Stephanie Howell

perception vs. reality

i seriously have no idea what i'm doing half the time.

i brew coffee in the keurig without a cup underneath and i don't even notice until the coffee is running off of the countertop and onto the floor.

i attempt to make ruby slippers with glitter glue and red glitter...and somehow end up gluing the flats to the front porch. true story. there is still red glitter in the crevasses on the porch.

i laugh when i should be stern.

i raise my voice when i shouldn't.

i pin all sorts of cool crafts to do with my girls. and i never do them. i have the best of intentions but rarely follow through.

more often than not, we have convenience meals. pasta,tacos,casseroles.i'm not a very good cook.

i feel like i'm on a treadmill that is going WAY too fast and i simply can't catch up.

i forget field trip slips and lunch money.

my car looks like a tornado went through it.

i have never made a homemade halloween costume or homemade cake in my life.

when all else fails, i put on elmo. or yo gabba.

i feed my children lollypops just so i can get through the grocery store.

the laundry is piled up sky high. always. no matter how many times i *think* i'm caught up.

and you know what?

i am good with it. great with it,actually.

source

because it works for me. it works for us. it's trial and error.

my children are happy. and healthy. and loved. oh so loved.

i used to worry that i wasn't doing it right. that i wasn't doing it like everyone else was.

you know. that comparison game. that subtle one-upping that some women like to do? that's not how i roll.

at least i don't roll that way any more.i gave that up when i realized it was making me miserable.

i do what works for us. but i'm sure not going to act like i have it all together.

because yesterday i almost hit the mailbox.

today i unintentionally wore pajamas to drop my children off.

i screw up crock pot recipes at least once a week. i mean...how do you even DO that? my favorite was when i cooked a meal on high for 8 hours instead of on low. that was awesome.

i pay the sitter to come three hours a week just so i can be alone. sometimes i don't even do any work.

i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing.

anyone who says they have it all together?

is lying.

plain and simple.

right? RIGHT! who's with me??? :)
now off to botch a dinner attempt.

love you guys!

xoxo

*love*ly things- i feel...

lately i feel content.

content with being a mother.

content with a new and unexpected opportunity. with change.

content that my family is together for right now. holding on to these moments tightly.

content in the certainty that i'm on a path that will make me happy.

content with having four precious girls.

content with loving someone with all of my heart, and knowing that i'm just as loved in return.

i'm happy. so very happy.

and i'm in love with life right now. still learning, deciding,wondering about so much. but so very blessed. and content.

happy thursday!

xxo

s

 

where do i find the time?

via typography served

 

via ffffound

 

via evoking you

 

 confession time. i'm going to share a pet peeve of mine with you. i really, really don't like it when non-crafty people look at me like i've sprouted a second head and say...

"where do you find the time?".

i do not like it. not one little bit. it perturbs me. or as my friend jamie would say, it "makes me stabby". haha! 

and before some of you get stabby with ME, let me clarify. i'm not speaking of the person that genuinely wants to know, the person that is not saying it in a condescending way. i'm talking about the person that says it in a smug way.

this is something i've noticed over the past few years, a comment that keeps popping up here and there.

 

here's my thought process on this.

we ALL have the same hours in the day.

some of us choose to run marathons. some of us watch television. some of us read. some of us volunteer. some of us cultivate a spotless house (not me). some of us are caught up on the laundry.

some of us work outside the home. some of us garden. some of us exercise.

some of us craft.

some of us can do more than one of these things.

 

i LOVE being creative. it makes me me. does that make sense? i'm a happier person with creativity in my life. i grew up around a creative mother. creativity is what i love.

 

don't make me feel like i waste my time,or as if my hours are less valuable than yours. whew...i said it!

 

i always feel as if "where do you find the time?" is a backhanded compliment.

 

as if i must be neglecting my family. or locking the babies in a cage while i make decoupaged toilet paper roll holders.

or like i'm  wasting my time. or as if i have no life.

 

i LOVE making things. i love scrapbooking. i love making my home beautiful. i love throwing parties for my girls (with handmade decorations).

this does not mean i neglect other areas of my life (ummmm, well maybe the laundry needs some help).

this does not mean i put my kids in front of a tv 8 hours a day so that i can scrapbook.

and it doesn't even come CLOSE to meaning that *my* time is any more valuable or any more special than yours. i don't think i'm better than anyone who *doesn't* hand craft birthday decor. it doesn't mean i think i'm better than someone who doesn't enjoy making. i don't even think about it! everyone has their "thing". my thing is making.

 

where do i find the time? i make the time. i try to spend a few minutes a day doing something creative. that might mean that i make a tree topper (glitter and paper plates- we can't ever find one we like to buy!) with my girls. it might mean i hand wrap a gift. it might mean i buy a bouquet and put it in a transferware pitcher. it might mean i make a scrapbook page, or journal,or decorate my mantel.

sometimes i don't have the time. i don't find it. i feel like that recently. and i miss it! i feel less "me". less fulfilled.

yesterday decorating the tree and decorating the mantel fulfilled my need. paper crafting has falling a bit by the wayside but i'm having to fill that hole in other ways right now.

 

i make the time because it is important to me! and my family appreciates it.

i do have a life. and it is enriched by living creatively!

 

it was the same way when i was a prolific exerciser (is that a word???)- i've fallen off the wagon a bit. haha! but people would say the same thing.

 

is it a woman thing? do women have to say this to one another to justify their choices? or make themselves feel better about something that's bothering them?? i don't get it! you don't need to say it to me! you do what you enjoy doing, i do what i enjoy doing.

 

one is NOT better than the other!

wow. i feel much better now that i've shared that with the world.

dare i say that blogging might be just as good as therapy? at the very least it's just as good as punching a punching bag.

hahahah! happy thursday y'all!...spend it doing whatever floats YOUR boat. i promise i won't judge you for it. :) ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

xxo

s

 

perspective

sign from fisher kids

 

it might seem strange that the real housewives franchise got me thinking.

well, it always makes me think "are you kidding me?"

the women on that show are the epitome of tacky. foul-mouthed, gossipy, selfish, narcissistic, co-dependent.

wow, can you tell i have strong feelings on this? ha!

really...i've been watching this show for years and i don't know why. i suppose it's a good escape. a guilty pleasure.

but it's gotten to the point that i can't watch because it's sad. they really need some perspective.

and this is what really got me thinking.

i need some perspective too. my girls do as well.

there are bigger, more important things in this life than begging for a toy at target in the dollar spot. or tattling on each other. or fighting over who's turn it is to sit in the front of the bathtub.

there are more important things than me worrying about how dirty my house is. or caring about what other people say to me. there are bigger things than me wanting to get in shape.or getting caught up in worrying about j.

there are people out there who are sick. who have nothing. people who are lonely. people who don't have anyone to love them...see that's the thing. i have someone to love me. he's gone, but i have him. so many people don't.

yesterday i decided the howell girls need some perspective.

so i called around, and next week we are going to start volunteering.

i think it's high time i teach my girls how to serve others. and how to serve our community.

once a week we will be helping others in some way.

here's what we have so far.

- making drawings and cards for the elderly

- delivering meals on wheels

- sterling rides- taking the elderly to grocery shop or run errands (yes, i'm crazy. but there's room in the minivan for one more person, so why not?)

-friday night bingo at a nursing home here in town

-contributing to the local food pantry

-arts and crafts at a senior center (do you see a theme here, i think the elderly would LOVE my girls and vice versa).

clearly there are lots more options, but this is what we have so far. having four kiddos under 6 greatly minimizes what we can do. ha!

 

i'm hoping this will teach us all to be grateful for what we have. i'm thinking this is a good thing. and i'm wondering why we didn't do this much sooner?

i know why- b/c sometimes i don't look beyond me. beyond us.

here's to changing that.

xxo

s

when they say

(photo has nothing to do with the post, but these peonies are making me smile today and i can't have a post without a photo, now can i? :)

 

when they say: "do you run a daycare or something?"

i say: "and this is only HALF of them!"

 

when they say: "do they all have the same daddy?"

i say: "all except that one!" and point at one of the twins.snicker. this is very funny to me, since they look identical. also, it doesn't take much to entertain me right now.

 

when they say:"your hands are FULL!"

i say: "yes, they are.literally.would you mind opening the door?"

 

when they say: "i feel sorry for you!"

i say: "oh, please don't!"

 

when they say: "are you #&*$ing crazy?"- my personal favorite response i've gotten thus far!

i say: "yes i am. a little bit." and then i make crazy eyes. and cate, well she's always making crazy eyes. and then i laugh.

 

when they say: "how do you do it?"

i say: "prayer. constant prayer. oh, and wine doesn't hurt!"

 

when they hold the door open for me or say "can i help you?" or tell me they are beautiful, or that i am lucky, or that they couldn't do it, but that they wish they could

i say: simply..."thank you". and sometimes i have to restrain myself from hugging them. especially these days when i have one foot in the loony bin. a little kindness goes a really really long way.

 

i used to not really think about what i said to people. i talk to EVERYONE. that's just my personality. i can talk to a wall. i have on several occasions!

i think people want to try to connect, to start a conversation, but sometimes don't know what to say. one thing having four children under 5.5 has taught me, is think before you speak.

when you see a mom with two baby carriers, hair in her face, sunglasses falling to the concrete, one foot stuck in the *&#* stroller while she tries to collapse it, groceries spilling out of the van, tears in her eyes (not that this has ever happened to me yeah right)...

it's much kinder to simply smile, lend a hand, put a grocery bag in the trunk,

than it is to say "i'd kill myself if i was you".

true story. that's been said to me several times.

trial and error have taught me that the best response is a smile. and something like "i am one lucky girl".

usually that works. in the case of the people that have said they'd kill themselves, i'm usually so taken aback i stop and say "why?".

and they say something like "four girls? and twins? and a husband that is always gone? i'd die". and i get they are trying to connect. but that ain't the way to do it.

i truly feel that i am married to my hero. and i have four HEALTHY children. it's a gift.

i know it's not for everyone. it's certainly not a path i thought i'd ever be on! but i'm on it, baby! and determined to take this path with a smile.

and some day tears. true story. but mostly smiles.

also, another thing that works is sadie saying something totally inappropriate at these times. last time she randomly said something about poop. which i would normally frown upon...but it just worked at that moment.

HA!

hope your day is gorgeous!

xo

s

 

 

let's be honest.

**elise joy giveaway still open below!**

 

i'll be honest here.

i lose my patience with my girls. sometimes i am sarcastic, or short,or downright impatient and mean.

sometimes?

i lose it and raise my voice.

i am not the sort of mother who will tell  you i have never yelled at my children.

i wish i hadn't.

i wish i was the woman with a soft, firm, gentle yet loving voice at all times.

but i'm not.

i could lie here and make it sound like i'm that mom. but i won't. i'm not.

and i'm okay with that.

years of teaching combined with some experience w/ this mommy thing have taught me it's all about the tone. not the volume.

but sometimes i still lose it.

like the time (i've told this one before) when sweet harper was talking and talking and talking and talking in the car. and i was TIRED. and had a headache. and the babies were screaming. and she was talking and talking and talking. and she asked me a question and i said "WHAT?" and then a little pause...and her voice said "nothing".

or the time when j had been gone for almost a year, harper got into some markers. and sadie ripped something up. and the toilet overflowed. and the washing machine overflowed. and the roof was leaking.

and i stood in place, shook my fists in the air like an angry old man, and SCREAMED.

screamed "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" like a devil-posessed banshee.

and it really? honestly? felt good.

but then i pulled myself together and looked at my girls faces and they were wide-eyed and silent.

and man i felt bad.

there's a lesson here, though.

being a parent doesn't mean you are always perfect. in fact, i believe putting on that facade can be damaging to your children. i don't want to show my girls that they always have to be perfect.

put together.  perfect makeup. with a spotless house and gourmet meals on the table every night.

heck.no.

but what i do want to teach them is that we are all human. fallible. except for our father in heaven, NO ONE is perfect.

i do want to teach them the words

"i'm sorry".

when i am snarky or unkind, when i raise my voice or lose my patience...i stop.

i get down on their level, look in their eyes and say "i'm sorry. mommy is frustrated and i shouldn't have spoken to you like that. i wasn't kind."

and every single time they hug me and say it's okay. that they mess up too.

they end up comforting ME, believe it or not.

i do not want my girls to grow up into women that never say they are sorry. the sort of women that have an excuse, explanation, or flat out denial for every occasion.

i know women like that. and it's not a good virtue. it's not attractive. it's just not.

everyone needs to know how to simply say "i am sorry".

sidenote: there's also apologizing TOO much, for everything, when you don't need to. but that's a whole other can of worms. :)

i full well know that i will yell again. again, i will immediately regret it and feel horrid.

but i will never be too proud to look in those little eyes and say "i am so sorry".

because even when i'm a jerk...that's a teachable moment.

here's to praying today is a kind day. a gentle-spirited day.

as opposed to  the "i want to scream as loud as i can into a pillow and then drink a bottle of wine" type of day like yesterday was.

and here's hoping the same for you. :)

xoxo

s

let them be little.

*my mission statement (if you will) when it comes to parenting*

let them play with dolls.or trucks.or whatever it is that makes them happy. but let them play.

don't teach them to be obsessed with weight,or looks,or their hair. don't tell them they aren't smart enough. or pretty enough. or good enough. tell them they are everything. anything. the sky's the limit.

don't demonstrate the behavior that their self worth depends on what someone else thinks of them.

let them know it's wonderful to be SMART. that playing dumb/ditzy/cutesy isn't cute. i remember reading a survey of elementary age children a few years back. the question was, is it better to be smart or sexy?

overwhelmingly? the response was sexy.

tell them that class and elegance and grace and BRAINS? that trumps sexy any day.

dress your girls like little GIRLS. not women. not teenagers. why in the world is there even a tee-shirt made in child size that says "made you look"? why are there teensy hoochie clothes at almost all the stores now?

it's not that i dress my girls in "little house on the prairie" chic....i mean, we all know harper loves her skinny jeans. but dress your kids like KIDS for pete's sake. WHY WOULD YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO LOOK SEXY? it enrages me.

i say NO. hell no. to these things that are available for CHILDREN. i say no to booty shorts, low rise jeans,padded bras (FOR KIDS???? YES I'm YELLING),slogans across the chest,"juicy" on the booty.

there are so many good points brought up in this article.

the title of it? Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps.

i could have written that myself. heck, i wish i would have.

let your children be children.

 

right now is the time for sticky hands, muddy toes,make believe,fairy tales,imagination,finger paint.

 

heartbreak,fear,wanting to look a certain way, insecurities,"does my butt look too big in these jeans?"...that comes later.

i know for a fact that we are going to argue over clothes one day.

just as my daddy used to say to me "isn't that a little short?" with a raised eyebrow...we'll say the same to our girls.

and they will huff and puff and roll their eyes to the heavens and stomp and sigh and gnash their terrible teenage teeth,

but they will leave the house with their dignity in tact.

and then said dignity will probably be stuffed into a backpack and they will do the old switcharoo...i know b/c i invented that trick...

but that's later.

now?

let them be little.

be a mommy to them. not their best friend. you don't need their approval. you don't need to be frightened of hurting their feelings if you tell them NO.

don't be deterred what all the other kids parents are doing. that has nothing to do with you. with your beliefs.

stand strong. love strong. hug strong.

what you are doing,teaching,demonstrating...

will have a huge impact on the women they become.

and even when they are having those brief lapses of judgement, those ugh-look-what-my-mom-made-me-wear-but-don't-worry-i-have-something-cooler-in-my-backpack-moments, may they maintain grace,class,composure,and BRAINS in that teensy miniskirt.

 

i know that i'll be keeping MY composure by remembering the years when lacy socks,patent leather soes,and smocked dresses were the clothing of choice.

yes, let them be little. :)

p.s. aren't the dresses BEAUTIFUL? i mean, they are truly the prettiest dresses we've ever owned. my amazingly talented friend maggie made them. did i mention she's amazing?

 

questions?

happy wednesday y'all. i hope you are having a beautiful, blessed week.

the photo above has nothing to do with this post...i just wanted to share it b/c it takes my breath away. :)

i've received this question a lot lately (among others).

how do you organize your albums?

and i want to apologize. i haven't answered questions very well lately. if you email me i always email back, but i've kind of lost track of the questions in the comments here.

so today, i want you to please ask a question in the comment section. if you have one, that is! i will answer all of the questions, including the one above, in a post soon.

i'm off to dress the girls for school, and then make their t-shirts for tomorrow (iron-ons again!). st. patrick's day is a HUGE deal in savannah. well, not for us...i'll be at home with my gang o' children. teehee. but j? will be walking in a parade with all of his fellow soldiers and they will be getting kissed on the face by a multitude of women.

uh good times?

wooohooooo!

happy wednesday and i look forward to hearing your questions. xo

 

why is it

that women...well some women

feel the need to make everything into a competetion?

i really truly don't get it. is it to make others feel inadequate? is it to validate themselves?

if you were to see a struggling mama feeding a baby a bottle, why would you say "oh, i breastfed my babies exclusively until TWO. a bottle NEVER touched their lips".

i never know what to say to things like that.

"yay you?"

"congratulations!!!!!"

it's the strangest thing.

now don't get me wrong. not all women do this. but i certainly have met plenty who do.

and you know what?

how long you breastfed

or what your baby got on his APGAR

or how long you labored naturally, when i was a wimp who got that horrible epidural...

or when your baby started rolling, crawling, etc. and whether it happened before my baby did those things...

well that is about as important to me as what you got on your SATs in high school.

show me a loved baby, wrapped in adoration, loving arms, tenderness...that's what matters.

it's just the craziest phenomenon. one i never really noticed before harper was born, but why would i have noticed it? mommy competition syndrome wasn't even on my radar yet.

so take me out back and stone me. my babies drink out of bottles. i don't cook from scratch. sometimes my children ingest things that are not organic. i don't even KNOW how long the twins were when they were born.

your child might crawl, walk, talk before mine.

you might beat me in the nursing department.

i don't homeschool. though i applaud those who do, it is not for me. not right now.

i might carry my babies in the carriers sometimes instead of "wearing them".

they have barbies. and some of their toys are PLASTIC! they don't only have hand carved wooden, dye free blocks.

but my girls?
are loved. beyond all measure.

and that can't be beat.

sometimes it's not necessary to name all the ways you are a "better mom" than i am. sometimes it's nice to have some mama solidarity. when i see struggling new mommies? I tell them their babies are beautiful. or i tell them they are doing a great job.

or i offer to help.

then i tell them how SMART, perfect, and unsoiled by commercialism my children are. NARY A FRENCH FRY HAS EVER TOUCHED THEIR LIPS!

kidding. kidding.

oh, and for the record...this post is tongue in cheek (no mullets though!!!). so hopefully you'll appreciate my sense of humor and know that i'm speaking of the "universal YOU".

mamas UNITE!

i don't think it's anyone's business (except for your children, husband, etc) how you love your children best. i feel like women feel the need to preface "hello" with if they breastfeed or not. guess what? i don't really need to know! i just want to be your friend. :)

have a beautiful, blessed tuesday.

xoxo

s

 

 

 

confession.

 

1. i love reading young adult fiction. i finally embraced this (thanks, meghan!) and now i devour YA books. it's the kid in me, i suppose.

2. i finally gave in and stopped watching grey's anatomy. and i don't even miss it. it was so depressing. ugh. i couldn't take it any more.

3. i have a reality TV addiction. especially bravo reality shows. totally stupid and fake, but i love them.

4. i love hip hop. the first CD i ever bought was a hip hop cd.

5. i get my feelings hurt easily.

6. i could eat mexican food and italian food for every meal for the rest of my life and be a happy camper.

7. i don't save paper scraps. THERE! i said it!!

8. i'm really truly grossed out by grouper. have you ever seen them? they are the grossest looking fish EVER. fish scare me.

9. i snort when i laugh.

10. i'm cracking up b/c i cannot stand narcissistic/self-involved blogs...yet this post is about me. huh. i promise, i'm not self-obsessed.

11. i'm actually quite self-conscious. working on this and getting so so much better.

12.  i think my girls are the most beautiful babies i've ever seen.

13. i don't like people who constantly feel the need to tell you how busy they are. it's close to being my number one pet peeve...but that honor goes to people who say "GROSS" about something you are eating. sooo rude.

14. sometimes i go to the basement and fake "doing laundry" for 5 minutes so i can give myself a time out. ;)

15. i love being a mom, and i'm also terrified of it at the same time. always wanting to make the right choices.

16. i adore audrey hepburn. always have.

17. i bite my nails.

18. i have a scar between my eyes. a boy threw me over his shoulder in college and dropped me on my head.

19. i love peonies.

20. i love  blogging. LOVE it. i kind of think it's changed my life.

what are your confessions?

happy friday, sweet friends! xo