Stephanie Howell

so worth it.

pile of feet that was spotted at my latest ultrasound.

don't be grossed out by all the other blobby freaky looking stuff. hee!

apparently it's almost impossible to get a good 3D image with twins b/c of all of the shadows that they cast on each other.

but all of these feet piled together? they kill me.

i

can't

wait.

to see those feet snuggled together in the cradle.

to hold them both and smell their sweet baby smell. to hear those new baby noises.

the peeps. the squeaks.

the cries.

the swaddling. the teensy diapers.

the yawns and stretchy arms with wobbly fists.

the "frog" legs bent up against their little bodies.

the way their breath smells so sweet.

it's so worth it.

the fear, the pain, the notknowingwhatisnext

so worth it.

 

i'm doing this day by day.

yesterday was a hard day. i went to the hospital b/c i felt weird.

no other way to explain it. i was worried it was my blood pressure.

so they hooked me up to the fetal heartbeat monitors...

blood tests, urine test, pulse, blood pressure. and i was fine.

my heart rate was high, and the doctor said this to me.

are you stressed?

uh yes.

are you eating and drinking as much as you should be?

uh...i don't know.

and i realized i didn't.

i mean, no idea.

 

 

so i've decided. i am taking care of myself.

and by myself,

i mean cate and lucy.

and that means saying no to certain things. and letting go of other things.

and not feeling guilty. or like i'm a bad mommy.

 

a sweet friend (and fellow mama to twins!) told me about a verse in proverbs that says this:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body."

this is my new mantra. praying, resting, letting go. looking forward to the future and knowing...

it's so worth it.

i will think positively. i know what can happen. i've heard all of the worst case scenarios. read every book i can get my hands on. there are a lot of WONDERFUL scenarios too. i choose to focus on the positive.

i cannot control the way this is going to go. i simply can't.

but i can control how i handle it. and i want to do it with a smile on my face and hope in my heart.

i can't wait to meet these babies.

and kiss those little feet.♡♡

23 weeks

* enjoying the look on people's faces when they ask how pregnant i am. when i say 23 weeks, i kind of like not mentioning the {twins} part. it's funny seeing people try to cover up the fact that they thought i was like..oh say....8 months pregnant. ha!

* craving chocolate milk and cheeseburgers(still)

* starting to panic a teensy bit when i think about j coming home+packing+moving+unpacking+having the babies and DOUBLING the amount of children we have! i haven't even thought about how to do it all, i have just been concentrating on staying healthy and *getting there*. breaaaaaaaathe stephanie.

* loving mixing maternity and non-maternity pieces. thank heavens for the empire waist trend! the gray top above is not maternity (ann taylor loft) but the coral dress is.

*already at the point where i can see my belly jump.

*was surprised that having twins in there feels TOTALLY different. one is always on my bladder or up in my ribs. not the delicate butterfly flutters/thumps i felt with my other pregnancies...already feels like there is a herd of elephants in there! 

*hating the indigestion (booooo).

*but loving the excuse to take naps. :)

happy sunday, sweet friends!xxo

update

Hey y'all!

How's it going? I hope you are all having a beautiful week. We are fine here. Just adjusting to not having J around, taking care of the babies, and having girl time.

I have felt SO much better this past week. I thank the Lord b/c I literally stopped throwing up the day J left. I don't think that's a coincidence. I am still tired, and need a nap when sadie naps (and harper plays quietly, SUCH a good girl)...but i feel so much better!!

As far as the babies go, I still don't know much. I am waiting on a referral to visit a maternal/fetal specialist downtown and get a 4D ultrasound.

I'm not putting much stock in the doctor telling  me she thinks they are identical, as she's never actually seen twins before.

I know sometimes it's very hard to see the membrane separating the babies, and I want there to be one. The thought of being pregnant with MoMo twins terrifies me. 

A friend told me they are obviously identical b/c you can't see two sacs, but I have read that many times it's very hard to find that membrane.

I don't think you can really tell much from that one time we saw them briefly. So i'm not going to worry. I'm going to wait and see and know that the Lord knows what is in store for me. It is already done. And it is my job to embrace it and accept it. 

Being pregnant with twins, having J gone, and then moving to Savannah towards the end of the pregnancy? Piece of cake. HEE!

I really don't understand what it is with people having to tell me horror stories they have heard about twins. My friend knows someone who lost both...or one...or oh, it's going to be HARD going from two to four. Or oooh,twins... i thought you looked BIG!  how does that help me in any way? Ugh. Sorry. Moving on. I just don't get why people say such insensitive things to pregnant women!

I don't have that much to share other than what I just said (which turned out to be more than i thought i had to say, HA!)...so i thought i'd share my latest iPhotos.
 

left to right, top to bottom:

1. cutest dress EVER from target. i want one like it!

2.poor harper and her allergy testing yesterday. look at her little birdie bones! i was crying right along with her.

3.i took sadie bug on a special date to krispy kreme. her first time having a donut and her first chocolate milk. she went BERSERK!

4. poor monkeys are having to entertain themselves in all sorts of creative ways. this idea? putting towels over their heads and hugging each other. i was laughing SO hard.

5+6. girl time. reading cheap tabloids. or people. whatever. close enough.

7. i am now officially a minivan mom. my very own swagger wagon (well, it's an odyssey, but close enough). i don't care if it's dorky, i am a HAPPY camper!

8. Harper graduating from preschool. She will go to 5 day a week Pre-K next year!

9.Daddy time.

10. Goggles at the beach. HAHAHAHHAH!

11. Beach read- LOVED this one.

12. Sickie H.

13. Tough soccer H in her daddy's sunglasses.

14. Sadie talking to the babies.

And since it's tradition, I also have to share my favorite FB status updates of the past few weeks.

1. harper just came in my room and said : i'm very sorry to tell you this, but me and sissy will be gone for a few days. we are going to get daddy and he's very far away. we are taking a phone, snacks, and lip gloss. see you soon!

2.i just got locked out of my house by two little girls wearing tiaras and underwear. and nothing else. they thought it was REALLY funny, based on the giggles coming from inside. P.S. Preggers over here was in her nightgown. Niiiiice.

3. just RAN upstairs b/c jimmy was yelling "WOW THIS IS AMAZING!!!!! this is MAGICAL!!!!!" and what do i see when i get up here? he finally figured out how to see the pictures in the magic eye books. are you KIDDING ME? hahahhahahha!!

is this really my life? Heee!! have a wonderful day, sweet readers!

xxo,s