy most days. So she would learn to stand up for herself.

That and I hug her and tell her I love about 500 times a day. Because I do and because if I do it enough, she will know it. Deep, deep down.

Just keep doing what you are doing. You are on the right track! It's hard but you won't fail.

[Tiffany]

You are not alone sweet friend. I think about my sweet Madi all the time. She, with her big heart that loves so big and cries so easily. I find myself fearful on how to help her when people utter a mean word.

Sometimes, if I can be honest, I find myself getting a little angry at the thought that someone would even dare try to hurt my little girl's feelings. I know that it will happen sometimes, and I cant protect her from everything, but I just want her so badly to know how much the Lord loves her. And how much she is perfect in every way. That God did not make a mistake in the way He designed her.

Great post Stephanie.

[Laura Fiore]

Such a great post...I'm forwarding this to my daughter, just to remind her that I think she's perfect and loved and amazing!

You said it all so well!!!

[melanie bauer]

[1] that first photo should be framed super big somewhere in your house. so cute!

[2] i have those same worries. and it makes me sick to my stomach.

[Sarah Martina]

Omgosh, I can totally relate! :) In fact I created a LO of my kiddies using that song as inspiration. I was driving home one day after dropping them off to school and just about lost it as I truly paid attention to the words of that song. Sometimes just think, "Lord, what have I done? How will I ever give these kids ALL that they deserve in life???" (Not referring to "things", but more so all the lessons of life). I can totally fall into the inadequate feeling, and I just have to say, "Lord, I know you won't ever abandon my kids, so that means that you won't abandon me either... After all, I'm their Momma."
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us today... Beautifully conveyed. Hugs!

[Krista Nash]

I feel your "pain" Stephanie. I have two girls very close to Harper and Sadie's ages and I am terrified of the exact same things. You remind me to change perspective and look at it as a responsibility I have been blessed with. Thank you! I truly believe that your scrapbooking will assist you with a lot of the struggles you anticipate. From such an early age, they will be looking at your pages, feeling your love, knowing their worth, knowing your fears. I am hopeful that my scrapbooking will assist me with this as well. My only real want is for my girls to be able to tell me anything. Even if they think it's something I don't want to hear. If I am in the know, I can help to guide. I wish there was a way to guarantee this but I know it's a child's worst fear to disappoint a parent which could lead to secret keeping. {Sigh} If you figure it out, let me know. :) In the meantime, I hope you'll continue to post things like this and I hope your blog survives for the next 18 years until all of our girls are legal aged. Not that the parenting stops there. Sorry so long!

[Melissa]

With thoughts like these it sounds like you are well on your way to raising the women you want them to be. Also, letting Harper do her video series lets her know how important she is to you. Love that.

[Pidgen]

I wasn't expecting to cry ... till that last "we'll get there". Then I lost it.
Reminds me of my mother who raised {i belive} three strong, upright women. She always was thinking 5-10 years ahead. "How will this affect the girls 5 years from now?" Or, "This may be cute at 5 but not at 15!" {Then she's nip that in the bud.} I think so many mothers are only looking at the here and now ... and they forget that we are trying to get Somewhere. Learning to lean on the Lord is something that must be prayerfully sought and we must look ahead while working in the present.
Amazing post.

[Marti Richards]

Thank you for your beautiful post! I can tell you that I have the same thoughts about my girl and pretty similar ones about my boy.
"but my goal remains the same...to love them, protect them, teach them, catch them when they fall." Ditto! :)

[Debbie Miller]

I brought mine up to believe - they had the right to their own opinions - they didn't have to follow the crowd - they didn't have to do what others wanted them to do to be important - they didn't have to look liked everyone else - they were loved and cherished just as they were. It wasn't always easy, and we had our share of tears and outbursts, but I couldn't be prouder of the persons they grew up to be. The payoff is that I can honestly say my children are now also my adult-to-adult friends.

[Angie F]

I can totally relate. I have 2 girlies...9 and 5 already and it's all I can think about some days...how to protect them and guide them along the way. WOW!! :)

[celeste]

beautifully said. What you want for your girls is what makes you a wonderful mother.

[jennifer mcguire]

I think the fact that you and j think about it and talk about it means you are on the right path. you are being the parents god wants you to be.
i remember when colin was a baby, we saw a commercial saying, "what do you wish your baby would be when he grows up?" (meaning engineer, doctor, etc.) ken immediately answered "happy" and at the same time i said "a good husband."
that is what i worry and want for my son - that he is a good husband someday. if he is a good husband that means he is respectful, loving, funny, supportive - all the things a good man should be.
so mom's of boys worry too. and pray hard.
and as a mom of a boy i am so thankful to hear there is a mom of a girl out there praying for the same. now i just need to pray that they meet in fall in love.
:)
you are a good momma!

[Stephanie Howell]

i think of this all the time, jen. thats what i meant by mamas of boys have a whole different set of responsibilities. to raise good, strong, reliable, brave, Godly MEN. i think sadie mcguire sounds the cutest. :) xo

[Linda]

Beautiful post. Thank you!

[Stacey]

Hi Stephanie! Don't worry! You are a great mom. I have three girls (7, 11 and 13) and it's not bad at all. My girls are taught to be respectful to adults and boys and girls as well. They don't talk back and get good grades and wonderful compliments from their teachers. Our only problem is our 13 yr. old begging for a cell phone all the time! And we aren't worried about boys, more about girls. They boys are very sweet but the girls can be mean. And seeing the way girls act (I volunteer at school most every day), I would be much more worried about having a son date than a daughter. It's the driving that worries us!
But your girls are very lucky to have such a wonderful mom! And they will make wonderful wives some day as they will learn how to treat men kindly after the wonderful role model that you are. Keep up the great work. You're an inspiration to all of us who read your blog.

[Tiffany F.]

WOW- that first picture of them all together is so beautiful! Are your twins identical? You are an amazing mom and you are the kind of mom I aspire to be one day!!

[Laurie]

what a lovely post and oh so true when it comes to raising girls, I have two boys, 14 and 3 and one girl,11, she is my entire world, my clone, and yet she is the hardest of the three because with girls there is so much DRAMA! You are right, some days she'll come home in tears because her best friend wouldn't talk to her or said her outfit was ugly, with boys that kind of stuff doesn't happen there's no judging, they just accept each other. Why do women and girls do this, don't know, but as mother's our job is to give our daughters the confidence to get past it, it's a tough job that I wouldn't trade for the world.

[Michelle Unruh]

I completely understand!! I have two girls, 23 and 13. Then I have my little boy, age 4. My girls are good. But, that self worth thing is hard when there are mean girls. It has been different things with each of the girls. The older one definitely more stubborn and defiant. Still, she was pretty good. She has always been more outgoing, and always has had a bunch of friends. She is out on her own, living on campus. But, I still worry. My middle, she is complete different from her sister. Quiet, shy, doesn't make friends as easily. I feel bad for her. She is the sweetest. She is an A student. Starting the teen attitude stuff alittle.. rolling her eyes, bucking the chores, minor stuff. But, she is so so shy! I do love that she does what she thinks is best. She has a heart of gold and is always doing for others. So respectful and kind. My little boy, he is wonderful. A whirling dervish, full of energy. But, a good boy. I love that he is gentle. Not a brute or bully. He is sweet. I just want my kids to be respectful of others. Kind. Loving. Be self sufficient, able to take care of themselves. Responsible. Confident. And like you said know their self worth. I only hope I do a much better job than my parents did with me. They spent more time tearing me down. That is so hard to build up as an adult!! This... this is what I love about your blog. I love the straight forward, honest way you look at things. You have been a great inspiration to me.

[Erin R.]

I'm always hesitant to recommend books that I haven't yet finished, but I will anyway as so far they are great. One is "The Mommy Manual" by Barbara Curtis and the other is "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. They wont speak to all of those concerns (which I also have for my children), but they do address some. It is such a scary world to send our children into.

(ps, if you don't read these, I won't be the least bit offended. I'm just really enjoying them and thought that you might too. I'm totally not a "do things my way or you're a bad parent" type of person.)

[Jen Thompson]

AS a single mother of a 5 year old girl I think about those exact same things. The older she gets (and especially now she has started kindy) I think about it more often.
I also feel though at the end of the day, as long as she knows I am her safe place to come to every.single.day to talk about ANYTHING, I feel a little tiny bit of comfort in that.

[Megan]

Amen.

[Linda E]

Hi Stephanie! I'm going to pass on words of wisdom that my older sister passed on to me. Yes, all those things seem so scary when your children are babies but you work up to them. And all the experiences in between make some of those things not so scary. Last year, the thought of my son having friends who could drive scared the Heck out of me. Now, I feel that he is safer with these older boys than with some of the kids his own age who have made some poor choices. All you can do is what you are doing, love them and teach them to do the right thing. And yes, the words hurt the most. As the mother of a 15 year-old boy and a 13 year-old girl, I can tell you that the scars left by mean words last so much longer than those left by a punch. Thankfully, my DD comes home from school every day and always tells me about her day. Just keep loving on them and they will know that you are their safe place. P.S. Love the last picture. The Little's outfits remind me of Dear Lizzy paper!

[Corrie]

Hi Stephanie, this is my first time to post a comment. :) I have loved your blog for about a year now and this post just made my heart burst! I am the middle of five children. Four girls and one boy. We are all now grown and out of the house, some have children of their own. My Mom has been giving this book to each of us as we have children. It is called "A Mother's Heart" by Jean Fleming. She read is as she nursed us as babies, and it had a tremendous impact on how she lived her life for Christ in front of us kids. It has such a wonderful message and practical ideas about bringing Christ and the principles He taught into everyday life with your child. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone wanting to raise their children to be Christlike. Thank you for your continued openness and honesty in the raising of your girls. It is so encouraging!

[Stephanie Howell]

Thank you SO much for the recommendation, corrie! Thanks for commenting, its wonderful to meet you!!!! xoxo

[Linda]

I read a book once about the power of prayer. Having God in your heart and trusting his big plan is similar to driving down a road at night. You can only see a little bit in front of you but you keep driving because you know the road is there.
You line about only having a small flashlight reminded me of that.
A child needs to be loved and everything else falls into place. Think how amazing they are right now and multiply that by all the love in your heart for them.
Look how wonderful Harper is at 4 and how Lucy and Cate are only 4 months, Harper was their age once too. It was with your love and guidance that she is who she is today.

[MK Hennigan]

Show your girls your strength and your weaknesses. Let them see you cry, love, laugh and that you have fears too. My girls are 10 and 13, I hope that I have showed them who I really am through how I have lived my life in front of them. I am authentic-the good, the bad and the ugly. I share with them my honest feelings, I say please and thank you and I love you. I cry, scream and yell-it is who I am and that is what I want my girls to see, me, all of me.

[Ellie A.]

Yeah I'm weepy over here. I hear ever word you say. I feel it to my core.. For me just 5 1/2 years ago I was a totally different person a mama who would be up at the crack of dawn to get my boys ready for the sitter and off for more then 10 hrs. of work a day come home just in time to bath and tuck them in as the sitter would have dinner w/my boys & hubby. Then we were expecting our Anjelique then it happened that I had to stop working while expecting w/her all in all I thought once I had her I would go back to work after my time w/her but our Lord had other plans and she returned to our him only 2 1/2 mths after blessing us -Passing from SIDS. Soon after we found out we were expecting again, I though of how could I have another life when I was mourning my Pretty Girl but I see now that its all in God's hands. Because of my girls I opened myself to truly allow our Lord's love to enter (oh goodness sounding like a preacher here ha) but seriously I never in my life felt so much love. It made me cherish my moments w/my amazing boys and most wonderful husband and into our lives as we welcomed Gabrielle. She has shown me how to smile and laugh along w/her brothers. I cherish every moment sure I sometimes think oh I am gonna lose my mind and am afraid as maybe I'll want to shelter my babies a little more but then I remember and just breathe and all I know is that I promise to love them and share with them and hope they will remember these very fast moving years as I do.. That no matter what its full of Love from us & our Lord. ((HUGS)) darling you are an amazing woman/mother & I know your girls will follow their mama's foot steps.

[Julie Williams]

Stephanie, I truly love reading your blog and seeing pics of the girls!!! And, you and J will do a fine job of raising your girls because they have wonderful role models in their parents. All of the things you want to instill in them, you and your husband already possess. Try not to worry too much, life is too short. Enjoy the journey!!!

[Ellie Abney]

Stephanie,

This post came at the perfect time! I'm pregnant with my first and have been worried lately about all the things I can't control. What a blessing to read this post and remember that I need to trust God with my little boy. Thank you!

Ellie

[sasha farina]

you're doing fine! they're so lucky to have you and J! *hugs*

[brooke]

this is beautiful.
love you so.
xx.

[Susan Beth]

Your flash light reminds me of this: Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. If you can turn to the Word as you go along the path you may hit bumps in the road, but you will be fine! It is always a mom's concern to do the best, and you are blessed to have 4 to bless with your best.

[kate]

you just read a mothers heart out loud for all of us... thank you...

[jenn]

Stephanie - these words...this post, could not have come at a better time in my life. thank you girl..thank you for being the inspiration i don't think you realize you are. thank you. thank you.....

[pattyanctil]

I have a 5 year old boy and I tell you, I feel the exact same way. Hubs and I talk about how we should raise him 'right'. How we can teach him to be confident and use his words to share feeling and acknowledge others feelings. How we want him to have a part in changing the world and not just lip service but volunteer do what you can, let the world know where you stand. Love your family because they are your greatest cheerleaders and will love you unconditionally.
And the sad part is long overdue, the part where we have to talk about strangers and bad people and telling if someone does something to you. I have put it off, along with DH, I try to start but just can't bring myself to tell him about the bad things in this world because he has been so lucky to have been surrounded by an amazing group of people. BLEH, I just unloaded all my worries (well my biggest worry) onto your blog. Thank you for this post, it actually made me feel better, braver, tomorrow will be the day for the talk I have dreaded because he is so analytical, there will be many follow up questions for many many days and weeks after we talk to him and I'm just not ready for him to know there is bad in the world. *sigh*
By the way, the fact that you are thinking about how to raise your girls and be a great mommy to them alone shows that you ARE a good mom. It's the people who don't think at all that I worry about.

[Amy K]

What a profound post Stephanie; beautifully stated! Your girls are blessed to have such a wonderful mommy & daddy, and because of your influence, will grow up to be amazing women.

[Claudia]

You WILL get there darling Stephanie! I know you will, so just stay on the path and all will be well. By the way, I love love the pictures. Please don't stop sending them. Love and Hugs to the whole family!

[Asha]

I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the responsibility that I have chosen to have children. Am I qualified? Will I do a good enough job? Then I remember what a popular daytime Dr. says all the time: kids need a safe place to fall. I can't control what happens to them in school and the outside world, but I can make sure their home is full of love, acceptance and guidance. That's all we can do so don't stress about what you can't control. I have remind myself of this everyday.

[Kim]

Stephanie:
My girls are 8 and nearly 11. It gets easier and harder. My 11 year old has thought she was a teenager/adult since she was about 2. It's hard. But on the other hand, the easiest thing to do is to let go a bit. I work hard at trying to trust my girls to spread their wings. It is so so hard, especially when they make choices I don't want them to make. Especially when I'm having to tell to them they did the wrong thing. I realize so much that I'm just walking beside them on the path of life, not really leading them. That old expression - you hold your child's hand for a little while, you hold their heart forever - so true. So scary and so liberating at the same time. They have to learn just like we all did, which unfortunately includes some mistakes and dumb choices along the way. You are there to tell them they did the wrong thing, cheer them when they did the right thing and always hug them and love them no matter what. Good luck with your four. These are things I think about on the good days. On the bad days, I hang on for dear life and hope the roller coaster starts going up again soon. Best to you.

[Linda Vandenberg]

Parenthood is a tough road. We all do
the best we can. It's God who gives us
the strength to carry on. From that 1st
min. of life they are His. Pray for their
Godly spouses NOW and everyday! You do have
a great responsibility but God chose you.
Enjoy the journey......Blessings on your day!

[Berta]

Just knowing what you know and thinking about what lies ahead, you are already most of the way to raising 4 confident, kind and wonderful girls!

[vanessa]

I think every mom feels like this
I know I do!
and I know when Pink comes on in our car
my boys & I scream it nice & loud
and it sound perfect to me!
I try to tell them everyday
how perfect they are...thanks for reminding me today!

[Maria]

This post came at just the right time. I have all those same feelings and then some. You're on the right track to raising amazing women. I hope I can do just as well with my 15 year old baby girl!

[Sarah H.]

My two friends and I were just talking about this the other day - how the enormity of parenting gets to us sometimes. One thing I do is pray that God surrounds them with friends and people who love Him and will encourage my children to do the same. My husband always tells me that if I wasn't a good mom I wouldn't worry as much as I do! That makes me feel better!

[Stephanie Howell]

oh ellie, im so very sorry for your loss. thank you so much for your comment...this was beautiful to read. xo

[Shanon Gibson]

I am feeling the same way! My girls are only 4 and 3 but I worry about how things will affect them and wish I could keep them safe from everything. I know that they will be teased and heartbroken but I hope they learn to be strong and independent and not base their own worth on others opinions.

[C. Rayevich]

you said it perfectly Steph.
I just have one little lady but I worry about these things as well.
xo