On Creative Weirdness

I'm stuck in a really weird place, y'all.

A place where I love to look at all of my pretty scrap supplies, but rarely use them.

A place where I got rid of about 3/4 of my supplies so I don't feel so overwhelmed, where I move paper around but never glue anything.

Layouts don't feel like "me" anymore, but I'm not really interested in Project Life.

I love using my supplies for gift wrapping, though.

I've come to the realization that for now, I enjoy little notebooks, journals and minis.

A place to gather snippets and thoughts, but much less traditional than what I used to make.

And it's really weird to be honest. I don't know exactly what happened. I just quit making stuff and then I waited longer and longer and then I just stopped. Completely.

And I really miss it but I don't know if it will ever be the same way that it used to be.

And you know what? That's okay. I'm still meeting my creative needs, even though it's lunchbox notes and not layouts.

I have a ridiculous amount of 12x12 albums that are stuffed to the gills. And they are HEAVY. And I have to move them all over this world. And I'm kind of tired of that. But the other day I walked into my craft room (soon to be baby room) and Harper was curled into an armchair flipping through my albums and the joy on her face was affirmation.

I'm so glad that I have all of those pages.

And I don't want to never make one again. I truly don't!

But now I have my blog. And Instagram. And Artifact Uprising books. And journals. And a million photos. And minis. There isn't guilt, y'all.

But there is a longing. My heart misses it. And I think that means that I will make pages again soon. I don't think I will ever make big 12x12 pages with one photo again, though. It's just too much.

I got too caught up in the stuff and the expectations. Too caught up in what everyone else was doing and saying and selling and making. I lost the joy.

So that's where I am. In limbo. Wanting to make, but not sure how or what. Slowly finding my way back. Piece by piece, photo by photo.

 

xoxo

S

Comments

[tara pakosta]

I totally get you! I have half my stuff in the basement, going to be giving it all away. the other 1/4 I gave away already and the 1/4 is in my bedroom waiting for me! I lost the joy because like you, I have a zillion pages done, but mine aren't in albums, they are in bins and that's what overwhelms me! plus I have journals I keep for them which I put a photo in every now and then and a TON of mini books. no guilt here either, nada!
enjoy what you are doing now and if you ever feel like making a big book again, yay and if not, mini's are fine and so are artifact uprising! whatever way works at the time, it's all good!
tara

[Stephanie Thompson]

I have been totally un-creative the whole time I've been pregnant too. Besides crocheting I haven't really made anything, I force myself to keep up with my album that I'm putting my weekly pregnancy pictures in though. I hope I feel more creative when Emmelyn comes so that I keep up with her pictures!

[Melissa D.]

Just curious what you do with the supplies you get rid of? I have supplies to donate but don't know where to donate them.

[Laura Evangeline]

You could fart on a cracker, and we'd all think it was AH-mazing! Do your thing, and you'll always have fans. I think your readers just want you to be happy. And maybe live vicariously through your awesome life a little along the way.

[holly humbert]

I'm in the same place. Infertility has just sucked the joy of scrapbooking out of me. I have Zoe, I have hundreds of her moments to scrapbook. But whenever I sit down to scrap, I can't help thinking about the miscarriages I've had and all those moments I don't have with those angels. I just can't. So I've been sewing. It's creative, but doesn't have the emotional component to it. I still look at supplies - heck I still even buy supplies. I know one day my heart will heal and I can go back to it. I'm in the camp of do what works for you. BTW, I have always loved your work. Your blog is what got me into the online world of scrapbooking. So thank you!

[young c]

Thanks for the honesty - I've been feeling like this lately, too, and not sure what to do.....am trying to change things up with PL in the 9x12 size...hopefully doing things in a new way will give a boost to the creativity.

[CJ]

Much of the same here. It's odd isn't it. I love the 12x12 books I have, but I don't create that way any more. Maybe one day I'll come back to it. But so long as I have photos and words, the memories, that is enough for now. But what to do with all of the stuff..? CJ xx

[Julie]

It is ok to create how YOU want to create. Comparing ourselves to other people and products that are out there only leads to disappointment with ourselves, which is NOT what its about!! You do what you can/want to do for now, and you may or may not create how you used to in years gone by. You do have a lot on your plate right now, and just thinking of what to do is mentally exhausting. Plus the fact that you are incubating!!! My gosh,it sucks the life out of you! So be gentle with yourself at this time in your life. You are living in another country, your family is all together and growing. LIFE IS GOOD!! Cheer up buttercup!!
Sincerest wishes,
Julie

[Evgenia]

I too know what you are talking about! Loved looking at my supplies and move them around, but couldn't glue a single thing. I sold 2/3 of my stuff and waited. In a few weeks I found myself engaged by Photoshop and photography. And only in 8-9 months did I look at the papers and flowers with interest again...
So there's nothing weird about your feelings. You need to enjoy your hobby, not owe something to it.

[Laura]

I think this is one of those "to everything there is a season" things. I remember you had a bit of an epiphany about your scrapping around the time you decided not to do design teams. You should do what you love, what fulfills you. In your copious spare time. hahahahaha ;-)

I occasionally have the thought that I'm ready to move on . . . I already have lost most of my enthusiasm for cardmaking (but still make, because I have a ton of stuff!) I'd like to get better at photography and do some writing, which I'd have time for if I wasn't scrapping. So maybe when my girlie goes off to college in 7 years . . .

[Pat H]

I kind of feel the same way. For so long I was wrapped up in watching what others were doing and collecting the tons of supplies that I thought I absolutely had to have until it piled up and is now overwhelming and it's not so much fun any more but more of a chore. Now I am enjoying a new crafting adventure...quilting. I like your attitude..maybe you'll get back to it, maybe not, but it's all good. One question.. What's artifact uprising?

[Alison]

I stopped doing paper 3.5 years ago. My girls scrapbooks I do online now and I'm so much happier.

[kelly goree]

Sister friend. ...how did you end up in my head? ??!!!

[Tammy]

Yes, yes, just yes!
I totally get this!

[Julie]

Laura,
I can't quit laughing at your comment!!! I have to keep this line "fart on a cracker", in my head to use at some point in my life, it's priceless!!

[Candy]

A person can get burned out on anything. I see it with my friends and family all the time. I mean even careers hit burnout fazes. My approach to scrapping has always been slow and steady. And I have only finished three large albums so far and my kids have already left home. But really it is ok. Life is too short to worry about such things. On the other hand we do take very good care of our photos. And when I do sit down to do a page, I basically go down memory lane and it makes for a wonderful day.It is our parents, though, that wore out their mini albums.. photos of the grandkids, etc. They had dementia and carried those albums everywhere they went. Scrapping does have a place in our lives, but the type of pages, and the expectations the suppliers/marketers put on us(to make money for themselves), are probably unrealistic.

[Pat Cloud]

I am overwhelmed because I have so much product and so little time. I wished someone had restrained me when I was buying, now I do feel guilt. But, I do still love it, except now it seems more like a chore than a fun hobby. I go in a store and fall in love again, buy a few things and then come home and put it up. I miss your layouts, but totally understand.

[Sara Kiiru]

I understand this so well, and I echo what others have said here. You are a vibrant, creative person who is doing SO VERY MUCH for your family right now, and if it means stuff doesn't get documented like it used to, OH WELL. You will continue to be vibrant and creative whether or not you're creating like you used to do, and my bet is that you'll discover a new joy. Years ago, when most of the several dozen journals I'd been keeping since elementary school (including my study-abroad stint traveling through Europe) were ruined in a basement flood, I stopped writing altogether. After a year or so, I randomly started writing poems (a whole new craft for me) and it was invigorating and enjoyable, and continues to be a way I find joy and work through things almost twenty years later. I wonder If I would have discovered that love/ability if I'd never been pushed away from writing essay-form pieces. And I've also returned to journaling and begun blogging, so God brought me back to a place where I could engage creatively again in those wonderfully familiar ways. I'm praying for you as you go through all these adjustments and praying you find peace as you abide in Him throughout.

[Jody Wenke]

Hi Steph <3 I can so relate to you about the-never-feeling-like-you-will-make-another-page-again feeling, but I am here to tell you, it does come back. I honestly think hormones play a huge role in our creativity. For you it's pregnancy, for me it was the dreaded menopause. 3 years ago, I went from scrapping 1-2 pages a week, to not caring at all, to now maybe 1-2 pages a month. But unlike you I desperately miss blogging (I had to turn my blog private because of a pervert daily downloading old photos of my girls in their bathing suits) And because it was private, no one read it anymore, so it lays in limbo now. I miss the daily/weekly comradery I had with my blog readers. But it does feel so good again to scrap, I think when you give birth to this little angel, along with it you will give birth to a new burst of creativity :) Love you girl!

[Helen]

I think we all hit this at some stage.....I don't think I'll ever make one photo LO's again, either, or at least not ones without a mountain of journalling.....I'm still PL-ing but find myself drawn to somehow just 'creating', whatever that means in the moment I want to create: a painting on a sheet of paper (that might later become the base for a LO), a hand-lettered title (that might be included in PL), a quilt piece (that also might become a LO or something else)......I'm just going with the flow and enjoying the process.....

[rkokes]

I so know what you mean!!!

[Craftylou]

I have always loved your honesty and forthrightness on your blog. You have an amazing voice and presence. I too have went through the growing pains of wanting to move forward and create in a new way. I'm a single, introverted girl. I don't spend a lot of time taking pictures or getting out to do things. I've always loved to journal but I absolutely love the three dimensional feeling of paper, glue, pens, and paint. I've never done any PL-ing though I've tried. There just doesn't seem like enough "life" happening in my small world. I have used the pauses in my creative flow to read, catch up on television, and journal. After 10 years, I've finally started accepting the creative cycle. Hang in there...I know your next projects will be amazing!

[Susanne Singh]

I have been in the same position and I now do digital scrapbooking and have a photobook made at the end of the year. I can just save an unfinished page and come back to it later-no mess and no fuss. This is my third year digital and I have a few dozen physical scrapbooks that our teen sons rarely look at. They do however like the photobooks. Life gets in the way of creativity all too often. Whatever you decide to do will be amazing.

[Kate]

Being creative is not only about actually sitting down and making smashing lay-outs. You are creative in many different ways right now, none of them involving paper, doilies and glue. So what? Lots of your creativity is handed down to your girls, bet they use tons of paper and glue. Creativity goes into writing this blog. Planning family trips into the great unknown. Coping in a foreign country. Creating Howell princess number 5. Enjoy!

[Keshet Starr]

Love this post (although you can see I am WAY behind in my blog reading!). I have also been in such a weird place about scrapbooking--I miss it, but don't have much desire. I guess I miss the desire? I love reading your musings and the posts where you really share your heart. This is such a special little space:)

[reyanna]

You inspire me so much. I so know this feeling. But i haven't scrapped in nearly 4 years. I did subscribe to Studio Calico again. Project Life. I think i have 7 boxes, sitting untouched. I looked at them. 😉 Have i done a page? No. Do i plan to? Probably not. I just loved the compact idea. Smaller things. Less stuff. I will be creative with those things one day soon. Just need to figure it out. 😊 I have no timeframe. But when i do, my creative things will be waiting. 😊 Big hugs, Lovely.

[Tanya Greaves]

I had a 6 year break from scrapbooking......5 family members died in a 12 month period which zapped all the creativity out of me. I didn't think I would ever scrapbook again! However, I stumbled across Lain Ehmann on you tube this past April and now have my mojo back. I'm now scrapping more than I ever did.....I'm also trying to get back up to date with all the new machines and products. My stash is small, I'm going to keep it that way. I scrap old and new pictures, mostly 12x12 layouts, but, I have dabbled in Project Life and some smaller albums. Life just happens.......go with the flow. 😉