this marks the beginning of a journey that is for ME.
that's right. just for me. yes, in the end it will benefit my girls and j, it will make me healthier,happier,more *me*.
but right now? i'm doing this for myself.
i'm tired of making unhealthy choices. i'm tired of eating unhealthy food constantly, or not eating at all b/c i don't have time to think of it.
i'm tired of having to wear my maternity jeans.
i'm tired of being TIRED.
i'm ready to do something for me. to feel good about myself again.
no more sloppy clothes and hair in a bun every day.
i will *never* be that girl who is flawlessly dressed every day, with perfect makeup. that's just not me.
but i refuse to let myself feel bad about myself because i have four kiddos to take care of.
i'm not using that excuse anymore.
i'm not using the excuse that it's okay to eat whatever i want, no matter how unhealthy b/c i just had twins and no one will judge me.
i am judging me. i need to start being SMART about food. i deserve better than the way i've been taking care of myself.
i treat my children with so much care and love, as if they are precious gifts. why don't i treat myself the same way?
almost 2 weeks ago i made the first step and committed to healthy choices.
it's not about a number on the scale. it's not about the size on my tags. it's about feeling HAPPY. about feeling HEALTHY.
instead of eating fast food regularly or sneaking bites of whatever i feed the kids instead of making myself food,
i'm thinking about my choices.
i deserve just as much as the ones i take care of do. i can do this, by gosh!
it's okay to spend time making MYSELF better. i resolve to do this and to show my girls how to do this.
have a beautiful wednesday! xxo
Hear, hear! Let me know if you need any ideas! I've been eating "clean" since November 2009, and I couldn't feel better about what I'm doing. Congrats for taking this step!
Posted by: Ally | 05/04/2011 at 07:58 AM
Amen sister! I am back on my journey to healthy too. I fell off the wagon but got back on this week. Good luck! You can do it! Xoxo
Posted by: Karen | 05/04/2011 at 07:58 AM
GO GIRL GO!!!
I came to a similar decision a little while ago and I'm trying to stick to it.
Only you can look after you properly.
We only get one shot at the body we've got and if we want to live the amazing, involved, FULL life we want, then we have to look after the machine that runs us!!
Congratulations on making a brave and SMART decision (not the easy, simple one!).
Good luck on your journey, I (as well as all your other readers I'm sure), look forward to being here with you along the road to success!!
Posted by: Linda Trace | 05/04/2011 at 08:01 AM
Good for you! You will be surprised how quickly the girls start picking up on your healthier choices-i started running in Nov and now our 3 year old demands to go running with me :)
Posted by: Kristyn G | 05/04/2011 at 08:06 AM
Awesome!! So glad for you. I just started my "Healthy Lifestyle" eating plan a month ago and feel so great. It has even helped my 2 little boys to eat better and try new things, too. =) Congrats!
Posted by: lyndsay | 05/04/2011 at 08:06 AM
May the Lord bless you in your resolution!! :)
Posted by: Natalie (QSOgirl) | 05/04/2011 at 08:08 AM
You go girl!
Posted by: Sherried | 05/04/2011 at 08:12 AM
By the way, forgot to say, great photo of you in the top right pic. Love the white blouse and pencil skirt. Beautiful!
Posted by: lyndsay | 05/04/2011 at 08:22 AM
I'm with you! :)
Posted by: Mary Jo | 05/04/2011 at 08:28 AM
Woo Hoo! So happy to hear from people that share my opinions ;)
I've also recently made this choice. And, because I've made this choice, my husband and stepson are eating healthy too. Of course this is only because I'm the cook in the family and refuse to make more than one meal :) But, I must say, they are taking the healthy meals very well, which included incorporated some vegetarians meals, gasp! My stepson has done especially well. Because I don't give him a choice of another meal (granted a make sure there is something on the table I know he will eat) he actually is more open to trying new things. I'm very proud to say that he will now eat salads, tomatoes, and last night he only pushed half the broccoli aside on his plate. I’m so proud him, especially when I see the eating habits of friends, and how picky some of them can be (he’s in 6th grade btw). So, I guess I just took the long way to say, good for you! Even though you're making these choices for yourself (as you should) it's going to have a very positive impact on your family. Good Luck and stay strong.
Posted by: Chandra | 05/04/2011 at 08:37 AM
Wow! Good for you! Interesting that I'm currently committing to me I have no young children-but everybody and everything always comes first. Very hard work-although I'm clueless as to why! But if Steph with 4 kiddos and a husband about to deploy can do it, that should be good motivation! Thanks a ton for this post!
Posted by: Jill | 05/04/2011 at 08:38 AM
I'm right there with you! I decided to take control of my self again as well and get me back, as I am the only one who can. Walking every day and eating less and only healthy things. I have a very long road ahead to get to where I want to be, not a number but just what you said, how I will feel when I get there. So here is looking at less of you in the very near future!
Posted by: Kat Layton | 05/04/2011 at 08:41 AM
Please tell us what those yummy meals were!!! They look Delish!!
I am too on a path to being healthier... Wishing you all the best!!
Chantel
Posted by: chantel grismer | 05/04/2011 at 09:14 AM
YOU GO GIRL!!! and YES you can do this!!! you are such an inspiration!! :) would love to hear some of your favorite low point meals/snacks sometime!! Everything looks delish in those pics!!
Posted by: Jenni Hufford | 05/04/2011 at 09:15 AM
sure chantel!
left to right, top to bottom:
grilled pork tenderloin on spinach with brown rice,
whole wheat toast with hard boiled egg whites, fat free cheese, black beans,tomato, and canadian bacon+strawberries,
grilled salmon salad with every veggie you can think of, almonds,and melba toast,
and grilled salmon with tomatoes and green beans!
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 05/04/2011 at 09:17 AM
Thank you for another post that makes me want to shout BRAVO as I read along! This might just be the push that I need to get started myself...if someone who has so much more on her plate... figuratively only, now :) ...can do this, so can I. Best wishes.
Posted by: Wendy M | 05/04/2011 at 09:20 AM
As my BFF and I always say "DO IT DO IT DO IT"! I have also been feeling low about myself...time to slap that monster in the face and get on the running wagon again and throw all the garbage out of my cupboards!
Thanks for the inspiration!
Posted by: Amy | 05/04/2011 at 09:26 AM
youre good enough, youre smart enough, and doggone it people like you ;). Cant wait to hear more.
Posted by: jamie long | 05/04/2011 at 09:28 AM
Love it! You are so worth it!! :)
Posted by: Jennifer | 05/04/2011 at 09:29 AM
Good for you Stephanie!!! You are worth it for sure - for you, the girls, and for J.
I so need to copy part of your post and read it every day!!!
have a great day :)
Posted by: Angie May | 05/04/2011 at 09:36 AM
you go girl! I am doing this too! I started a couple of months ago with running -for me! I also have a thought, which I havent done myself yet, to help keep focus. I plan to make an inspiration jar (or can or whatever) to put next to my bed, so I can pick an inspiration from it if I need help getting out of bed in the morning to run. I will put little slips of paper saying 'no more wearing frumpy clothes' or whatever. just a thought.
you can do this! and do it for you!
Posted by: Megan A | 05/04/2011 at 09:49 AM
Thanks for the motivation. I get caught up in taking care of my mom and I forget about taking care of me. You're such an inspiration and a fabulous role moel for the girls.
Posted by: April | 05/04/2011 at 09:51 AM
That is the perfect attitude! Good job and keep it up!! :-)
Posted by: Annie | 05/04/2011 at 09:52 AM
Good for you! I am in the same place and just started WW. I am so frustrated at not being able to wear all the clothes I once did & frustrated feeling so bad about myself all the time because I know I am better than that. I hope I can do it. I have fallen into some bad habits & didn't realize how difficult it is to change them! I wish you the best in your own journey!
Posted by: Jessica R. | 05/04/2011 at 09:56 AM
you already look great, but it is a very wise choice to eat healthy as it will benefit the insides as well as the outside!!! I joined ww on feb 14th and so far lost 17lbs, but I have 24 to go, although I will stop worrying about it and just exercise and eat healthy, because that's all it comes down to anyway!
yay for taking care of YOU!!!
we should share recipes!
tara
Posted by: tara pakosta | 05/04/2011 at 09:57 AM
thanks, tara. i really appreciate it. i have a funny body type. i carry weight in certain places, but very spread out and im able to hide it with clothing easily. in reality, im about three dress sizes bigger than i should be and my BMI is WAY WAY higher than it should be.
body types are so funny arent they?
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 05/04/2011 at 10:00 AM
Good for you! You can totally do it and will feel so good! This is the year I made the change to just eating good stuff. Amazing difference. Also, you might like the book "Made to Crave". Super good inspiration for making good choices. Goodness, could I say goodness any more in this comment? Just wanted to give you some encouragement :)
Posted by: glorygirl | 05/04/2011 at 10:07 AM
Good for you!!!! 3 months ago I made the same decision and I am the healthiest I have ever been. It feels good. You can do it. Keep at it! There are a whole slew of us moms who are in the same boat and are ready to take charge of our health. Our men and little ones depend on it. Xoxo!
Posted by: Tiffany | 05/04/2011 at 10:09 AM
Go Steph, go Steph!! It's amazing how just changing a few food choices impacts your life...not just those numbers but how you feel! As women we are so hard on ourselves about our weight, hair, makeup, attitude and lifestyle. We should celebrate each other, encourage each other and accept ourselves and each other. I am with you on this journey...know we are all with you on this journey.
Posted by: Holly S | 05/04/2011 at 10:16 AM
Good for you Stephanie. At the start of Lent I gave up soda (again) and made a promise to myself that I would not then turn to sugary goodies to replace the loss of the soda like I have in years past. Sounded like a good opportunity for a lifestyle change because diets just don't work permanently. My husband turned me on to an iPhone ap called My Fitness Pal. A free calorie counter, food diary, and exercise tracker. It's really helped me become more concientious and thoughtful about what I put in my body. The ap makes you put in some goals about weight loss and commitments to exercise. I too am like you and didn't really have a number or size in mind, but wouldn't you know I dropped 8 lbs and feel like I look better. Best of luck to you. Don't forget to allow yourself permission from time to time to indulge.
Posted by: Krista Nash | 05/04/2011 at 10:17 AM
good for you! having a positive attitude towards it is everything. I too (re)committed myself to eating healthy and exercising for many of the same reasons, and with the same attitude you have about it. My family is well taken care of, but mommy...well, sometimes I feel like I treat myself like an after thought. No more...I am right with you! Keep up the good work.
and those meals do look delicous...got to grab some Salmon this week at the store.
Posted by: Tracy | 05/04/2011 at 10:22 AM
Well you sure do look fabulous to me! But I know how you feel because everyone told me the same thing when I KNOW I need(ed) to lose 40lbs!!! I carry it all in my thighs and stomach, so it's hidden as well. BUT, that being said, I feel great since I lost what I have lost so far and my BMI is back to being healthy! I am still 2 sizes bigger than I want to be though! so I know exactly how you feel. It's just taken me 10 years to do something about it!!! glad you are doing it now while your littles are still little and you will have more energy for them!!! so proud of you! it's a very hard thing to do,esp. with babies!!! hugs! tara
Posted by: tara pakosta | 05/04/2011 at 10:38 AM
Amen. I am doing the same. I joined WW almost a week ago and have completely given up my daily fountain Pepsis. The first couple of days were brutal, but a few days later and I already have more energy. It was way past time that I started taking care of myself. I was hanging onto 10 lbs and not doing anything about it. My son will be 2 in 2 months and it will be gone by then! Good luck!
Posted by: courtney | 05/04/2011 at 11:24 AM
You most certainly do deserve it! Bravo, Stephanie! I made a very similar commitment starting January 1 of this year, and have actually upheld it. I've become much more active, working out every day and practice MINDFUL eating instead of eating whatever (usually unhealthy) food that I want. Really thinking about what I'm putting into my body and how/how much I'm moving and strengthening it has been life-changing for me. I feel so much better and have much more energy every day. Good luck on your journey!
Posted by: Heather V | 05/04/2011 at 11:32 AM
hi Stephanie. No matter what you are wearing, if you have make up on or not, i have always thought you are one of the most beautiful women. classic. I am sincere in my sayings. though the healthy thing is a good thing for anyone, so good for you.
Posted by: Christy Marcelino | 05/04/2011 at 11:47 AM
Wow. Thank you so much for your kind words, christy. Really. Xxo
Sent from my iPhone
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 05/04/2011 at 11:50 AM
Good for you Stephanie! I'm feeling the same way. My hubby is deployed and I'm 7 months preggo and eating convenient stuff that I don't have to cook. Not good. I'm excited to get healthy and finally get my body back to where it belongs. As soon as I have this baby, it's going to be good, healthy, fresh, REAL food. You're so right in that you deserve just as much as you give your daughters. I keep reminding myself that I'm my daughter's role model (soon to be two daughters' role model). If I don't want them eating bad food, why is it ok for me to eat it? Great post and good luck with your journey!
Posted by: Sarah Swann | 05/04/2011 at 12:05 PM
Where's the GIANT LIKE button? very proud of you :)
Posted by: katie squires | 05/04/2011 at 12:22 PM
i just skipped over the chocolate chip cookie and diet coke and sat down to read blogs with an apple and tall glass of water... so thanks for the encouraging post stephanie!
as moms...we would NEVER let our kids crack a diet coke with a cookie midmorning...so why do we?
your pics look delish... i hope you will share some healthy ideas as you move along this journey...
Posted by: kate | 05/04/2011 at 01:40 PM
Go you! I'm on this wagon, too, and hope to set a good example for my 2 boys! It's too easy to forget ourselves in the midst of caring for the little ones. But as my husband keeps reminding me, if I take care of myself I am in a better place to take care of them! Do it for yourself and everyone benefits :) OH, and definitely forget the "numbers game" and rely on how you FEEL.
Posted by: MelissaS | 05/04/2011 at 01:57 PM
You go girl!!! YOU CAN DO IT!
Posted by: Alissa | 05/04/2011 at 02:20 PM
Ha...as I just finished off my bag of Doritos...I'm jumping on board with you!
Posted by: dani rousseau | 05/04/2011 at 02:24 PM
It's great that you're taking this step! Best of luck! You're being a fabulous role model for your girls. :)
Posted by: Melissa | 05/04/2011 at 02:25 PM
Hey Stephanie I am here to support you. Yes, weight loss
is about you and only you. You need to do this for you and not anyone else. Please to give yourself a bit of a break as you have 4 kids and just had twins! Healthy ones at that. I am here to support you. Having people support and help you be accountable is a great way to start too. I too know how you feel. Through 2 terrible pregancies and financial,husband job lose,moving all over the country side with no friends,house forclosure etc. I have stressed eaten my way to a size I never thought I would be. I have also be plagued by severe arthrithis sp in both knees to the point I had knee replacement for lft knee in Jan and 2 weeks ago in right knee. It's going to be a long journey. I have to get weight off for health reasons but also to keep these new knee replacements for the next 20 years! I am going to start this journey with you as I want to look in that mirror and love what I see...Praying and with God's help we can do this...Blessings on your day...Linda
Posted by: Linda Vandenberg | 05/04/2011 at 02:53 PM
Stephanie and everyone please forgive my typing and grammatical errors...I am on pain meds...My laptop and blog and Netflix has kept me somewhat sane...Blessings Linda
Posted by: Linda Vandenberg | 05/04/2011 at 02:56 PM
OMG!!!! I LOVED reading your post today!!! it actually made me cry because, i am a mother of two, a two year old and a 3 month old, and just today i said to myself, i'm tired of being TIRED... and i wish i had the energy to get up and get HEALTHIER.. i mean, i was eating lunch in my car today after work, and my extra belly fat (which i have named, TUBBY) kept catching my food.. so either i am a sloppy eater OR... my belly is just getting in the way... and that is just unacceptible because i had to walk around with pasta sauce stains on my belly the rest of the day.. and i too wear my hair in a bun because that is the only effort that i give to myself lately.. THANK YOU for the inspiration... and even though i have been living a sedentary lifestyle maybe i can become healthier so i can live longer to enjoy my kiddos and my own hubby whom i call J... and a bonus would be it would make me feel a bit better about myself..
you have a WONDERFUL day!!!
Posted by: emilie | 05/04/2011 at 03:20 PM
Good for you!!! Best wishes on your journey!!!!=D Have you heard of the book Made to Crave,I'm currently reading it and it is helping me tremendously with my journey!
Posted by: Lissa | 05/04/2011 at 04:56 PM
You just described how so many of us feel - good for you for doing something about it!! I started the 17 day diet 3 days ago...I highly recommend it if you want to kick-start your weightloss. It's all about making healthy choices. I'm trying to squeeze into a bridesmaid dress I need to wear in 6 weeks so I need to lose fast but I plan to continue healthy eating after I reach my goal!
Posted by: Kaila | 05/04/2011 at 05:45 PM
Looks like you are off to a yummy start! I am right there with you too! I am ready to ditch the fat! I do think you look fantastic already though!
Posted by: Noelle Reese | 05/04/2011 at 08:59 PM
good for you steph! i just started back to my "WW routine" this week...because i feel all the same things you do. i LOVE the WW momentum cookbook...i've only made one thing i haven't loved...and brent loves the recipes too...he says they're very "crossfit" ;)
Posted by: Kimber-Leigh | 05/04/2011 at 09:21 PM
You can do it!!
Posted by: susan (luckyjava) | 05/04/2011 at 10:05 PM
Yah!!!
You just verbalized everything that I am feeling about myself (and I only have 2 kids and they are a bit older). I am exhausted every day, I eat very unhealthy things because I am too tired to cook, I don't care about the number on the scale...I just want to tone up and most importantly, feel better. Being a mom is the most exhausting job in the world. I love my kids to the moon and back, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to make myself a priority after they were born. I thought it would get easier after they went to school, but it didn't. I am dropping off/picking up at school 3x a day (i have a kindergartener who goes 1/2 day), spend the evening rushing to get dinner in before tball and dance and girl scouts and cub scouts, and then at the end of the day I have homework to do with my fourth grader, which is not easy considering the math they bring home. By the end of the night, I am exhausted. No one seems to understand. But then I read your post and I realized that I am not alone.
Thanks for your post. I have been trying (to no avail) to implement these very same things you are and you have inspired me to begin again.
Thanks so, so much!!!
Kim
Posted by: Kim Hastie | 05/04/2011 at 10:06 PM
oh yes you definitely can and you deserve this (: way to go! am sure the girls and your husband are proud because i'm proud of you ((:
Posted by: Juanna | 05/04/2011 at 11:59 PM
Best wishes on your new journey. I think you look terrific, but completely understand what you're thinking/feeling about treating yourself better and being more health conscious in our choices.
I give you a standing ovation for including the part about it not being a number on the scale or on the tag! Bravo! As the mother of two girls who, as an adult has struggled with anorexia, we consistently have these conversations with our girls...countering what they're seeing in the media/fashion world.
As always, I love to read your heartfelt and REAL posts.
Blessings...
Posted by: Amy K | 05/05/2011 at 04:27 AM
Good for you! For the first time in my life, I actually eat healthy(er) on a daily basis. I'm 38. I never thought I could do it. I've lost 15 lbs. Every day is a struggle but I let myself indulge from time to time and that's enough for me :)
Posted by: Asha | 05/05/2011 at 05:05 AM
Way to go! We recently got a Whole Foods market closer to us and now we do our main shopping there. We were already buying as much organics and no preservatives as we could, but now it's even better! I make a lot of foods from scratch too and surprisingly, our grocery bill is not much different.
About a year ago we started limiting the amount of plastic containers we use because of the toxins they contain and I found plenty of vintage refrigerator containers to store and reheat food in. Step-by-step is the key to all these healthy changes. It's too overwhelming to try and do it overnight.
Enjoy a healthier you!
Posted by: Kathy Martin | 05/05/2011 at 06:24 AM
Congrats and thanks for being such an amazing role model to your girls...and super congrats for doing this for your self. Just made my decison yesterday. It must be kismet :-)
Posted by: kathi | 05/05/2011 at 06:39 AM
I just stumbled across your blog and this is the first post I see. God sending me a message through you I am sure. This is so the message I needed to hear and process I need to begin. Thank you for using your blog and being transparent about places we all get to in our lives. THANKS and best of luck. The first step, acknowledgment is the hardest. Keep us posted on your journey.We have one of the most important jobs on earth - taking care of our children and we really do need to take care of ourselves and model good habits.
By the way, how do you take/post the photos to look like negatives?
Posted by: April | 05/05/2011 at 07:10 AM
thank you april. and welcome!!! i think you are referring to the instagram app. i use this on my iphone photos. hope this helps!
Posted by: Stephanie Howell | 05/05/2011 at 07:13 AM
Good for you, Stephanie! I have to join you on this journey - it's much too important to my family AND to me! Good luck to us both!!
Posted by: Sue Sykes | 05/05/2011 at 08:43 AM
I'm proud of you for taking this step. I have waited until I am 70 and now I have joined weight watchers and reclaiming my good health. I had just allowed the weight to creep up on me and now I could kick myself for waiting so long. The improvement has been so painless and I feel so much better!
Posted by: Pat | 05/05/2011 at 09:17 AM
YES YOU CAN!!! & we will be right here by your side every step of the way!!!
Posted by: Kim | 05/05/2011 at 09:48 AM
Good for you! You are always an inspiration to me, and I look forward to hearing your success stories. I always had the perfect hair/nails/make-up too before I had kids. Now, with three kids I am busier than ever. I was always told it gets harder as they get older and that is so true. They are all in school now, and instead of spending my days shopping, cleaning, cooking, like I planned to, I spend my days vounteering at their schools. I love it! It does not give me much time to spend on myself, but I will always cherish the times I see them at lunch or in the hall, or helping their teacher. So do not feel that you have to be perfect. Reading your blog I can tell what a wonderful mother and wife that you are. You are an inspiration to me even with your hair in a bun! My oldest child does tease me about my clothes!! If she only knew what a clothes snob I used to be before kids - now they take all my clothes funds!! Your food pictures look delicious - please share any good recipes. I am not a healthy eater either. Anyways, I always enjoy your blog, it is by far the best blog out there! Keep up the wonderful work.
Posted by: Stacey | 05/05/2011 at 01:08 PM
Congratulations!!! I'm doing the same, I will be 40 in December and I decided I want to be healthy and to have inner peace....
Posted by: Karla | 05/05/2011 at 01:37 PM
I'm on the same path!! And you're right... it seems like it's all about you, and you have to do it for you... but in the long run, it's good for the WHOLE family!
Posted by: Carrielyn | 05/05/2011 at 08:10 PM
I just read this post about "taking care of me" and I so hear you. My twins are 3.5 now and still I think, not bad for a mother of four. But really? Really Mel? Come on. I'd like to say that I'm five pounds from where I want to be, but that isn't the case. AS you said it isn't about the scale, but when I can't find anything to wear, that is a problem. It's funny or maybe Ironic, but I can't eat when I'm unhappy, so I'm nice and skinny and miserable. So now that my life is so good and everything is lining up and my children are happy and healthy, I do need to start focusing on me. Thank you for the reminder.
Posted by: MelTallman | 05/06/2011 at 11:26 PM