blink.

Look at this girl. I feel like it was only yesterday that I was holding her in my arms. An 8 lb. 9 oz. bundle of big brown eyes and brunette hair.

I feel like it was just yesterday I was learning about eczema and food allergies and spending too much money on beautiful little dresses from Nordstrom.

I feel like only yesterday she was teaching me how to me a mom. Teaching me that sometimes it's REALLY HARD. And that it's not all magical and natural. That sometimes I would hand her to her daddy the MOMENT he walked in the door and I'd run to Target where I'd walk in circles and cry because I was so overwhelmed.

That after a few minutes of this I'd miss her desperately and hurry back home.

That first year was a beautiful and terrible whirlwind all at once. At first I disliked it and loved it in equal measures. Then slowly, slowly...I figured it out and the love won over the desperation. She taught me how to be her mother. How to get over myself. How to learn 100 percent that it's not always about me. I learned how to become truly selfless. How to breathe.

I learned that most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing but that we would learn together. 

I learned that motherhood is a scary and wonderful thing. It's messy and frustrating and awe-inspiring and terrible and beautiful.

She was and is my saving grace.

And in a little over a week she will be EIGHT. It has been such a joy and such an honor watching her grow into the kind, tenderhearted, and talented little girl that she is. 

We still butt heads. We always will because we are cut from the same overly-sensitive cloth.

But oh, this girl. This girl is love.

The other day we were talking about daddy going away again for a while. I kind of expected tears about missed birthdays, plays, and other things. But y'all. It makes me teary just thinking about it.

She said...It's okay mommy! We've done it so many times and we will do it again and be just fine. It's just another one of our adventures. We will miss daddy so much, but we will make memories and take lots of pictures to tell him about it. 

And then she whispered in my ear..."Mommy my heart hurts and I want to cry. But I mainly just want to be strong and happy."

Harper Elizabeth, I am so proud of you.

xo

 

Comments

[Grace]

You always do this...you capture our hearts and we smile and then bam tears come down! lol She has a beautiful heart that came from 2 beautiful parents. Grace xoox

[Kami]

WOW!!!!! Such a sweetheart!!! She is a blessing for sure!!

[[email protected]]

Oh, that so made me cry! She has such a good attitude and she is so grown up! We are dealing with our Daddy being deployed just barely into his 9 month tour and he has only been gone 3 weeks. We are grateful for Skype even though we get to do it once a week because of time difference between him and us. We are calling it our Adventure too! These little peoples are so very brave! Happy Birthday Harper, wow 8!

[photogazelle@home]

Cue the tears. What a lovely soul you are raising. Be proud mama.

[Hellen]

Kids are great! She is so sweet. I lost my husband 11/2 years ago and my ten year old boy always tells me such a sweet things when Im down... Hope she has a great birthday! Enjoy.

[Dana A]

Eight!!! No way! I remember you making scrapbook pages when she was under 1! Love how you post it's not all magic and butterflies, but struggles and cries. Real life!

Looks like Harper and I are both Tauruses! Happy Birthday, Harper!

[Mary Jo]

What a beautiful, kind and loving daughter you have!

[ginny]

You have this mama thing down perfectly. You are raising such beautiful & loving-hearted daughters. Harper is such a special little girl - so sensitive, so loving & so caring. Sometimes I think she is an old soul in such a young little person. Hug her tight for me.

[CJ]

What a beautiful and amazing little girl. I have an eight year old as well, it's such a magical age. Old enough to start understanding things and talking about things, but still small and sweet and happy to have cuddles and hold hands. You have some beautiful photos of her there. How brave and strong she is. A real tribute to you and Jimmy. CJ xx

[Lisa Martin]

WAAA but most of all she's taught us 'ashion.

[Deb]

So beautiful! Love her perspective xx

[Pamela B]

Bawling over your post today!! That is one VERY special girl you've got there :)

[nkmac]

Sniff, sniff...beautiful message to miss Harper! She is very lucky...as are you!!

[Pat Cloud]

You did a lot of things right! She is so beautiful inside and out!

[Danielle Taylor]

Ms Harper can teach us all a valuable lesson. I sit here in tears as I read her brave words whispered in her mommy's ear! Thank you for sharing your family with us!

[Gayle Wissler]

Crying. So sweet and precious that you have this dear daughter to share life with, and who actually understands better than some adults what you are feeling with Jimmy going away. She has learned to be strong and to make the best of whatever the situation!

[Sarah Martina]

I'm away from my kids right now and kind of emotional, but this made me cry. How incredibly precious that beautiful girl of yours is! And your words capture your adventure with her so perfectly. Thank you for sharing how beautiful motherhood really is. <3 Happy birthday, Harper!

[clippergirl]

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!!

[Danielle Barton]

that last line… killed. me.

what a little gem!!!

[Raquel]

I don't even know what to say, but knew I couldn't just read this post and be on my way without leaving a comment. She is such a strong little girl and it amazes me how resilient she is. So touching!! I hope I am able to raise my little girl to be just as beautiful as Harper is, inside and out!

[MichelleB]

Dang...weepy eyed before breakfast! What a beautiful post and what a beautiful soul you're raising! She's just awesome. :)

[Debra williams]

Wow! What a sweet child! You and your husband are truly blessed and in my opinion she gets it from her mama. You are doing a great job raising her and she will continue to make you proud. When she reaches teen years, if you need to remind her just show her these posts.

[Judith Burkhard]

Praying for Jimmy and your family from an old Armybrat.

[Kimber-Leigh]

those last few paragraphs brought tears to my eyes! what a lovely girl you have there steph. it seems she also has your tender strength :) big hugs as she's enters a new age--eight is a FUN year!

[GinnaG]

Priceless.

[Jessica Zavala]

so beautifully writen and relatable on many levels of new motherhood. what a little sweetheart.

[Emma]

Beautiful! If my memory serves me well, your Harper and my Timothy share the same birthday, he will be 8 next Saturday. He is also my first and has taught me so much, he keeps me grounded so often and reminds me what is really important in life. Happy birthday to your darling girl and have a wonderful last week of 7!

[Rebecca]

She sounds as beautiful inside as she is on the outside. Your husband has some strong girls on his side. :)

[Alison]

She is a treasure. Maybe she needs another special necklace to match the star one you got her a few years ago for being brave and strong and kind. Maybe a colored crystal so it can represent being strong like a rock but still be pretty.

[Leslee]

She is wise beyond her years! God Bless her!

[Laura]

Golly, Stephanie, that child is wise beyond her years and more grownup than I would probably be (not ever having had to live through a deployment as a spouse or a child.) Sending hugs across the internet to you and your brave oldest girl.

[Janna]

Brought tears....And then she whispered in my ear..."Mommy my heart hurts and I want to cry. But I mainly just want to be strong and happy."

What a darling!!!

Happy early birthday Harper!!