perception vs. reality

i seriously have no idea what i'm doing half the time.

i brew coffee in the keurig without a cup underneath and i don't even notice until the coffee is running off of the countertop and onto the floor.

i attempt to make ruby slippers with glitter glue and red glitter...and somehow end up gluing the flats to the front porch. true story. there is still red glitter in the crevasses on the porch.

i laugh when i should be stern.

i raise my voice when i shouldn't.

i pin all sorts of cool crafts to do with my girls. and i never do them. i have the best of intentions but rarely follow through.

more often than not, we have convenience meals. pasta,tacos,casseroles.i'm not a very good cook.

i feel like i'm on a treadmill that is going WAY too fast and i simply can't catch up.

i forget field trip slips and lunch money.

my car looks like a tornado went through it.

i have never made a homemade halloween costume or homemade cake in my life.

when all else fails, i put on elmo. or yo gabba.

i feed my children lollypops just so i can get through the grocery store.

the laundry is piled up sky high. always. no matter how many times i *think* i'm caught up.

and you know what?

i am good with it. great with it,actually.

source

because it works for me. it works for us. it's trial and error.

my children are happy. and healthy. and loved. oh so loved.

i used to worry that i wasn't doing it right. that i wasn't doing it like everyone else was.

you know. that comparison game. that subtle one-upping that some women like to do? that's not how i roll.

at least i don't roll that way any more.i gave that up when i realized it was making me miserable.

i do what works for us. but i'm sure not going to act like i have it all together.

because yesterday i almost hit the mailbox.

today i unintentionally wore pajamas to drop my children off.

i screw up crock pot recipes at least once a week. i mean...how do you even DO that? my favorite was when i cooked a meal on high for 8 hours instead of on low. that was awesome.

i pay the sitter to come three hours a week just so i can be alone. sometimes i don't even do any work.

i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing.

anyone who says they have it all together?

is lying.

plain and simple.

right? RIGHT! who's with me??? :)
now off to botch a dinner attempt.

love you guys!

xoxo

Comments

[KellyMinMN]

been there. often.

[Gabriela]

Thank you for telling it how it is! You are an awesome mom!

[Julie]

Love, love, love this post - it sounds EXACTLY like my life :)

[Marti Richards]

I am with you!

[Bridgette]

WORD.
:)

[Elizabeth Rosemond]

Switch out lollipops with cake pops and I could have written this post!! You're an amazing mom and wife. That's reality!!

[NikkiM]

Ditto

[ginny]

You're doing just fine! Hard to find sweeter or more loved little girls than yours! Just keep up the good work!But I am still trying to figure out how you glued the shoes to the porch.

[tammy kay]

This made me laugh. I feel the exact same way.

[Molly]

this is why i read your blog. :)

[Rachel]

I love this post!!!! I can not put into words how much I love it!!!!! People always comment to me how they 'don't know how I do it, 5 kids, uni, husband, house and commuting' I tell them I don't. It's a perception, that I'm always chasing my tail but I love my kids, we have fun, play games, go for walks, dress up and do all sorts of crazy, embarrassing, silly things! And I'm ok with that, the house is a mess, I don't exercise as much (or at all lately) as I should and I can't tell you the last time I brushed my hair!

On a side note, I haven't read your blog for a couple of months (no time) and have really missed it. Reading this post this morning made be realize just how much I missed it and how you always make me smile, thanks!!!!

[Kim S.]

I am soooo with you, girlfriend. That's why I read. You keep it real. No one-upping!

[Tobi]

Absolutely right! We might not be the most "popular" momma, and they may even talk about us at the PTA meetings, but our girls love us, and we teach them that love is perfection, and that being ourselves is perfection. Good post girl, good post.

[Vicky Wilbeck]

I am the exact same way!! I tell my self that the most important thing is LOVE. If you have a household that runs on love, nothing else matters. Unless I become one of those hoarders with junk piled sky high and dead, flatten cats in various corners - then we have problem (especially because I don't own any cats). :)

[Stephanie Howell]

BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! I just laughed out loud! HA!

[sasha farina]

amen sista!! lol..

[Awesome chick]

We can't be friends. Ever.
Purely because you didn't add that you swig wine from the bottle on a cry day.
Goodbye.

[Stephanie Howell]

b/c i dont. i swill it from the bag. box wine, you know. :) xoxo

[Linda trace]

Awesome post! I'm right there with ya baby!! I pin crafts that I never do, I'm overly perfectionist-y with myself and my kids and frankly 99% of it doesn't matter. I hate people coming over to my house or seeing my car when it's a mess so I lock myself away, it's ridiculous.

No more!! If someone wants to judge me for having an untidy house, they aren't welcome here (side eyes my own mother lol)

Your family is lovely as are you!!

[Laura]

Speak it, sister! Amen! :-) I have one child -- one -- and we're all over the map. I lent kidlet a pair of my socks because all of hers (except two very, very mismatched ones) were in the laundry. We eat out of the freezer and the microwave a lot. There are dirty dishes in my kitchen right now. Not a few, either. But at the end of the day when kidlet reads to us, or in the morning when I wake her and her little arms come around my neck before she's even awake . . . yeah. All's right with the world. Happy Thursday!

[megan]

"i feel like i'm on a treadmill that is going WAY too fast and i simply can't catch up" -- totally THIS!!

I spent a couple weekends making homemade halloween costumes for my daughter and myself... and now I'm behind on all my DT work!

I used to judge myself a lot also, by what I thought other people were thinking of me. I have gotten a lot better at it, but I still hate forgetting the permission slips or losing the paper with her lunch account number on it THE DAY BEFORE THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I hate that because I feel like her teacher is judging me. The teacher is a perky 20-something with no kids. So I'm totally sure she wonders how I we keep losing this stuff. (and by 'we' I mean all the parents not just me)

[Natalie]

Your ADORABLE!!! and so funny!! Secret.....I have hit the mailbox (and my girls still laugh and give me a hard time about it, seriously who puts a mailbox on the edge of a curb in front of every house?!) and I have even worn my slippers to the grocery store!

oh well.....
:0) Natalie

[Amy]

Oh Stephanie! This is true in most houses, and if it isn't. It isn't reality! Living life like this is fun and necessary! You are so true!!!

[Nicole]

Oh, can I relate to this. :) just this morning...running late as always, throwing together lunches last minute, trying to find library books due, two kids pitching fits, one spilling half the OJ on the floor. When the dog stole turkey I was going to use for the lunches, it was the last straw. I totally crumbled. :( felt much better after my five minute cry fest, pity party. :) my van is disgustingly messy. My laundry is in piles. The kids' rooms are a disaster half the time and my powder room toilet is clogged. Thanks for this reminder that none of us is perfect. Sometimes even though I knw that....it encourages me tremendously to hear it. :) :)

[Amanda J.]

Getting ready to botch dinner myself! I like your attitude :).

[Jessica @The Mom Creative]

Your words are a gift to my spirit today. Thank you for your honesty. Man. I wish we lived on the same street. xo

[Jen]

With you on all accounts! Even the croc pot!

[Kim Ryden]

I'm SO with you girl! I might even have to write one of these posts for myself! ;)

[Kim Ryden]

I wish I was your neighbor too! All 3 of us on the same street...FUN TIMES! :)

[Shay]

love ya girl, and this post! You're so brave with FOUR adorable girls, & I totally admire you, pajamas, cooking skills & all :) xoxo

[diana]

A positive attitude is everything. It sounds like you are doing the right things right! ;-)

[Nita K.]

This is totally why I read your blog. Love it! And I so wish I could hire a sitter for some alone time. For real. I sometimes just go to the bathroom and lock the door and I don't even need to use it. I just need space.

[Jennifer Pebbles]

I just sucked up to you all over Instagram :D LOL!! Seriously, best ever. We are all like this. I f'up dinner so regularly, that it's best someone else cooks...like takeout. :D I do one craft with Maggie a month. The list goes on and on.

[MilliD]

RIGHT!!! Your children are loved and they know it. Period. Are we good here? ;)

[Amanda N.]

You rock! You are seriously a lady I respect and I think you DO have it all together! Military wife, awesome momma to 4 amazing girls, crafty goddess, and fabulous style! Your honesty helps the rest of us! :)

[Emily B]

I don't even have kids yet and I feel like this will be my inspiration. Thank you :)

[sandi]

You are the best!!! I mean seriously!!! :)

[Dawn Ritchie]

Thank you.

[melbrewin]

Oh Steph you seem to jump in my head sometimes. So agree. Comparison kills. teaching our girls this is a top priority if only I could get it right myself.
thanks for sharing. Love it & love you. Your blog are a highlight of my day (pretty sad huh?!) have an awesome week. blessings. M xxx

[lauren]

i'm with you. enough said! ;) *

[christina rayevich]

just keepin' it real! your fam is loved & that's all that matters =)
xo
P.s. i can't start the lawn mower when my husband is out to sea.. you should see the yard! jungle lol.

[MelissaS]

LOVE the honesty in your posts! Thank you for that. I am trying to give up on the comparison game, because it really did me in last year. Seriously, had to resort to Zoloft which only made me feel worse about the whole situation.

The kids won't remember half the dinners we prepare for them, or that they had to wear a dirty uniform shirt to school one day. They WILL remember that they are loved (and they might remember shoes glued to the porch - that is funny!). Keep up the good work!

[Account Deleted]

I love you.

[Lulu]

I hear you! :) boy do I hear you!

[Audrey]

Awesome. I can identify with most of it, but especially about the treadmill and never catching up. I love you for writing this post!

[becky]

Favorite.Post.Ever.

[Jill]

fantastic post! i only have 1 daughter and my life is chaotic!!! thanks for being up front and honest.

[Aimee Nicole]

Thank you for always being real!

[Tracy O]

Yep...I can relate to every single statement you made...been there, done that...every single day. Thanks for the reminder that we don't have to have it all together and I love the statement that anyone who does is lying!

Needed this today!

[Katherine Wilkinson]

I LOVE these posts! Sometimes I think the women who have families, blog and still find time to scrapbook have perfect lives. I know this isn't true but, it's nice to see that I'm not alone! hehe Hope you have an awesome day!!

[Holly H.]

I love this post. I had a friend just yesterday tell me she was jealous of me and all the homemaking skills. I laughed and told her that was my only skill set. I make be good at making pies, but I am horrible at taking tests and knowing things about cars. We all have different talents and skills and some people's are more visible than others.
I'm a stay at home mom and I ran out of toilet paper the other day. I remembered to make rice krispie treats, but not to get toilet paper. Priorities :)

[justem]

Love this. :) The funny part - don't take this the wrong way, but I've never actually perceived you as one of those everything perfect super-moms. I've really just perceived you as a normal, down-to-earth super mom. ;)

[Linda]

You are WONDERFUL! What a perfect post and I just adore those pictures!

[Kim Faucher]

I need to run over and give you a great big hug! We can go get coffee, play with your girlies and ignore laundry and dishes together!!

[Holly C]

This is SO TRUE! We were recently having dinner and Zeke was on TOP of the table helping himself to handfuls of BUTTER. And it took me about 90 seconds to actually realize what was happening right before my eyes -- He quite regularly will get out of his chair and climb on top of the table to get seconds (Not really sporting the best manners in town) but I don't usually encourage eating butter straight from the dish- geez! Hope you guys are staying warm! Holly

[Stacey]

Me, me, me! I could have written that entire list! With the execption of pinning, as I still haven't figured out how to do pinterest. I would love to learn how to do it. I even hit my neighbors mailbox on the way to my daughter's soccer game 4 weeks ago! Didn't hurt their mailbox (they told me it's fine!) but did break our side mirror in the van. I am so glad to see that I am not the only one with all these things! And my car, with three girls, always looks like a tornado hit it. But then I clean it out and the next place we go I really needed some of the "junk" that was in the car. I burn dinner half the time because I get involved in another chore. I really think I have "housework ADHD". Love this post!

[Missy]

Love your honesty. Love how it makes me feel better as well as many others. Thank you!

[karen]

so with you! we had waffles for dinner :)

i wish we all showed our "flaws" a bit more often. i'd like to live in a world of compassion and kindness as opposed to comparison.

here's to botching dinner and loving our kids fiercely.

[dawn]

I LOVE THIS!!! BEST POST EVER!!! THANKS FOR KEEPING IT REAL!!! YOU ROCK AND ARE THE COOLEST MOM!!! SO HAPPY THAT YOU BOTCH UP DINNERS TOO, MY KIDS JOKE OVER WHICH FOODS I WILL BURN. HUGS!!

[Kim]

You sound like my twin:)
Can I borrow your sitter???

I regularly drop the kids off at school looking like a scarecrow because I'm too tired to comb my hair, lol!
It's so embarrassing because all the other moms look pulled together. You'd think I'd get up earlier to take a shower to avoid feeling like this, but nope.... it happens every. single.day.

Your blog makes me feel better and I love that you are so real.

Thank you!!!

[Yeong Shong]

I am definitely with you!!! Once I want my house to be spotless...and it kills me and I felt so tired....
Now, I'll just make sure it's not too bad and I'm happy...

[Mel Blackburn]

Oh my! I so needed to read that right now!!! Thank you so much Stephanie for the reminder. Too often I try to do it all, with 3 girls, 3 months, 4 and 8, that's just impossible, you know how it is. ;) Thank you for posting this tonight, I really need to try to remind myself everyday that it doesn't matter if the floor isnt clean or the dirty clothes are pilling up, as long as we are happy that's what matters. Oh that I'm not the only one that forget school stuff.

[Lauren]

THanks for keepin' it real for the rest of us. It's so easy to look at peoples lives "online" and "instagrammed" and think that they have it all together and you are the only one who is often swimming against the current, so thanks for reminding me that I'm doing ok just as I am and all I need to do is keep swimming!

[clippergirl]

Well said!

[mara]

thank you for writing this.
and for being you.
and for sharing silly pictures that make me giggle.
xx.

[Ruth G]

Sounds like you've got a very healthy outlook! I learned the hard way very early on (my oldest was a great teacher;-) that my kids are why I matter and I need to make sure that they know that they matter! (They used to ask who was coming over if they heard me vacuuming!)
Anyway, congrats on the happy family! Someday, they will be doing chores and your house will be immaculate, OK maybe not, but you can dream!

[Miriam Prantner]

So there with you! Thanks for this post!

[Janell Knudson]

Stephanie - I wish we had raised kids together - we would've had so much fun!! I roll the same way you do!!

The time really does fly by - enjoy your girls and continue to make wonderful memories!!

[Maggie]

ANd even still, you are the inspiration. I have a 17 month old and am 35 weeks pregnant. Every once in a while, when I feel like it is too much and I can't juggle work and work at home and not sleeping etc, you pop into my mind. Then I think about how you said you had to pee every half hour when you were pregnant with the twins or how often you've been home alone managing it all by yourself or something else, and then I move on and keep going.

[sherry vinson]

I think any mother has experienced some or all of the above. You just keep on keeping on and all will be well in the end! I used to tell my boys that we were making memories when those crazy things happened. Now when the family is together, they are telling tales of their childhood and those crazy things their mamma did! I so admire that you are even remotely sane with 4 children!!! Enjoy, oh so enjoy your 4 treasures!! You are doing a super job and don't ever believe you are not!!!!

[Julie V.]

These were the right words at the right time for both my heart and my head to hear. I'm even sharing this post with my husband because this is so our life. We are right there with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[abbeyviolet]

Oh so totally with you. My van is a mess as is my house most of the time. I let my daughter pick out her outfits that she thinks are 'ashion, but sometimes are just so many colors at once along with maybe 20 hairclips (she's 3). We totally forgot to send in my son's math homework last week (he's in kindergarten) and I live in constant fear that I've left the baby somewhere. We have mountains of laundry, and I was just pondering if my son has clean long pants for tomorrow. Probably so, right? If not, it is very warm in OK this time of year... They are so loved and letting them play outside more than clean on these last few fall days is worth it. Our family is awesome even if we're messy. We love each other and are mostly happy chaos. Love you!

[Michelle R]

Love LOVE LOVE this post! I am SO with you....nobody has it figured out....we are all flying by the seat of our pants doing the best we can. My kids are happy and healthy thank the good Lord and that is truly all that matters.

[Sharon Osborn]

Yep! They are sooooo lying :) You are the best you know?

[Brenda]

Awesome post! You go girl!!

[summer]

Love this. Particularly your crock pot disaster; liners are my saving grace. Love is all that matters and you and your family seem to have that down :)

[Janna]

I love it! It's so absolutely me too! I pinned that on pinterest just the other night and wrote I wish I could remind myself of this every morning. I'm trying. Trying to be me. Just me. Not me compared to anyone else. You are the best! Totally did that a few weeks ago with the cooked on high instead of low in the crock;) Keep it comin Steph. You're the best!!!

[Briana]

Just want to say that you are AWESOME!!!!! And I wish that we were neighbors (Washington next???)! Thanks for the bright ending to another of my uphill treadmill days!

[sam]

so what you're saying is you're normal? ;) i must have 10 loads of laundry to do as we speak and i have one less kid than you..... you don't even want to know what our convenience meals are. hahaha

[Pilbara Pink]

I hear you :) When my children were little (they are in their late 20s now) I would insist I had to iron all their clothes (do you youngsters even KNOW what an iron is haha?) Great plan, except I would get so far behind they would GROW OUT of clothes before I got round to ironing them!! Seriously, no one knows you and your family better, do what works for all of you. No point in being super tidy and organised if there is no time left for fun - trust me I did that and regret every minute of it now. My girls don't remember that I mopped the floor twice a day, they remember that they weren't allowed to do certain crafts because it would mess up my clean house :( Luckily they see it now for what it was and don't resent it/me, in fact we joke about it. But it added absolutely nothing to their childhoods and took away too much time. I adore the way you roll and applaud you for your honesty. We women are so hard on each other and often even harder on ourselves. We need to show some grace and compassion - starting at home :)

[Lorraine Johnson]

Ditto.... x

[Claire]

I'm still like it Stephanie, with a 17 and a 15 yr old. I can drive the kids to school in my slippers on the day that I forgot I had to go to the office. You have 4 children. They look so happy and loved. The end! I was going to say that's all you need, but you DO have to make sure they remember their lunch for school otherwise that's a whole other perception (been there ...). Love your daily visits to my email!

[Cass]

The. Best. Post. Ever.
You have written some wonderful posts in the past that I have loved but this one really hit the spot for me today. So often I find myself worrying about whether I am good enough, whether I do as much as the next mum, whether I send my son to school with enough homebaked food, and on and on... Thank you for the wake-up call that there is a massive difference between perception and reality. And really, does the opinion of anyone who doesn't live in my home really matter?

Big hugs for you Steph. Thank you. :)

[Amy K]

I love your "keeping it real" posts. You are not alone. The pics of you & Sadie are fantastic.

[Gayle W.]

Possibly my favorite part of this post. ;) Bwahahahaha! xoxo

[kate]

I liked the bit about the babysitter. Sometimes I just pretend to go to the gym and work-out like a madwoman, and instead I have a cappucino and read a silly magazine. Put my clothes in the sauna, until they're properly soaked and drive home, refreshed and rested.

[Cathy K.]

I think that someone who has it all together all the time never has any fun. Work, housework, kids, elderly parents, bad weather all require a good sense of humor and a willingness to just let things be. We try to laugh at the snafu moments in my house, laughter is so much better than frustration. Thanks for the reminder!

[snazzyoriginal]

This is truly what real family life is about. My Dad always said the children don't care if they can write their name in the dust (best train them not to tho' lol!) but they will remember all their lives that you had time to read a story or for a trip to the park. So true xx

[Claudia]

RIGHT!

[Monica]

Amen sister! :) Sometimes, after homework is done, I pour some coconut rum in my oj....all of which sits in my mommy cup. And my kids favorite meal this month is crock pot bbq pulled chicken. It's super hard too....throw frozen chicken breasts in crock pot (the bigger yours is the more you can make for extra days) and then dump a bottle of bbq sauce on top. Cook on whatever temp you like! Shred and serve on buns with a little extra sauce on top. TGIF!

[susan kopp]

Oh you are so normal you don't even realize it! Back in the day ( just aged myself there ) we didn't have such mommy competition. Oh yeah there was always a "Martha Stewart" in the group, you know the type, perfect house, perfect kids, perfect hubby all while refinishing some antique, repairing the screens on the house and canning the fruits of her labor from her weed free garden. The rest of us were pawing through the dirty laundry for the least dirty sock to go with the last remaining clean one, hoping the kids weren't tired of mac and cheese again, and grabbing a shower when the hubby came home from work and you thrust all 4 at him with the look that said "woman on the edge". Maybe I was oblivious to it all, but I didn't care. I wasn't trying to compete with anyone.....I didn't have the spare time! You are doing it right because you are doing it Stephanies way!

[gabby]

i love you so.
and am amused that we both wrote posts like this yesterday.
i appreciate the real.
i appreciate my YOU.
love you.
xoxo.

[Linda G.]

LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! :)

[andrea smith.]

i love your honesty and can totally relate too! my home is constantly in a half-state of clean. sometimes i grab pants out of the laundry basket and straight up wear them, even if there's a smear of grape jelly on the leg. i made stuffed peppers the other night for dinner, but never thought to stir them as they cooked for 2.5 hours so the bottoms were burnt. oh well. it's real life and it's wonderful. :)

[Judith Burkhard]

None of it matters because your soldier is home with you all.

[Alena]

One of the many many reasons your blog is on my favorites list!!

[Marjie Kemper]

Sooooo with ya, girl. Great post!

[Serene]

Thank you, Stephanie! Nowadays, I don't get makeup on until I get to work after battling NYC traffic to drop off my son at school. There was a time in my life, pre-full time working wife and mother, when I wouldn't even consider leaving the house without full hair and makeup being done. I've even worn 1 black and 1 navy shoe to work once.....ok, maybe twice. Oh and when I occasionally see my neighbor's maid leave her freshly cleaned house, I have to fight back an urge to hi-jack the lady to come clean mine! Thanks for letting us know we are not alone.
Shades of Blue

[Kelley Hartnett]

Well that is a HUGE relief- I was beginning to think I was the only one who didn't have it all together!!! Thanks for making me smile so big my jaw hurt! Love reading your posts, I look forward to logging on everyday just to see and hear what you and your family is up to. Keep it up!

[Joy]

Thank you for being so open and honest.
One of my favourite posts ever at all blogs.
You are an AMAZING woman!