Stephanie Howell

mama musings

Three years ago:

 

Two years ago:

 

 

One year ago:

 

Now:

 

edited to add: hats from heartsmiles

And we know we want more. Well, one more.

A boy? Maybe. Or maybe we are destined to a lifetime of tears, pink, tulle, theatrics, high heels, broken hearts, dancing, tea parties, emotions...and we are more than fine with that.

we love having little girls. part of me longs to be a mama to a boy. part of jimmy yearns to have a boy.

but if that isn't what we are given, we will be just fine. we LOVE little girls.

so i've been thinking. and we've been talking. is it time?

sadie just turned two...we want to be young enough when they leave the house to be able to enjoy and explore, and have dates again....

we want them to be close in age.

but sadie has done me in. a tiny bit. i kind of feel like she needs to be ohhhh, 16 or so? before we have another. just kidding. kinda.

it's a back and forth.

i love being able to give them the attention they so crave. i love feeling good. i'm not looking forward to the barfing. i am just NOW starting to really believe in myself as a mama. believe that i'm actually good at it (most days). able to have fun, laugh, not take everything so seriously. feeling good about myself, how clothes fit. we are sleeping at night (all of us!!). not locking myself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and crying. not saying NEVER, just not much. ;)

i know i...WE...want another baby with all of our hearts. i love being pregnant. i love being a mother. i love babies, children, i even love changing diapers. i love snuggles. and feeding my babies. and nurturing them. and teaching them how to be kind, and love the Lord. my children make me laugh. and cry. and praise the Lord.

will i ever be "ready"?

i certainly wasn't ready when harper was 12 months old and we found out about sweet sadie bug.

but oh, what a wonderful maddening trip it's been.

and i 'm so glad she happened the way she did. b/c i very well may have never felt ready.

i might just have to jump in.

fingers crossed, praying, holding on...letting go

of my fears and worries. 

and trusting that my future is already chosen and designed. and handing over my anxieties.

and concentrating on being happy...and believing.

xoxo

a small addendum (if you will). i am super sensitive to all of my beautiful, amazing friends who have fertility struggles. i would never want to seem callous or insensitive to their problems at all. i always measure my words very carefully when i'm speaking about motherhood, pregnancy, etc. on this blog. b/c the last thing i would ever intend would be to hurt feelings. regardless, this is a struggle i'm having right now.

i am soooo aware of the fact that it's a blessing to have ANY children. let alone to debate whether to have more than we have already been blessed with. i know i'm lucky to have a choice, but i still want to be responsible with that choice. i think a lot of it has to do with what J does, how often he is gone, the fears i have for his safety and how i feel like his mortality is SO fragile sometimes.

and i wanted to share my thoughts. i hope you will take them as they are intended...honest thoughts.

love you all.

so sweet

there's something so sweet about watching pure joy on the face of your child.

example a (at breakfast):

 

i mean, how could she not be excited with a breakfast like that? let's just say i saw the effects of said breakfast while we were grocery shopping.

cause=birthday breakfast effect=gyrating on the floor and running in circles whilst quacking like a duck.

but hey, it was her birthday. not the day to deny a girl sugar.

 

example b: dinner

 

 

 

 

that last one kills me. look at her little eyes.

i have to say, it's days like yesterday that give ME pure joy. i'm so happy j is home for milestones like these this year.

it's just so nice having him in our everyday lives. the newness of it still hasn't worn off. sometimes i walk into scenes like the one below, and it just makes me teary.

 

and right at that moment (well, right before this moment), i closed my eyes and said a silent prayer. it only had two words...

thank you.

i hope you have a sweet moment in your day today.

xoxo

s

24 months of sadie caroline howell

in the 2 years since you came along,

i'm 2 times as tired

life's 2 times as wild

2 times as loud

as it was before.

my heart is 2 times bigger

i feel 2 times more vulnerable

more scared

more happy

more complete.

sometimes it feels like it's you and me kid...we have a special bond.

no matter how fiercely independent you may be, there's nowhere you'd rather be than in my arms. that half drives me crazy and half makes my heart sing.

you came into this world in one push.

sounded like a champagne cork popping.

and that was weird. and wonderful. and turns out...so YOU.

daddy wasn't there. i held you and cried. and you looked at me with those beautiful eyes and cried, and the cleft in your chin was his. and i fell in love with you.

each day i'm learning with you.

you're wild.

my little sadie bug

monkey

wild child.

i love you with all of my heart.

happy 2nd birthday, baby!

tuesday miscellany

first, i wanted to share photos of the girls from this weekend.

we took them to the national infantry museum to have their photo taken with santa,

and then to the IMAX 3D showing of Polar Express...the day was a big hit with both girls.

we were the first people there to see santa (best santa EVER by the way), and the photographer was late...

soooo

they let me take my own photos. YAY!!! much better than the posed 8 dollar shot in my book.

 

  

isn't he the best? so glad i got to use my camera!

before we left the house, the girls (well, by girls i mean h, since s wasn't really participating) let me take some portraits of them.

 

someone loves the camera. a little bit too much, me thinks.

closest to a normal photo i got of the two of them. how much does s look like her daddy here??

 

if i could capture sadie perfectly in a photo, this would be it.

sadie is always getting smooshed. ;)

so that was our day sunday, so much fun and such a special family date.

i want to try to do that, or something similar, each year.

one last thing, i want to share the sneak peeks of this months SC kit, whodunit.

i purchased the "in the billiard room" add-on, but i also already had bits and pieces from the candlestick addon.

 

 

 

 

i only had time to do 3 layouts this month, but i love them dearly.

and please take note that

a. i used stamps on two of them...what???

b. one is a two pager.

so there you go!

hope you have a beautiful tuesday!

xo

i'm such a sap

first, i have some big news i want to share. i kind of feel like it's a dream, since i just found out today...

many of you know my love for jenni bowlin. so, anyway, check this out. i'm pretty excited, to say the least.

okay. that's a lie. i've had a big grin on my face all day, and earlier sadie caught me jumping up and down and clapping my hands. yeah, i'm blowing my own cover. i'm a dork. and sadie's been giving me the stink eye ever since. i think she thinks i've gone completely mad!

thank you SO much, jenni....i couldn't possibly be happier!

oh- and for those of you who are asking, of COURSE i'll still be with SC. this is for the manufacturer side, not for the kits. ;)

okay, back to the matter at hand.

every year we do elf on the shelf with the girls.

they love it, and have so much fun finding him every morning.

harper's been doing this for three years and she still gets SO excited about it. she named him "turtle" when she was a baby (that was her favorite word at the time), and she would be in her crib calling me in the morning so that we could go find him.

he hides all sorts of crazy places:

 

and I know when j comes home we will resume the "turtle" battles,

where we see who can hide him the funniest/most clever place.

so anyway, this morning sadie was looking for him, yelling HI TOOOTOOOO!!!

(he was hanging by a leg from the cord to the attic trap door- what in the WORD? as harper says...no idea how he got up there)

and i remembered i had a video of harper looking for turtle when she was close to sadie's age.

so i found it. and sat here and cried and cried.

b/c like i said, i'm a sap.

and this is proof that i want more babies. not done over here. clearly. even though sometimes i think i am. there shall be more babies. ;) no this isn't a hint, your husband has to be where you are in order to make more babies.

so, i thought i'd share this this evening, and hopefully you guys will get a smile out of it, too.

ignore my gross huffing and puffing, i was like EIGHT MONTHS pregnant with sadie. ha!

turtle!! from stephanie howell on Vimeo.

xoxo

s

eta: today's day of giving idea: hand out small amount Visa, Mastercard, or Amex gift cards at a local grocery store. try it! (and thanks for planting the seed, tara!)

p.s. contest still open below.

xo

my sunshines

she:

 

• talks a mile a minute. she doesn't stop to take a breath  most days.
• if she's not talking, she's singing. lately it's any song from "the little mermaid". can you say obsessed? 
• is the tannest little thing i've ever seen. she's brown just like her daddy.  
• makes me dress her like a princess most days.  
• uses hilarious words. lately she's said "distinguished", "inappropriate", and "random".  she picks up EVERYTHING. a certain potty-mouthed infantryman is having to watch his p's and q's. ;)
• will start preschool soon. only 2 days a week, but i still can't believe it. wasn't i just pregnant with her? 
• loves books just like  mommy. her favorites are skippyjon jones, fancy nancy, llama llama, and pinkalicious.  
• she's  a charmer and negotiator.  
• testing boundaries. and mommy is up for the challenge. =) 
• just beautiful in every way.  

she:

 

• is a trip. a complete and utter trip.
• she snatches, grabs, and put in her mouth anything she can get her hands on. she taught me the true meaning of "baby-proofing". 
• is all wild hair and new teeth. cutting molars is NOT fun for her. check 'em out in that picture. poor thing! 
• isn't talking much. i was worried for a minute b/c harper could say 9384209340293 words at 18 months. but she understands EVERYTHING. but for now it's lots o' grunts, gesturing, and pointing. cavegirl sadie. 
• isn't eating much. but she would eat cheese and yogurt 24/7 if i let her. 
• runs, jumps, climbs, and does it all with a big grin on her face. 
• if you chastise her, she blinks and tries to kiss you. it's SO hard not to smile when she's being naughty. 
• says AYE!!! for yes and NAHHHHH. for no.  
• is obsessed w/ her mama. i just taught her to say "MY mama!!!" and maybe i shouldn't have. haha. 
• is heart-breakingly beautiful as well. the two of them couldn't look any more different but boy are they both beautiful.  

Happy Wednesday!!

xoxo

p.s. the dresses are from target! 

More Q and A!

First, since I can't post without a picture, let's do "a year ago today"...b/c it makes me smile and want to cry all at the same time. Where does the time go??

Harper:

Sadie:

ACK!!!! Oh my heart hurts!!

And last week:

they are NUTS. talking a mile a minute, both of them (even though sadie's talking is babbling) and ALL over the place. i wish i had a tenth of their energy.

i mean , really, what did i do before they came along. i can't remember. ;)

i wanted to answer another question today...

what is your creative process?

some of you have asked for a tutorial or step-by-step...but you know what? 

that wouldn't work with me. i don't really think about it.

 i don't sketch or plan,

or move things around on paper, or use design rules. 

i just do what i feel like

doing at the moment.

photos are the inspiration.

 and if you've been following my blog at all, 

you know that. photos and the story.

 i'm not really all about techniques,

layering, fancy details, or complicated pages.

i print the photos and glue them down. 

add some touches here and there, and then journal.

i want to save the photos, get the stories down, 

and use some pretty papers to accent

the photos and story. 

i once had someone tell me my layouts were "easy to copy"

b/c they aren't complicated or hard to do.

and i'm totally, completely cool with that. 

i don't put my stuff out there to show off

or solicit compliments about how hard it looks.

i put it out there to hopefully inspire, to share. 

and my layouts work for me. 

so there you have it. no process. just playing and making something i love.

i have another question about journaling that i will answer soon. (i didn't forget about you, ms. jill...but your questions take some serious thought!!).

happy tuesday, everyone!

xo

Wiped Out

Playdates in the hot Texas sun are tiring!

It's 100 degrees here today and we went to visit our best friends at Ft. Hood.

swimming

slip and sliding

okay. that's a lie. harper's bestie, sophie did it properly. she does have two brothers after all!!

but harper carefully ran to the very end with her hands flapping and then gingerly plopped in the water.

Lord help us all.

popsicles

then repeat the first two steps over and over and over

and what do you get?

two tired chickies.

hope you had an equally satisfying (and tiring) summer day!

xoxo

stop the insanity.

***ETA: Texas girls, I'll be teaching make and takes from 1-3  on Saturday, June 13 at Crop Paper Scissors in Waco. I will be using Jenni Bowlin Studio, October Afternoon, and Lily Bee products. I'd love to see you there!! ***

being trapped in a teensy house with two sick, coughing, tired, grumpy babies is NO fun. i think i'm slowly going crazy.

for example, harper and i made this this morning.

she calls it her "pet parade". the only way i could get h and s to stop fighting for 5 seconds was to get them to get all their animals out. i lined them up as slooooowwwly as i could. this kept their attention for precisely 5.5 minutes and then the screaming started again.

moving on. last week i got a comment by a reader on one of my posts.

they wanted to know if i could share my very first layout and also my favorite layout.

so i went and got harper's baby album out of her room. 

i looked through it and couldn't remember what the very first layout i made was.

technically, i made J several scrapbooks when we were dating. but i am NOT sharing those. teehee.

here are a couple of the first things i made once i really got into scrapbooking.

i remember being SO proud of these. so proud.

they took me so long to make!!

and as for my favorite layout that is such a hard question.

they all mean so much to me. my favorite changes with regularity.

but if i had to pick just ONE, i guess i'd say this one.

there was so much going through my head when i made this.

so much fear and uncertainty.

so much i wanted to tell him and i just didn't know how.

i remember him picking up this layout and reading it and saying thank you and just hugging me. and i was so glad that he found it and read it, b/c these were things that i just couldn't get my mouth to say out loud.

i'm so grateful for this question, it gave me the idea for an entire blog post!

if you have anything you'd like to see me blog about, please ask!!  i'm always looking for new topics and creative things to share.

hope you are having a beautiful Sunday and that you are not trapped in a teeninsy house with two snotty sneezy babies. b/c it's about as fun as it sounds!!

on to do something else faaaascinating, like making another pet parade.

good times.

xoxo

here's a super simple layout i did last night. 

it was for a challenge at 2peas to scrap a page with a one word title.

it didn't photograph well, sorry about that. the b/w photo is not dark like this on my page. i need to become a "flat scrapper" so that i can scan my layouts!!

journaling label and tag behind title- my minds eye andreavictoria line

chipboard flowers- basicgrey

paper flowers (layered on top of chipboard)- sassafras blossoms

alphabet- american crafts thickers

cardstock- bazzill swiss dot

pen- american crafts precision pen (.01)