when they say

(photo has nothing to do with the post, but these peonies are making me smile today and i can't have a post without a photo, now can i? :)

 

when they say: "do you run a daycare or something?"

i say: "and this is only HALF of them!"

 

when they say: "do they all have the same daddy?"

i say: "all except that one!" and point at one of the twins.snicker. this is very funny to me, since they look identical. also, it doesn't take much to entertain me right now.

 

when they say:"your hands are FULL!"

i say: "yes, they are.literally.would you mind opening the door?"

 

when they say: "i feel sorry for you!"

i say: "oh, please don't!"

 

when they say: "are you #&*$ing crazy?"- my personal favorite response i've gotten thus far!

i say: "yes i am. a little bit." and then i make crazy eyes. and cate, well she's always making crazy eyes. and then i laugh.

 

when they say: "how do you do it?"

i say: "prayer. constant prayer. oh, and wine doesn't hurt!"

 

when they hold the door open for me or say "can i help you?" or tell me they are beautiful, or that i am lucky, or that they couldn't do it, but that they wish they could

i say: simply..."thank you". and sometimes i have to restrain myself from hugging them. especially these days when i have one foot in the loony bin. a little kindness goes a really really long way.

 

i used to not really think about what i said to people. i talk to EVERYONE. that's just my personality. i can talk to a wall. i have on several occasions!

i think people want to try to connect, to start a conversation, but sometimes don't know what to say. one thing having four children under 5.5 has taught me, is think before you speak.

when you see a mom with two baby carriers, hair in her face, sunglasses falling to the concrete, one foot stuck in the *&#* stroller while she tries to collapse it, groceries spilling out of the van, tears in her eyes (not that this has ever happened to me yeah right)...

it's much kinder to simply smile, lend a hand, put a grocery bag in the trunk,

than it is to say "i'd kill myself if i was you".

true story. that's been said to me several times.

trial and error have taught me that the best response is a smile. and something like "i am one lucky girl".

usually that works. in the case of the people that have said they'd kill themselves, i'm usually so taken aback i stop and say "why?".

and they say something like "four girls? and twins? and a husband that is always gone? i'd die". and i get they are trying to connect. but that ain't the way to do it.

i truly feel that i am married to my hero. and i have four HEALTHY children. it's a gift.

i know it's not for everyone. it's certainly not a path i thought i'd ever be on! but i'm on it, baby! and determined to take this path with a smile.

and some day tears. true story. but mostly smiles.

also, another thing that works is sadie saying something totally inappropriate at these times. last time she randomly said something about poop. which i would normally frown upon...but it just worked at that moment.

HA!

hope your day is gorgeous!

xo

s

 

 

Comments

[nicole]

I love everything you write. you are unbelievable. stay strong, smile and laugh at all the rude/dumb people out there

[Kristyn G]

You Rock Steph!!
I love that you keep it real with us and don't try to create this perfect picture for all of your admiring readers :) I am sure we would all gladly hold a door, a little one, and a grocery bag for you if we were in Savannah :) You are an amazing woman and your girls will be too!

[Andrea]

I cant believe that people would deliberately be so mean, I guess its often speak first, think later. I think you are awesome. You keep it real and tell it as it is, even when its not perfect. You are gorgeous as are your girls and in my mind you have a pretty perfect life. Keep it up.

[Steph H]

Are the twins good sleepers? Because I'm thinking I could never come up with responses like those while sleep deprived. Actually, I think I'm STILL to sleep deprived to come up with responses to some of those things!
It makes me smile to think of you and your girls out together. I'm certain they're watching you and learning so much about how to treat people through your words. Let's just hope they wait a few years to learn about the healing power of wine! :)

[meghan]

Your writing is always so amazing, you really know how to reach out to people and share your feelings in a way we can all understand exactly how you feel. Wish I lived close enough to hold open a door, or hold one of those cute babies for you! Keep up the good work.

[Christine F.]

oh my gosh, I can't believe SAY stuff like that! What is wrong with people. I'm sure the comments get old but you are setting such a good example for your bigs that you treat people with respect with your funny/sweet comments back to people instead of biting back. Which would be difficult for me to do!!

Hang in there... :)

[Andrea Dick]

Love the one about do they all have the same father. I get that one alot. (My oldest and youngest look just like my husband)I respond with 2 of them are the mailman's, don't tell my husband. Another I get, are they all mine? I just say, I randomlly collect children off the street.

Just keep smiling, laughing,and crying. You know some days are hard but even the hard ones have something to smile about.

[Christine F.]

The first sentence should be "I can't believe people SAY stuff like that!" oy, proofreaders needed.... ;)

[Cathy]

You are so blessed. We have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, I'd give anything to trade with you!
And if I saw you in the parking lot, I'd lend a hand for sure!

[Sky]

beautiful post. love it :-)

[Jenn C]

I love your attitude... one of the best things I ever learned (in a leadership class in high school) was to say THANK YOU when someone gives you a compliment. No more no less.... just THANK YOU.

If you think you can, you can... words I live by!

[Eleni]

I always looking forward to read your posts!

[Jamie D]

Thank you for this post. I would not be surprised if I was to say something like "i would die" not thinking but only trying to relate through misery. You are so right that that wouldn't make anyone feel good. Thank you for such an honest post and helping to educate! You're awesome! :)

[Stacey]

I cannot believe the things people say. I do not think 4 kids is a lot, and I know several people with four or more and they are really close together in age. I think people just like to comment no matter how many or few kids people have. The just like to talk.

[Sarah H.]

I loved your honesty in this post, Stephanie. At one time, I was caregiver to my friend's 2 children and I had two of my own. The two youngest were only 6 weeks apart...so it felt like I had twins during the hours of 8-6. So I have only a taste of what you deal with on a daily basis. But I got so many of those commments, and they made me cry on so many occasions. Good for you for making people think about what they say! Like Mom always said..."if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all", right? Your children are gorgeous and I always think that when these younger years are gone, even though they can be challenging now, I will miss them! I know you've echoed that on your blog, too. It makes me happy to think of my kids being grown up and coming to visit and filling our home with love and laughter and good times for many years to come. Your house is already filled with so much love, but with 4 girls, your heart will definitely be very full for many years to come! Congratulations on an amazing family!

[Noelle]

People are insensitive. It's really insane how they think they can say things like that and it's just ok. I, for one, think wow you have your hands full. I'm sure there are days you want to cry. I wanted to cry yesterday with 1 baby, who happened to be vomiting her breakfast while I tried to also deal with an invasion of ants. And that was just with 1 baby. I can't imagine 4. But you are incredibly lucky to have those 4 precious beautiful girls. And I know there are just as many funny and magical days as there are disaster days. Such is life.

[Cori-Lyn]

You are so blessed Stephanie - and the best response I ever heard?? "Your hands must be full"... "yep, but so is my heart"
xo

[Stephanie Howell]

Yes, i love that one too! Blogged it a few months ago! ;)

Sent from my iPhone

[Jen Strange]

I am so blessed and inspired by your attitude about your 4 lovelies!!!! THANK YOU

[April C]

You are an amazing person. You go girl! And can I just say WTH is wrong with people? Someone actually asked you if they all had the same Daddy?? That just boggles my mind.

Have a lovely day!

[Michelle]

People do say the dumbest things. I am the type to just lend a hand. There was a new mom (only one baby). You could tell she was a first time mom. She was so flustered and baby wasn't even really fussing yet. Ben and I had just finished bagging our groceries. She had asked the cashier to find someone to bag hers. I just told her I would do it. I was already standing there. No need to wait for a cart boy. Bagged them, fussed over her baby and left. I can't believe someone actually asked you if they had the same daddy. They all look alike! that is just plain rude. Seriously. People have foot in mouth disease. People have done it to me alot lately. Different subject matter, but still. Getting really irritated.

[Ellie A.]

You ARE beyond amazing darling! ((HUGS)) I am always in awe how you can create all those beautiful projects but are able to share w/us your amazing beautiful girls & family life w/us so please know its so appreciated!

[Stacy/CA]

God bless you and your beautiful family, Stephanie. Your spirit and attitude are so refreshing. You truly help me appreciate all I have in life when mothering a teenager begins to wear on me.

[Leigh]

They're all so cute, my reaction would be "When can I babysit!?" :)

[Linda E]

Way to go, Stephanie! People should really think before they speak. You ARE blessed with beautiful, healthy girls, a hero husband and a fantastic sense of humor. I cant remember if I ever told you that my son has bright red hair and my husband and I do not. When he was a baby, people would always say, "Where does he get his red hair from? The mailman?" To which I replied, "No. The UPS man. He is much cuter!" Have a great day, Stephanie. And thanks for always putting a smile on my face whether its by telling a great story, sharing a fabulous layout or showing some beautiful baby pictures.

[Kristen]

As a mom of three boys (one with autism), I get wack-a-doo comments too. My new response to the 'oh gosh, I don't know how you do it' or 'I couldn't do it' is I look them square in the eye and tell them, yes you could. You would wake up each day and put one foot in front of the other. You would try your best (most of the time) to get through the day. Then you'd go to sleep and do it all over again. You would do it because you have to. 'cause that's what I do. I didn't plan this crazy life, but I wake up each day and do it. And most days...I love it. ;)

[sue schubert]

I will never forget a kind act by a stranger in a shopping centre, I had a pre-schooler and a screaming baby, she pushed my trolley to the carpark, unloaded my groceries,took the trolley back, while I buckled up my little one and fed my baby, her only words where "I know what its like!"
by the time I got over the shock,she'd gone.

[Lynn]

Stephanie, I always love your postsand really loved yesterday and today's posts. I was in line getting lunch at work a couple of weeks ago and was making idle chit chat with the lady in line behind me and asked how she was. She didn't give the typical okay or good...rather she responded with "I am blessed." Her response like your wonderful outlook on life stuck with me. I am so very blessed to have four healthy boys and am married to the love of my life. You are so very blessed too...thank you for sharing your heart with us day in and day out.

[Hannal]

Stephanie - you have such an amazing attitude adn I love your responses. I was never really bothered by what people said before but expecting our twins I'm amazed by the negative comments people say. Much like the responses you here - there is no way they could do it, or just put them in a padded room. Whatt?? After years of struggle getting pregnant I feel our babies are such a blessing. Anyway - thanks again for the post.

[Julie]

You have the most beautiful family! I'm convinced kids are the greatest gift imaginable (I have two!) and you are truly so blessed! And those 4 little girls? They are going to be thick as thieves someday- they are so blessed too ;)

[Ki Kruk]

Sadie completely slays me! I would likely howl with laughter (however inappropriate the statement)... she's just too priceless for words!

[Erin]

I think (if it were me) I'd be more offended at the "do they have the same daddy?" comment. Holy COW!! Who says that?!

[DeeDee]

The peonies are beautiful! People say some of the strangest things. Why would someone just out and out ask if they all have the same father? I mean really? I loved your answer! That was good! I love reading your blog and seeing the new pictures of your beautiful daughters.

[viki powell]

Such a joy to read your blog! I have two girls, now grown 20 & 22, would have loved to have had more. Reading your blog and others with small children is fun for me, I miss those days and all those outspoken people that comment on other families! You are a jewel and so are your sweet girls. You all sparkle from what I can tell. Keep up the great work.

[Norma]

I can SOOO relate! I also have 4 children, and when my youngest was born, my oldest was 5.5, but all single births and I got those types of comments all the time, most especially the "you've got your hands full." Because I have to work full-time outside the home, we had to have child-care, and when they were all little, we felt that an au pair would be our best option. Our first au pair was a wonderful young woman from Germany who remains one of my dearest friends, and I loved her response when she got that comment while out with the kids (the hands full line)... she'd smile sweetly and say, no there's still a little room! I don't think anyone ever had a response to that. Hang in there, and don't let those poor souls who are less blessed than we are wear you down. My oldest is now 16 and youngest is 11, and I truly don't know where the time has gone, but I can honestly say despite all the chaos I'd do it all again.

[Corey Brock]

I LOVE this post! I get it a lot, but I only have 3....can't imagine 4 (with twins!). And you said it...tears or smiles, it is the BEST! :-)

[9isfine]

I get the strangest questions about my kids all. the. time! I've got nine little ones that range in age from 3 to 15 with the five in the middle all within 3 years. Six of my nine were adopted thru foster care so we are all different colors - truly a beautiful rainbow. "School group?" "Field trip?" "Are they all yours?" "Where'd you get them all?" "Do they all have the same dad?" It goes on and on and on. Once, in a truly inspired moment, I answered the rude question of the day with "I sleep around a lot." You should have seen the woman's jaw drop to the floor! I laughed so hard I cried while the person spluttered and stuttered to back pedal her way out of the question. All those questions may be rude, but I try hard to make light of it all and use it as an opportunity to educate people about foster care, adoption and what truly makes a happy family. I also usually get a good laugh out of it all. hang in there! sounds like you're doing a fabulous job!!

[Bernice]

I love your attitude. Children really are blessings, even when things are tough. Glad you can see through all the hard times and find a little humour in it all.

[Angie F]

LOVE this post!! I think you are amazing, Stephanie!! Thanks so much for all you share! It will never cease to amaze me what people think is ok to say! YIKES!!

[Vicky Varvadouka]

Well...girl...MY hero is YOU!!!! That's all I have to say!!!
Love and a big hug from Greece!
xoxo

[Claudia]

Stephanie,
You crack me up! I so look forward to your posts and the pictures of the bigs and littles. Sometimes I feel like part of the family and that makes me happy!
Love to you all.

[Emily]

You are AWESOME!! I loved it when my babies where in the carrier car seats and someone would say, wow you have your hands full and then freaking watch me try to open the door without dropping anyone! Really? Or with my boy girl twins I'd get the "are they identical" question. I'd just say absolutely except for one little thing! Or I'd get asked if they were natural (no, we had help) and depending on my mood or the amount of sleep I'd gotten I'd either reply yes, all natural-no preservatives. Or in my not so great moods I'd say the status of my uterus was none of their biz.
FYI using the word uterus randomly really throws people off and usually stops any conversation!

[valerie]

"Do they all have the same daddy?" Really! Who says that??

[Asha]

That's funny, what people say to you because if I saw you, I'd most likely say, "I want twins! I'm so jealous!!!!" or "I want four kids, you're so lucky!" Seriously, who are these creeps you run into??
I do know a mom with twins and a total of four kids. When I first met her I said, "you have your hands full" and I didn't mean it in a bad way, I said it because they were all running in different directions while she was trying to watch her oldest on the ball field. Needless to say, she kind of turned away and didn't speak to me for a long time. That was two years ago. I always regretted saying that to her thinking she didn't like me. Well, our sons are on the same baseball team again this year and we talk all the time now and I think she's awesome & funny! She has a sense of humor about having four young kids. Yeah, I'll never make a comment like that again.

[Kathy]

Always remember (and I know you will) you are blessed! I am amazed at your grace and best of all your humor...gotta have that! Take care, love from OKC!

[Stephanie Howell]

oh no! well im so glad yall are friends now!
i have never had my feelings hurt by that comment, i just LITERALLY hear it 5-10 (or more!)
times every day and im mainly just tired of it. HA!!! i think i used to say that before i had c+l, too! thats a main one that i KNOW people are just trying to interact or connect when they say it!

[Kathy Martin]

Beautiful flowers! Great attitude! Hope you have a super day! Oh, have you seen the parking spaces for new and expecting mother's? They're usually next to or near handicap spots. I've seen them twice now. Usually new or remodeled shopping areas. Anyway, every little bit helps when you're a new mom juggling so many things at once! Hey...what about new mother valet!?!? Where they actually hold doors open, load groceries, etc! Now we're talkin'! :)

[Cara]

I don't understand it, my SIL gets this stuff a lot too, she's got her 5th on the way. I have 5 (9 and under) and I don't get anything like this. I get a lot of astonished looks and 'are those all yours?' but nothing really rude or nasty. Mostly people tell me they admire me or say in awe that they don't know how I do it. I love getting those comments. I'll send these poeple along your way ;)

Love the twins from different daddies response LOL!!

[Susanne]

i can't believe someone would tell you they would kill themselves if they were you! people's rudeness just amazes me sometimes. i always look at people with a lot of little kids and kind of wish it were me! you go girl (and all your beautiful girlies, too!)

[Sherry Cartwright]

This post is AWESOME! I can only imagine that my parents received the similar comments when they had my twin sister and I. We were child five and six.

This post reminds me of a time when my siblings and I went to church with my aunt and uncle. They had seven children; we had six. My uncle sat at one end of the pew and my aunt at the other, sandwiching all of us in between. When someone asked my uncle if we were his kids, he said, "yep, every single one of them."

Hugs to you and your girls!

[Elizabeth]

I am also amazed at what people say... I am single with two beautiful daughters adopted from China. People will ask right in front of them "are they real sisters?", or "wow... you must have no life"... the truth is... motherhood is my greatest gift. Keep the comments rolling off your back and know that indeed you are blessed.

Elizabeth

[Lyndsay]

Stephanie, love this post!!! So funny that Sadie made a comment about poop. =) Your 4 girls are just precious and make me want to have more kids myself! =)

[Michelle L]

I don't have 4 kids but I do have 2 adopted boys and it never ceases to amaze me the things that come out of people's mouths! It's really taught me to think before I speak. Most people don't mean it in a harmful way they just don't think.
I get stuff like "Where did you get those?" and "Are they your real kids?" and my all time favorite "Why didn't you adopt American kids?" (My boys are both from South Korea.)

I ignore a lot of it, sometimes I use sarcasam and sometimes I just ask them why, becuase it's amazing how that throws someone off.

You are very blessed and the only person that needs to know it is you and your beautiful girls!
God Bless!

[Dolly]

Stephanie, my youngest had her little boy last week...a few weeks early, but he is healthy and her little family is so happy. Her husband is leaving this weekend for 30 days of field training before deployment in Sept. I know that she has said God knew exactly when Caleb should be born, just in time for his Daddy to be there for his first born child. Many military moms do not get to have that. She will be moving home in Sept for the year that her soldier is deployed. I have told her that your blog will help keep her sane (you both have very similar humor). I think that you are grace personified. Hang in there. Smiles and hugs.

[sue frazier]

I have five and four of them are under 6! I totally agree with you...people should think before they make comments to you...believe me everyday is a blessing to me to have all these beautiful children around me....yes, it's hectic ,yes, it's hard sometimes, but its always worth it when you see the sweet smile on their little faces :)....God bless u Stephanie for being such a real person!

[Kat Layton]

You my dear are my Hero! To do what you do daily with a sense of humor is worthy! No I did not have twins but I did have three wonderful children and I did it all on my own, today, they are grown and I swell with pride for who they are and what they have accomplished. Enjoy each and every moment with those beautiful little girls, that is what life is all about.

[melina]

Im gonna say something, i do think is not for everyone, hence why i admire you!, I have one and for me its enough, then i see you, and you manage to prove people wrong, so heres to you and your happy, healthy children, what else can we ask for? Remember, us moms dont get enough recognition either way, but our children sure appreciate every little nice thing we do for them and thats all that matters to us!

[Tina]

People say crazy sh*t about my family, too. Being a white mom with three black kids has made us targets of some vary invasive questions and lots of rude staring.

My favorite line was at a holiday party at my aunts house, and this old guy I'd never met before had been caught staring at me quite a few times. Then at one point he comes over to me and asks, "Does your husband know they're not his?" After picking my jaw up off the floor and swallowing my tongue, I said, "sssshhhhh! It'll be our secret then."

Humans are curious and inquisitive, and when faced with something unusual or that they can't personal imagine doing, they lose any verbal or thought filters and speak exactly what's on their mind. Humor, I've found, is the best way to respond. And you've got that nailed.

You are my hero, Steph. And you're a hero to many, especially to your girls and your husband.

[Melinda]

You're a great and REAL momma! I know how crazy-fun it is, I've got a 5 and 1 yr old. How beautiful and rewarding yet challenging at times. How to really think before you speak, though at times I'll lose it and give them an earful(strangers, not my kids) :D And to embrace, enjoy and smile...because they really are only little for so long!

[Heidi]

I have three, 2,4 & 6, and I've heard most of those comments. I cannot count the number of times I've heard "You have your hands full." I've taken to answering, "Yes. Would you like one?" 90% of people laugh and decline. 10% look at me like I've lost my mind and are ACTUALLY offering them a kid. Those are my favorites! I often wonder how they describe the encounter to their friends.

[Candy]

We need wine when they hit their teen years too...maybe moms should pool money and buy a winery...just a thought.

[Linnea]

Such an inappropriate thing to say - people can be so rude! You're a good mom, Stephanie.

[Jen G...]

People really do say the craziest things! We have 4 kids who are 17 months apart (11 1/2 an 10 year old triplets). We would always get... Oh my your hands are full line all the time! My response every time would be... With love and joy!! My husband's favorite game was when people would ask dumb questions just give ridiculous answers that people totally believed. We always got a good laugh. I wish people would think before they spoke or remember the line they should of learned as a kid... If you can't say something nice don't say anything. Everyday day is a great blessing to me to have these 4 greatest gifts that at one time we thought we may never have.

[gretchen]

seriously? people ask you if they all have the same daddy??! hilarious! who does that??!!