Stephanie Howell

This Kid...

Two days ago I watch her step on stage and audition for Aladdin.

I sat in the chair and just looked at her. Really looked. And my eyes filled with tears.

She's nearly nine. NINE. How is it possible? I feel like it was just yesterday that I met her for the very first time. She was sunny-side up and took her sweet, indecisive time coming into this world. Out, then in. Out, then in. Much like the sweet, indecisive girl she is now.

She was born with a head full of dark hair and her daddy's eyes. And my world was never ever the same again.

I watched that dark hair and those dark eyes as she confidently sang with a big smile on her face.

And it physically hurt my heart.

She is so beautiful. And so kind. And so infuriatingly picky. And so talented. And so utterly, completely HERSELF. All big teeth and long legs, constantly singing and fighting with Sadie. Sometimes in the same breath.

She is independent yet needs me so much. She doesn't want me dressing her (or even giving my opinion!) yet she still wants to hold my hand when she's scared. She has her first crush but she's too sweet and innocent to even look at him.

I see glimpses of preteen in her. An errant eye roll or sigh. And she feels so bad the MOMENT that those things happen she apologizes over and over and over - with a look of abject terror on her face. As if she can't even believe that she just did that!

She is over the moon excited about this baby. You should have seen her face when I told her I was pregnant. PURE, unadulterated, TRUE joy.  Because that's her.

She is joy. And light. And love. And she is becoming a young lady and I couldn't be prouder.

Go get 'em Harper! You will rock that townsperson/ensemble role. I just know it! I am so proud of you.

xoxo

 

blink.

Look at this girl. I feel like it was only yesterday that I was holding her in my arms. An 8 lb. 9 oz. bundle of big brown eyes and brunette hair.

I feel like it was just yesterday I was learning about eczema and food allergies and spending too much money on beautiful little dresses from Nordstrom.

I feel like only yesterday she was teaching me how to me a mom. Teaching me that sometimes it's REALLY HARD. And that it's not all magical and natural. That sometimes I would hand her to her daddy the MOMENT he walked in the door and I'd run to Target where I'd walk in circles and cry because I was so overwhelmed.

That after a few minutes of this I'd miss her desperately and hurry back home.

That first year was a beautiful and terrible whirlwind all at once. At first I disliked it and loved it in equal measures. Then slowly, slowly...I figured it out and the love won over the desperation. She taught me how to be her mother. How to get over myself. How to learn 100 percent that it's not always about me. I learned how to become truly selfless. How to breathe.

I learned that most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing but that we would learn together. 

I learned that motherhood is a scary and wonderful thing. It's messy and frustrating and awe-inspiring and terrible and beautiful.

She was and is my saving grace.

And in a little over a week she will be EIGHT. It has been such a joy and such an honor watching her grow into the kind, tenderhearted, and talented little girl that she is. 

We still butt heads. We always will because we are cut from the same overly-sensitive cloth.

But oh, this girl. This girl is love.

The other day we were talking about daddy going away again for a while. I kind of expected tears about missed birthdays, plays, and other things. But y'all. It makes me teary just thinking about it.

She said...It's okay mommy! We've done it so many times and we will do it again and be just fine. It's just another one of our adventures. We will miss daddy so much, but we will make memories and take lots of pictures to tell him about it. 

And then she whispered in my ear..."Mommy my heart hurts and I want to cry. But I mainly just want to be strong and happy."

Harper Elizabeth, I am so proud of you.

xo

 

Miss Harper Takes on Second Grade.

My girl is a second grader.

This is so strange to me because I used to teach second grade. And those kids seemed so big!

Now...I know that 7/8 isn't old, but you know what I mean.

And now my baby girl is a second grader! And my first crop of second graders is in college. Sigh.

She was a bit nervous, as she always is. New school, new kids, new grade.

And of course a new outfit. Y'all know Harper. :) She AGONIZED.

This actually wasn't her first choice. Sadie spilled juice on her first choice at breakfast.

We won't even get into the drama that ensued. And Sadie swears up and down it wasn't intentional. Hmmmm.

Moving on. She rocked her first day. Big smile, big headband, big heart. I love her so much.

I had to take a few first day portraits with my DSLR. My courtyard has the most gorgeous backdrop for portraits, don't you think?

And can y'all guess my very favorite of all of these photos? Can you guess the one that makes my heart ache because it's full of so much love and joy?

Hint...the photo documents a first.

Ciao Ciao and love to you all. xoxo

S

Harper's Mermaid Party

First, let me start of by saying I got almost all of these ideas from Pinterest.

Pinterest is pretty much the best party planning resource EVER. You can see my party board HERE.

I'll share sources for as many items as possible...and if you have any questions I'll answer them in the comments, as always!

shirt(custom):amy tangerine, skirt:borrowed from friend (handmade), hairclip:gap kids (i added a gold shell)

fans:oriental trading,paper lanterns:target(spritz),glass bubbles (added with gluegun): michaels, tulle and sequin trim: michaels

These were tied to the stairs right inside the front door. The balloons are all from oriental trading, but i will NEVER buy balloons there again.

I purchased these Mylar balloons (6 came in the set). And when Jimmy took them to be inflated they were ALL torn. Such a rip off.

More Oriental Trading fans.

This was my favorite decoration. Oriental Trading tissue pom poms, streamers, and glass bubbles from Michaels.

My awesome MIL figured out how to hang these just so. LOVED how it turned out.

For every birthday I scatter scrapbook layouts around the house. There were several on the mantel as well.

The glass pebbles are from Dollar Tree and the faux sea glass is from The Christmas Tree Shops.

Garlands: Target (Spritz)

Flowers: Chaves' Gardens (best florist in Newport)

Favors:

The favors that I made were "mermaid wands". I just bought dowel rods, painted them turquoise, and then glue gunned starfish to the end.

I added a gem to the center of each starfish and then tied a bunch of blue and gold ribbons to the dowel rod. Pretty easy.

dowel rods,paint,gems,ribbons:michaels, starfish:the christmas tree shops

Note: The gold ribbons are from the dollar spot at Michaels. They come 6 to a card and are just lovely.

Table:

sequins:michaels,starfish,coral,picture holders:the christmas tree shops,giant "H":hobby lobby(i painted it teal,rock candy:amazon,glass starfish:fresh market

silver and white shell platters:marshalls, blue mason jars:vintage, blue bottle with net/shells:the christmas tree shops; milkglass: vintage, cut glass bowls and cake pedestals:vintage

This was the chandelier above the table. I covered it with a net from Michaels and addes shell and rope garlands from The Christmas Tree Shops.

Invitations:

Custom invitations by YourInvites on Etsy. These were digital, I had them printed at Minuteman Press.

I scattered sequins (Michaels), sea glass (The Christmas Tree Shops), and glass pebbles (Dollar Spot) all over the place. Such a pretty, easy, festive accent.

Food

"Oyster Cookies":Nilla Wafers, pink icing, yogurt covered raisins. Frame from Michaels dollar spot, shell tray from Marshalls, Mermaid font.

Swedish fish and gummy sharks.

Under the Sea Jello: Blue Jello with Swedish Fish in the bottom. Frame:Michaels dollar spot,Coral:The Christmas Tree Shops.

Whale Crackers and Goldfish, Rock Candy

Mermaid Punch: 16 servings regular Country Time Lemonade+4 servings Blue Raspberry Koolaid

Lemonade dispenser:Home Goods,Frame:Michaels dollar spot,cake pedestal:Hobby Lobby,coral, sand dollar, sea glass:The Christmas Tree Shops,paper straws:Michaels(4th of July section)

Cake: Cravings Cafe and Cakery- Dartmouth, MA, Pedestal: Vintage, Starfish and Sand Dollars: The Christmas Tree Shops

Let me introduce you to the biggest labor of love for this party. The cake backdrop. It took me about four hours and 293840182308 cupcake wrappers. But so worth it.

Cupcake wrappers- Michaels, Gold glitter paper-Michaels.

I taped four 12x12 sheets of cardstock together. Then I started layering from top to bottom, using the glue gun. I also glue gunned each wrapper closed.

The seven is a template that I traced and cut from gold glitter paper.

Activities- I didn't get a photo but the girls decorated these Mermaid Clothespins.

We also rented a bouncie.

The best part is that everyone wore blue and green. And no, I didn't ask them to!!

Sadie's dress is from Marshalls.

And the best part, as always is seeing the look on her face when we sing to her. Just lovely.

So there you have it. Harper's Mermaid Party. It was a joy and a pleasure to create this day for her, she was so happy and appreciative.

seven.

this girl...

this sensitive

emotional

big-hearted

kind

beautiful

smart

compassionate

high strung

girl...

is SEVEN.

since the day she graced us with her arrival she has showered us with sunshine, love, tears, laughter, and beautiful moments.

one after the other.

she made me a mommy, she made my world brighter, better, and sweeter.

i love you, miss harper!

happy birthday.

xoxo

S

 

 

Harper Loses Her First Tooth- A Video I Will Treasure Forever.

We've waited and waited and WAITED.

And the little girl who is not very good at waiting...well she has been very patient.

Although she wonders (repeatedly, and audibly) why (at nearly seven) hasn't she lost a tooth?

A bit ago her first tooth started to wiggle.

And I snapped this photo of her smile. Made up of tiny teeth and so much joy.

That sweet smile she's had for so long.

2 nights ago she galloped down the stairs, her voice shaking.

MOMMY! DADDY!!! MY TOOTH IS ABOUT TO FALL OUT!

She was so scared. And SO excited. Jimmy took her in the bathroom and helped her wiggle it.

But there was blood. And she didn't like that. Not one little bit.

She panicked. Big time. And asked me to come take over.

Disclaimer: I am NOT good with wiggly teeth. They gross me out. I'm not proud of it but it's true. :) Major skeeve. I had goosebumps the entire time and NOT because I was overcome with emotion. Shudder.

I said a little prayer and started to wiggle that sucker.

After a little hyperventilating (on her end, not mine) and a LOT of reassurance and reminders to BREATHE...this happened.

Harper Loses Her First Tooth from stephanie howell on Vimeo.

That is just a tiny clip of a video that is a couple of minutes long.

I feel like being a mama is full of exhausting moments. Scary moments.

"What the hell am I doing?" moments.

It's a neverending cycle of feeling invisible. Cleaning up,

fixing messes, quelling fears, losing yourself.

But embedded in all of those moments there are these rare,glistening,magical moments that make all of the other stuff worthwile.

Like a precious jewel that you find unexpectedly. Those are the things that make the rest of the junk bearable.

That response was one of those moments. Her face and her voice when she saw that tooth in my hand? Pure.

That video will make me sob until the day I die. So innocent and joyful.

I can't stand it.

Also making my heart hurt? This note she left for the tooth fairy:

In case you can't see the note, it says:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I hope you know that it was very hard to loose my first tooth. I love you and I believe in you.

Love, Harper Howell

And here is what she found from the Tooth Fairy this morning.

Here is where I found the idea.

I made my own using PSE 9 and the "Fake Receipt" Font.

And just like that? She had a new smile.

It's amazing how different she looks. And sounds.

I am so proud of her. Of her fears, her bravery...her big heart and her tears that she so easily sheds.

She's amazing.

oxxo

S

Personal Shopper for a 6 Year Old

It's no secret that I love shopping. I love fashion and I especially love spring fashion.

You know who else loves those things too? Miss Harper. :)

She is growing like a weed. Her legs and arms are growing a mile a minute and nothing fits her.

I'm waiting for the spring to take her on a little shopping spree, and of course I alread have her wardrobe planned!

Hey, can you blame me? She takes wonderful care of her clothes and really enjoys wearing them. She's a dream to shop with.

Sadie isn't really all that interested in what she wears just yet. I mean, she loves putting outfits together, but doesn't mind wearing hand me downs. So Harper's good taste benefits her, too.

Here's what I found:

1.Button Shoulder Stripe Sweater 2.Long Sleeve Dot Dress 3. Super Skinny Floral Jeans 4.Moto Sweater Jacket 5.Stripy Ruffle Dress 6.Belted Skinny Khakis 7.Striped Heart Tunic Sweater 8.White Denim Jacket 9.Intarsia Heart Sweater 10.Patterned High Tops 11.Ruffle Trim Polka Dot Top 12.Dot Button Skirt 13.Ruffle Tiered Jersey Skirt 14.Black Skinny Jeans 15.Striped Jersey Tie Belt Dress 16.Polka Dot Bow Tie Headband 17.Glitter Stripe Ballet Flat

Fun, no? I'd say God knew what he was doing when he made me a mama of all girls.

TeeHee!

Happy Monday!

xoxox

she shines

she got in the car yesterday full of joy and stories.

she talked and talked. about art,about reading,about a song she is singing in her classroom. she talked about snack,lunch,what she was wearing, what her friends were wearing,she talked about math.

i said what about recess harper? who did you play with?

and there was silence from the back seat. so i asked again. i noticed she was looking out the window.

i gently asked her one last time. she looked at me and said

promise me you won't feel sad for me mama?

i gulped. and promised.

she said i didn't play with anyone. i played alone. i've been playing alone since yesterday. (they have 2 recess times a day by the way)

so i asked her why. and she told me.

the girls had been chasing the boys, calling them ugly names,and throwing wood chips at them. she said she knew it was wrong and it made her tummy feel yucky to think about acting like that, so she played alone.

all alone harper? were you the only one?

yes mommy. the only one. but i don't mind. i didn't want to be part of that so i used my imagination by myself.

 

apparently the class (except h) got in trouble when they came back in and the teacher talked to them about treating each other in an unkind way.

but my girl? well she had the guts to stand up and say no...and to not do something that everyone else was doing.

you know what? i wasn't ever brave enough to do that. i usually went along with everyone else (and felt HORRIBLE and guilty while i was doing it).

she's becoming the girl i pray she will be. and it gives me so much joy and so much pride to see her stand tall and hold her ground. i know there will be harder times, i know that she will give in sometimes. but this was big for her. she just wants to be loved and takes it personally if she's not (kind of like someone else i know..ahem.).

i bought her a tiny rhinestone star necklace. this weekend i want to take her to our special spot at dunkin donuts:

and i am going to give her the necklace and tell her again how proud i am of her. and that every time she feels scared or alone or worried, she can put her hand to her throat and feel the tiny star. and it will be a reminder that she shines.that she is precious and that she is worth far more than rubies. and wood chips. :)

happy friday, y'all. i hope your weekend is beautiful and blessed!

xoxo

 

i've created a monster.

last night, harper decided that we needed to get ready for picture day.

she had me show her the pose that i selected on her order form.

she then got out every piece of clothing she owned and tried on different outfits, doing the pose she'd be doing for photos. THE POSE. WITH EVERY SINGLE OUTFIT, PEOPLE.

and she rejected one outfit

after another

and another

and another.

i'm dead serious. the reasons were varied. everything from "awkward" to "the pattern is too small" to "not fashion enough". there was also something about "not 'propriate". WTH?

sadie was laying on her bed moaning and mumbling. the only word i could actually decipher was "widicuwous".

then this morning she woke up early so i could curl her hair. and of course, every.single.curl. was accompanied by screeching.

i'm talking alley-cat screeching. which is pleasant. there were tears. harper tears and mama tears.

and we were 5 minutes late for school. but when all was said and done, look at my beautiful girl.

yes. her fashion staples are present. pearls and skinny jeans. and flats, of course. when i put this outfit on her she posed, had me snap a picture...and then jumped up and down yelling THIS IS IT!!!

she might be a little bit over the top, but i must admit the girl has 'ashion skills. and i love it. even though wedding dress shopping should be...interesting?

happy tuesday,sweet friends.

xoxo

wordless (ish?) wednesday

quite possibly the first two photos ever taken of h where she is not smiling.

what can i say? life's hard when you are six.

and by hard i mean magical.clearly.

xoxo